Musings about a new relationship

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Maureen43 wrote: »

A close relationship where we talk a lot and are there for each other. When I have had a bad day I would like him to come over. When he is feeling sad I would like to know. I would like to have someone to share things with.

Tell him. If he heads for the hills, then he was never going to be that man. If he stays, then he stays.

Dunroamin

justme111 wrote: »

And here we idle lonely or by whatever chance happening to be on our gadgets on Sunday.morning money saving bunch come in handy with our guidance:)
Ps. Dunroamin must be male as he asked what you want then , I understand what you are after perfectly from the first post.:)
Ribena - nothing , it was just an observation. . Glad it went on well for you , may it continue well for many years. Have a nice Sunday

No, female.:rotfl:

I don't understand what someone who's middle aged wants when she says she doesn't want to live with someone but wants to take it to the next level as, for me, the next level is living together.

justme111

Haha tx for correcting me , whoops was wrong in gender stereotyping :P
Well , there are many shades as we all know . One thing is catching with someone once a week and being removed from their life on a day by day basis , another thing is is to be in contact throuout the day or at the end of the day sharing ideas , plans , feelings , jokes , flirts etc. Specially when they are just starting , I remember my day woyld start with good morning text of the guy I was seeing and end with good night text and it was effortless. Well , with different people it had different slant to it but there was contact on a daily basis with all . What op describes (although admittedly she dies not go into much details)does not feel like a relationship and more like an occasional rollover

Brighton_belle

Re the phone thing - some people find the phone ghastly. My DH never rings me when we are apart (nor I him).
So it may be he is just not a phone person.

paulineb_2

Im middle aged, 44. Ive never lived with anyone. I dont think there has to be a marriage, or living together at one end of the spectrum and just dating at the other, there can be all sorts in between

Id certainly want to know even if I were dating someone that they wanted to be part of my life.

And if they were distant, then obviously they wouldnt want to be.

Ive never been anti marriage nor anti living together, just never found anyone I wanted to live with.

But I dont think that means if I met someone and they liked me and I liked them, that I wouldnt be committed to them if I didnt move them into my house.

We are all unique and what one person wants another person wont.

justme111

Dunroamin wrote: »

No, female.:rotfl:

I don't understand what someone who's middle aged wants when she says she doesn't want to live with someone but wants to take it to the next level as, for me, the next level is living together.

Just curious , what would be the next level if op was not "middle aged " but "early aged ".
From your post it appears it would been different

Dunroamin

justme111 wrote: »

Just curious , what would be the next level if op was not "middle aged " but "early aged ".
From your post it appears it would been different

Well, if the OP were younger (and without children) she'd probably want to go out with him several nights a week and have weekends and holidays with him before considering moving in or marriage. In other words, a steady boyfriend rather than a partner.

paulineb_2

Its whatever works for the person concerned, to be honest at the moment I think they would be so far away from moving in, they need to sort out whether they have a relationship thats going to work out even in the short or medium term

I will say this though, dating in your 40s is very different to in your 20s and sometimes even your 30s

Ive dated people I really did like but they were so protective of their kids (and theres nothing wrong with that), that theres no way we would have been moving in together

I also dated someone about 3 or 4 years ago who kept me very much at arms length because he said he wasnt ready to introduce his kids to me, that actually wasnt the truth, he was dating someone else at the same time who had met them, he later married her

And I dont believe everyone who is cautious is necessarily up to something, but sometimes you think you know someone and you absolutely do not.

justme111

I see , so at 40+ going out or going on holidays together or weekends out does not exist anymore :rotfl:

It's all sat at tv or in bed and then moving together :eek:

justme111

paulineb wrote: »

Its whatever works for the person concerned, to be honest at the moment I think they would be so far away from moving in, they need to sort out whether they have a relationship thats going to work out even in the short or medium term

I will say this though, dating in your 40s is very different to in your 20s and sometimes even your 30s

Ive dated people I really did like but they were so protective of their kids (and theres nothing wrong with that), that theres no way we would have been moving in together

I also dated someone about 3 or 4 years ago who kept me very much at arms length because he said he wasnt ready to introduce his kids to me, that actually wasnt the truth, he was dating someone else at the same time who had met them, he later married her

And I dont believe everyone who is cautious is necessarily up to something, but sometimes you think you know someone and you absolutely do not.

Pauline , one of the differences you mention is due to having.kids , its nothing.to do with age. Another one is due to someone stringing you.along , again not age related.