Advice leave or stay?

nicmccor

Very long story I will try and shorten. Been with myboyfriend a year when we met knew straight away we are perfect for each otherboth have same dreams goals. After 2 months I put name down for a localauthority house as I was at mums and he with separated partner we was happy tomove but house was availible straight away so we went for it. The day I movedin he got a call his dad had heart attack so he needed to go away for a weekand when returned with his own health not good, losing one job and having financialdifficulty I am still living on my own there is always a reason why the timenot right now he depressed and seaking help for it understandable the year hehad but not sure where this leaves us I also now feel depressed and emotional Ileft my family home to move with him, I lost my dad two years ago which Ihavent really dealt with yet and I am on my own I know he loves me deeply andwants our future but he not around I want to support him but all this does ismakes me feel really unhappy as I am the type to get on with things but hehardly around and always letting me down for dates I said we can take thingsslow for a while but I can not stand the thought he stilll living with ex? Iknow they just friends but I dont like it I told him I can not do this anylonger but also dont want to lose him I just now feel stuck and as alwayssomething going wrong for him we will never get to sort us out do I leave himto sort himself and drop in when he feels like am so confused.:(

19lottie82

How far away is your house, from where heis living at the moment? Does he drive?



Have you actually met his “ex”? if not, Iwould be a bit suspicious tbh.

nicmccor

Only half hour drive his car has recently broke and he does not have the money to get another so this has made everything harder. No I have not met her but I have never found him to be lying about anything so far so have trusted him.

tea_lover

He's still living with his ex? And you've never met her? I'd be very surprised if she has any idea she's his 'ex'.

19lottie82

so, he was supposed to move in with you. then said he wasn't and still lives with a supposed ex that you have never met? oh and keeps cancelling on you when you're supposed to be meeting.

i'm sorry OP, but a red light should be flashing in your head by now!

how many of his family members have you met? his dad who had the heart attack?

nicmccor

Yeah I know when we met he could not afford to move out on his own but was really keen on us getting somewhere she a bit older than him and he says they always really been friends they have their own room etc and both work shifts so dont see each other I hate that fact and is the reason I am thinking of breaking away until he ready to completely to just be with me but I would really miss him and I dont want to send him futher into depression? Thanks for the relpies

maman

I think you need to plan a future without him. If it helps to end it formally then do so. If you're happy to have him as a casual 'as and when' boyfriend then that's OK. I wouldn't pin any hopes on him settling down with you any time soon if at all.

As for the housing, I'm amazed you seem to have got social housing so easily. People all over the country would give anything to be in your position. So, I'd think seriously about giving up your own place although if you did I'm sure it would be snapped up instantly.

How long would you realistically have wanted to stay living at home? That's not a long term solution. I think maybe you're just lonely. Keep busy and then perhaps you'll find it easier to deal with.

notanewuser

You're his bit on the side.

owen_money

He is happy to live with his 'ex' but not you? Now the car has broken down? And this is been going on for a year? Ask to go around to his house one evening when his 'ex' is there and see what he says. Wonder what excuse he will make up then

tea_lover

owen_money wrote: »

Ask to go around to his house one evening when his 'ex' is there and see what he says.

Or forget the asking bit and just turn up. Do you actually know his address OP?

paulineb_2

He doesnt want to be with you, if he had he would have moved in with you at some point after you got the house offer, particularly if he did say he wants to be with you long term

Im afraid all signs point to him being a cheat and just stringing you along

Depression does not mean you cant have a future with someone.