Musings about a new relationship

paulineb_2

justme111 wrote: »

Pauline , one of the differences you mention is due to having.kids , its nothing.to do with age. Another one is due to someone stringing you.along , again not age related.

I disagree, people are more likely to have kids in their 30s and 40s and I know some people do have kids in their 20s, but when I dated in my 20s, no one I dated had kids.

Not in my early 20s and not in my late 20s

And yes, people can be strung along at any age, my point was, relating to the OP's post, some people can be distant when they have something to hide.

Not all, but some.

Dunroamin

justme111 wrote: »

I see , so at 40+ going out or going on holidays together or weekends out does not exist anymore :rotfl:

It's all sat at tv or in bed and then moving together :eek:

It was the OP who said they could only see each other occasionally, not me!

Goldiegirl

Brighton_belle wrote: »

Re the phone thing - some people find the phone ghastly. My DH never rings me when we are apart (nor I him).
So it may be he is just not a phone person.

That's what I was thinking.

I never phone someone unless I have something to say, or something to tell them.

I never phone just for a chat.

TBH, I wouldn't like it if someone phoned me every night

paulineb_2

The thing that jumps out from the post at the beginning is, maybe this man isnt ready to be dating yet, full stop.

justme111

paulineb wrote: »

I disagree, people are more likely to have kids in their 30s and 40s and I know some people do have kids in their 20s, but when I dated in my 20s, no one I dated had kids.

Not in my early 20s and not in my late 20s

And yes, people can be strung along at any age, my point was, relating to the OP's post, some people can be distant when they have something to hide.

Not all, but some.

Pauline , I know many people with very young kids in their 20s and by 40s those kids grown up and is far easier to date.
originally dunroamin said due to age she did not see any other stage than living together to which I noted options have nothing to do with age. Yes they would have something to do with kids but the age at which it may become an issue I'd individual.
Agree re distant , whether it is due to something hiding or not ready or whatever else its a big no no for me and I would not even be bothered with why's , if someone is not an open book it is an immediate turn off. And , if a woman this guy dating knows in detail the penurias of his divorce - agreed, not ready. One can be divorce counselor to friends , nit to a man one is dating

justme111

Goldiegirl wrote: »

That's what I was thinking.

I never phone someone unless I have something to say, or something to tell them.

I never phone just for a chat.

TBH, I wouldn't like it if someone phoned me every night

I almost never talk to my romantic interests on the phone either. But there are texts , msn , seeing them in person - whatever makes one feel one belongs.

dandelionclock30

Maybe this guy just wants a casual friendship/relationship. Maybe he doesnt want to be ringing you all the time,meeting kids etc.
It sounds like you want a full on relationship with someone whos there for you but he doesnt.
Your best off thinking about what you want and having a light chat with him etc. The real bottom line is that a person feels what they feel and it sounds like he is not feeling it. If he was he would be with you I think.
Also a lot of people dont want to be bothered with other peoples kids as they are not the child's parent and dont want all that. Some people love kids, but there are people who will not want to know as well.
Everyone is different. It sounds like he is giving all he is prepared to give. You could ask him to come over a bit more or do a bit more with you.If he doesnt want to then theres your answer.
Also theres plenty of other people out there, so dont get upset if this doesnt turn out how you would like.

justme111

It's not even may be , it is "sure". If he wanted less casual.relationship she would been in no doubt about it. So I do not see any point in talking , one feels what one feels and negotiating with him more involvement is not somethig which I woyld not want to do if I was op , it should be given freely and gladly otherwise no point.

paulineb_2

justme111 wrote: »

Pauline , I know many people with very young kids in their 20s and by 40s those kids grown up and is far easier to date.
originally dunroamin said due to age she did not see any other stage than living together to which I noted options have nothing to do with age. Yes they would have something to do with kids but the age at which it may become an issue I'd individual.
Agree re distant , whether it is due to something hiding or not ready or whatever else its a big no no for me and I would not even be bothered with why's , if someone is not an open book it is an immediate turn off. And , if a woman this guy dating knows in detail the penurias of his divorce - agreed, not ready. One can be divorce counselor to friends , nit to a man one is dating

I understand that, but everyones experience will be different. An ex bf of mine has a kid less than 2 years of age and hes almost 45. However my mum had me at 19 so yes people do have kids young, I just never dated anyone in my 20s who had kids.

I also believe as I said before that everyones experience will be unique. I might be in the minority as Ive never lived with anyone as Im on my 40s, but thats because I never ever had a relationship where moving in together would be the next step, mainly because they werent positive enough relationships for me.

And I absolutely do believe that its possible to have a relationship, whatever your age that doesnt necessarily have living together or marriage as the next option.

I know people who have been married and they feel that they have been there and done that, dont want to move in, dont want to get married but they feel that they are in a long term and committed relationship and if that works for them, fair enough

Its the fact that this guy has been through a recent break up thats had a massive effect on him that is probably the reason why hes feeling the way he is

Some people might be happy with being with him as it stands right now, others wont. But my feeling is, Im not sure hes ready to be dating, far less anything else.

[Deleted User]

This maybe is what he wants from the relationship
Not seeing you much?
Not calling you?
Lazy communication via text and not calling?
Once a fortnight - what do you do on this night?
Don't ask yourself what does he want ask yourself what do YOU want?
Because he already has what he wants and is ok with it.
If theres one this ive learnt at my age, if a guy is into you he WILL call you, as he WILL want to hear your voice. He WILL want to see you more than once a fortnight and he WILL put more effort in to do these things.
Those that snooze loose.... don't take the crumbs... go for a guy that's going to give you the whole loaf and more.........