Ex has met new woman

bagpussbear

I also agree with others that you have not let go emotionally of this man. You split a long long time ago so something like this shouldn't hurt THAT much.

It's irritating for sure, and I do see why you would feel irked that suddenly he only wants them more now the new woman is on the scene, and couldn't be bothered before - however that shouldn't be causing you so much pain.

Perhaps it's bringing back feelings of him cheating on you all those years ago. Do you feel he has moved on more than you, and it makes you angry given he was the one that cheated in the first place?

Let it go OP. You deserve to let yourself feel peace. Your children are old enough to speak and deal directly with him now, let them do so and make their own decisions.

kazwookie

The children are old enough to decide for themselves.

It sounds like you haven't let go of your ex.

He has moved on, the children are older now, you need to let go and allow your kids to make thier own choices, they are no longer youngesters.

You can still be 'close' to his family if that is what you / they want. I still chat to my ex's sister on a regular basis and her 'kids' who are now all adults.

toffee'n'tom

He's always seen the children here - only for ten minutes when he's picked them up from some activity or another. He's hardly spent any time on his own with them. I was told to and should have stopped that right at the time we split up. I haven't had one weekend to myself in 7 years.

I've only had one relationship since we split which ended about 4 weeks ago and he was partly to blame for that with him still coming here (It was difficult to stop it at this point because that's what my daughter was used to and when I mentioned that to her she became upset about him not coming here) and keeping the fact he had a house a secret and they could have stayed with him for the odd weekend giving me some time to pursue my relationship properly. I'm still getting over that.

The fact she lives on my doorstep and socialises with my daughter's friend's parents isn't helping either.

Everything just seems to have landed on me at once and I know I've got to stop letting it eat away at me or I'll drive the children away.

And yes it has felt like they're my children for the past 7 years. I've even cooked his Christmas dinner every year because they wanted to see him and he's not even made an effort at Christmas.

19lottie82

toffeentom wrote: »

I know I've got to stop letting it eat away at me or I'll drive the children away.

Correct. You need to keep telling yourself this.

justme111

toffeentom wrote: »

He's always seen the children here - only for ten minutes when he's picked them up from some activity or another. He's hardly spent any time on his own with them. I was told to and should have stopped that right at the time we split up. I haven't had one weekend to myself in 7 years.

I can understand the resentment you built up. Please recognise though that it was your choice as well in those years not to place.other boundaries and go with how it was. I guess you do recognise it and beat yourself up for it now. I do not see what other woman per se have to do with it , its probably you looking at those past 7 years and realising how not right it was .

paulineb_2

toffeentom wrote: »

He's always seen the children here - only for ten minutes when he's picked them up from some activity or another. He's hardly spent any time on his own with them. I was told to and should have stopped that right at the time we split up. I haven't had one weekend to myself in 7 years.

I've only had one relationship since we split which ended about 4 weeks ago and he was partly to blame for that with him still coming here (It was difficult to stop it at this point because that's what my daughter was used to and when I mentioned that to her she became upset about him not coming here) and keeping the fact he had a house a secret and they could have stayed with him for the odd weekend giving me some time to pursue my relationship properly. I'm still getting over that.

The fact she lives on my doorstep and socialises with my daughter's friend's parents isn't helping either.

Everything just seems to have landed on me at once and I know I've got to stop letting it eat away at me or I'll drive the children away.

And yes it has felt like they're my children for the past 7 years. I've even cooked his Christmas dinner every year because they wanted to see him and he's not even made an effort at Christmas.

Take the rose tinted specs off. Your ex wasnt to blame for the split with the person who you have just split from. You are better off without him as well from your other posts.

Also, dont do things for people if you are going to resent it later. You cooked the christmas dinners, you did it for the best reasons.

You cant change this man into someone who has a set of balls and who cares about his kids the way he should.

Do you know how long its been since Ive seen my dad? 40 years and he has another family who dont know I exist. Some people are a waste of oxygen but to my mums credit she never ever tried to keep me from trying to find him and she never ever bad mouthed him even though I bet she wanted to.

Let it go. You've done your bit, youve been there for the kids, he hasnt and Im afraid he could be dating your best mate and you'd need to deal with it.

And Im sure you are hurting because he has someone and your relationship has just finished. But its colouring your view.

justme111

It does look to me as if you wearing a martir hat in exchange to.kids having relationship with you and not him. Now you seen relationship with him may be developed by.kids and felt cheated on.

Desperado99

Think of it this way. Now they're older and he wants to see them independently from you..... you wont have to deal with his cr*p anymore, and congratulate yourself for facilitating a good relationship between them.

BugglyB

I do feel for you OP. Unfortunately in life we do not get any prizes for being good people, often quite the opposite.

You are resentful that he has spent years living a single life where you have been in home every night kids in bed by 9 watching crap telly, cleaning up sick and mending grazed knees and doing the school run and all that.

I bet during all that time you would have killed for a weekend in a hotel with a new fling or a few nights a week to go to the pub with your mates. He could have once, just once, taken them out to pizza hut so you could have a few hours to yourself.

Now dad has a new girlfriend and probably has told her he is a good dad and sees his kids as often as possible, and now has to prove that to her? Or perhaps she is encouraging him to improve his relationship with them. Either way its only a good thing for the children.

I strongly believe as your daughter grows up and has her own children she will understand that it was you that raised her and you that put the time in looking after her and making your family work.

Errata

. What do I do.

Nothing. Live your own life and let your children live theirs.