ex doesnt want my kid to have anything at mine

superstud

Hi all
My child is 4 and lives with my ex, I pay maintenance by arrangement with her and I have him a few nights a week; as per contact order.

He gets clothes and toys off her and the new partner, Possible with the money I provide.

I have asked when he stays at mine dress him in his favourite shoes or let him bring his scooter so I can help him ride it; And it will be returned when I drop him off.

my request has been met with:

1. Buy your own clothes and Scooter for your house your not having this one.

2. George (her new partner) bought it and said your not having it.

Where do I, legally I guess, stand as I spend lots on him the days I have him, And he can go home in new stuff I buy him; I don't mind as I bought them for him to use/ wear.

I think it will have a detrimental effect on him by not being able to take little things to his dads.

EG When he is 13 will she expect me to buy a another Xbox for my house too?? counterproductive IMO
Any thoughts welcome...

Thanks

Erinnire

It's a pain but I would just buy him the things he needs/wants at yours for yours to save on hassle and petty arguments. Scooters are only around £10.

When he is older it won't (hopefully) be such an issue as he will be able to have some weighting in bringing his stuff to yours himself.

I assume he comes with an appropriate amount of shoes/clothing from his mums when he comes to stay. I would in that case buy him a few spares that are kept and washed at yours for if he gets mucky etc.. And a nice outfit or two for if you go out and want/need to dress up.

balletshoes

you can't legally do anything about where your child's belongings stay when your child is with you.

If your ex doesn't agree with your stance on this, then maybe you could consider having some stuff at your house which does stay at yours, for the child to use?

Sagz_2

Pick your battles carefully, this one (imho) is not worth the hassle.

Lagoon

My personal thought would that he has two homes, so I would equip your house so that it 'feels' like his home.

I do think that if he keeps bringing his belongings to you, and taking them back, then it will be a hassle and it might make him see visits to you as more of a 'hotel' situation.

That's probably not explained very well, and I do understand your point of view, but I think his homes should both be places where he knows he has things and, as he grows, he doesn't have to go to the effort of packing lots of stuff to bring with him.

And, in return, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you having clothes in his bedroom for him to wear whilst he's at yours, and that stay at yours. Again, your home is his and not a hotel room.

superstud

I have things at my house for him its more a matter of not wanting to disappoint him or confuse him.

EG why get him another DS (over £150) or bike (£100 +) when he wants to bring his 'own' from his mums; and "he doesnt no why he cant."
His words not mine.

balletshoes

superstud wrote: »

I have things at my house for him its more a matter of not wanting to disappoint him or confuse him.

EG why get him another DS (over £150) or bike (£100 +) when he wants to bring his 'own' from his mums; and "he doesnt no why he cant."
His words not mine.

you say "you need to ask your mum". And you don't put any tone or slight on it.

hayday75

They sound like they are being spiteful towards you ,just buy stuff yourself ( shop around ebay internet ect) .
Make sure you let them know what great things you have bought for your child

thehappybutterfly

superstud wrote: »

I have things at my house for him its more a matter of not wanting to disappoint him or confuse him.

EG why get him another DS (over £150) or bike (£100 +) when he wants to bring his 'own' from his mums; and "he doesnt no why he cant."
His words not mine.

That's his mum's problem to explain. I agree with other posters and think it would be best to have a bunch of toys at yours, making it his 'other home'. And he's only four - his toys don't need to be expensive. Second hand stuff is perfectly acceptable at that age.

ValHaller

superstud wrote: »

EG When he is 13 will she expect me to buy a another Xbox for my house too?? counterproductive IMO
Any thoughts welcome...

Your time will come. Just wait until he is 13.

Meanwhile, do your best to kit him with stuff for while he is at yours and as suggested, when he asks why he can't have his stuff from his mum's, just say, 'ask your mum' as suggested.

Don't make a big thing of it. Don't arm him for a battle, because if you do, he will take the battle on before he is ready to win. Just let him deal with it in his own time.

Beetlemama

He's four babe, you don't have to actually explain it. just say mummy wants to look after it for you, you can have two bikes and two scooters and two xboxes. You don't have to buy £100 and £200 new ones, a second hand bike is £5 - £ 20 most places. Give him a brush and a pot of paint one Saturday morning and let him customise it. The new xbox one is out soon and old 360's will be all over eBay.

The others are right, it's annoying and irritating, but it's not a battle you need, or can really win. Save your energy for the teenage fights when she thinks you should buy him his first car cos you're the dad.