Musings about a new relationship

FBaby

You say in your first post that his ex-wife didn't get along with his daughter. Does this mean that it was his second marriage?

If he indeed has only been divorced (or is it separated) from his 2nd wife for one year and it was a bitter separation, then no kidding he is taking his time to rush into a relationship. He probably is much more focused on protecting himself than building another serious relationship.

He is probably one of those men who hasn't settled for 'never ever again', but at the same time who needs some time to breath before considering anything serious again. It's been less than 3 months and you only get to see each other occasionally. Give him a chance. He might really like you, he might not be against a relationship but might just not need promises, compromises and total commitment that early on. If you really like him and nothing has gone wrong yet or making you think he is not the one for you, how about just being patient? Enjoy what you have with him and don't expect more for the tie being. If there are no evolution at all in 6 months or so, then a talk might be more sensible then.

justme111

[QUOTE=FBaby;
If he indeed Enjoy what you have with him and don't expect more for the tie being. If there are no evolution at all in 6 months or so, then a talk might be more sensible then.

Again , people feel what they feel. If she wants more commitment from relationship then no point pretending she does not. Physiologically where sex is involved hormones make women want it all bells and whistles .

[Deleted User]

justme111 wrote: »

[QUOTE=FBaby;
If he indeed Enjoy what you have with him and don't expect more for the tie being. If there are no evolution at all in 6 months or so, then a talk might be more sensible then.

Again , people feel what they feel. If she wants more commitment from relationship then no point pretending she does not. Physiologically where sex is involved hormones make women want it all bells and whistles .

I agree 100% with this statement. Its happened to me on more than one occasion.
If im intimate with a guy I expect him to respect me by calling me, seeing me and generally wanting to get to know me more.
Its generally known men can have sex without getting emotionally involved, but for women when they do have sex they do get emotionally involved. That's the difference between men and woman and I agree with the saying Men need sex to feel loved and women need love to have sex.
By love I mean from the man being caring, involved and respectful

justme111

Sorry op I assumed there was sex involved. Knowing human nature I can bet there was as if there was not you would not be fretting about how distant he is and he would been in a chasing mode which would meen far more involvement

Maureen43

Update: He has ended it today as it doesn't feel right. Apparently it is him not me :rotfl:That old chestnut!

Anyway, being positive, it has been fun while it lasted and I have learned some valuable lessons. For example, if he doesn't seem that keen, he probably isn't........

candygirl

Maureen43 wrote: »

Update: He has ended it today as it doesn't feel right. Apparently it is him not me :rotfl:That old chestnut!

Anyway, being positive, it has been fun while it lasted and I have learned some valuable lessons. For example, if he doesn't seem that keen, he probably isn't........

I'm happy for you, he didn't sound good enough tbh x:D

FBaby

For example, if he doesn't seem that keen, he probably isn't........

That should be the manta of the single woman looking for a relationship. It has without a doubt been my experience. All the guys I have ever liked (since my late teens ) that I have wanted more with who have left me analysing things wondering where we were going ended up messing me about or breaking up.

The two -only- men with who I have shared a long term relationship with showed me from the beginning that they were interested. Not once with either of them was I left wondering anything about their feelings for me.

Men are simple creatures -most of the time-, when they want something, they don't think about much, they go for it one way or the other. Mixed messages mean 9 times out of 10 that things won't developped in anything worth bothering with.

Maureen, I hope you meet that special man soon who will show you that he really wants something with you and makes it clear, however slow or not he is.

sosad1968

candygirl wrote: »

I'm happy for you, he didn't sound good enough tbh x:D

That is very kind, thanks. I don't think it is ever going to be easy for me to find someone when I have two teenage kids. We don't make a very attractive package I suspect.

sosad1968

FBaby wrote: »

Maureen, I hope you meet that special man soon who will show you that he really wants something with you and makes it clear, however slow or not he is.

I'm not holding out much hope......

Interestingly though I don't think I will miss him. I think I will miss being in a couple again...someone to cuddle up to in bed, someone to ask about my day. I hate being on my own.

I will miss his dog though. What does that say about me??!!

ostrichnomore_2

Better luck next time Maureen, but as you say, you had a nice time and learned a few things so it was still worth it overall.

I'm on month 5 of what is turning into something serious and I had a lot to learn about dating too. Something that is making this really work is that we communicate a lot about how we feel and what we want/don't want, right from the start. There have been times when we don't feel the same way or want the same thing, but it helps us understand each other and know where we stand, and that it's ok for us to not always be in synch as long as we agree about the big things - ie that we both think this is going to be serious, but the timing and exactly how, is not so important. This is pretty new for me and it's made such a difference. It's a big lesson I've learned in how I now think relationships should work.