Ex has met new woman

toffee'n'tom

This is really difficult for me.

My ex husband and I split nearly 7 years ago after I found out he was seeing someone else. We had grown apart and that was the final straw. He probably regretted it more than me. He moved out and has never ever ever had my two children (aged 11 and 9 at the time and now 18 and 16) to stay for even one weekend or a holiday away. He hasn't taken them out for one day, for their sake I have invited him here for Christmas dinner every single year. He only sees them at my house, previously picking them up from activities and now because they're older on his way back from work for 10 minutes or so.

i've now found out he's met another woman. An ex from years ago. My daughter has just told me that he's asked her if she wants to meet her and he's taking her to a family reunion at the end of August and do my two want to go with him.

As I said he's never even had them for one weekend in 7 years, only seen them at my house and now the goal posts have changed. I am really really upset over this. What do I do.

paulineb_2

You let the kids do what they want to do. Given that they are 18 and 16.

I know its tough and you seem to have had a lot on your plate lately but try not to let that colour your view on this.

One night out doesn't make up for years of hardly bothering with them, but it has to be their decision.

maman

I could be completely wrong here but might it be he's more comfortable with the children now he can contact them directly (i.e. not through you as he'd have done when they were young). My ex did that and didn't see DD (admittedly we lived far away)from when she was 11 until 18 then he contacted her directly, took her on holiday etc.

Another possibility is that the 'new' woman has told him his behaviour is odd and he's listening.

Blackpool_Saver

Maman is probably right ....

toffee'n'tom

This is so hard for me and I'm really really hurting about this. His family and I were really close. He only just told me that he only married one person and would make sure I was always ok.

The only two days he's had out with his children in 7 years are days I've arranged. He's with my son now at a sporting event (as I couldn't go this year because of work commitments) my son's competing in . Supposed to be for the week but because 2 days will probably be free he's saying there's nothing to do and he's coming back.

My son, who's 18, sees through it all but in the eyes of my daughter, who's 16, he can do no wrong.

He bought a house two years ago - which could have given me some time to myself - but didn't tell us until a couple of weeks ago. I feel so resentful I can't put it into words.

*max*

You clearly haven't let go. It's been 7 years. SEVEN YEARS. You seem unbelievably resentful of him getting a life when you feel he somehow prevented you to. He didn't - you did. No matter how much of a !!!!!! you think he was, that shouldn't have stopped you from living your life, even with two kids. Tell you a secret - she's probably not his first girlfriend since you broke up, seven years ago.
Let go of your resentment or it'll eat you alive.

seven-day-weekend

He is their father and they are old enough to chose whether they want to spend time with him or not, regardless of your relationship with your ex-husband, or his previous relationship with them.

My husband did not see his father although he wanted to when he was grown up, because of his mother's reaction, and his father died when he was still quite young and my husband never saw him again. He has always regretted this.

Let your two young adults make their own decision on this.

floss2

I agree with the other posters - it doesn't seem as though you have let go of the relationship, and TBH your kids are really quite old enough to make their own arrangements to see their dad.

Have you thought about having any counselling to help you to move on to new stages of your life?

Funky_Bold_Ribena

Which bit are you upset about? The bit about meeting a new woman after 7 years, taking her to a family reunion or that your kids want to go too? It's their family as well, so it's perfectly natural for them to want to go.

Tiglath

How come you refer to them as MY kids and not OUR kids?

the_pink_panther_2

I understand your frustrations.

Ultimately the children are old enough to decide what contact they want and the best you can do is support their decision either way. Your daughter needs to discover the truth, whatever it is, which is likely to become apparent in time.

Often the more someone means to you, the more you feel let down when that person isn't who you thought. For that reason I do think your daughter will suss it for herself one way or the other and for her sake I hope he is genuinely making an effort.