ex doesnt want my kid to have anything at mine

Valli

Carl31 wrote: »

Just be as good dad you can and ignore things like this. As your son grows older he will see the pettiness for what it is. Just be the hero he wants you to be

I went through the same, I think us dads all do, it will get better over time as long as you remain fair in your approach

I have never, ever stopped my kids taking any of their things to their dad's, some of us are more than willing to do all we can to ensure the children have a good relationship with their dad. I have also provided things for the day, when appropriate, for instance when they've been taken to the seaside I have checked that they have suncream and sent mine, if necessary.

Funky_Bold_Ribena

hayday75 wrote: »

They sound like they are being spiteful towards you ,just buy stuff yourself ( shop around ebay internet ect) .
Make sure you let them know what great things you have bought for your child

I disagree. I think it is a phenomenal PITA to be bringing bikes, toys, clothes etc to and fro each week/weekend/visit.

OP just get your son his own toys and clothes that stay at yours. Maintenance doesn't mean you can't spend your own money on him.

Valli

Funky_Bold_Ribena wrote: »

Maintenance doesn't mean you can't spend your own money on him.

No, this is true. You are also not supposed to keep half of it back to spend on the kids when they spend a day at yours:rotfl:- now watching my EX explain that one to the judge was absolutely priceless.

Judge soon put him right;)

thorsoak

My friend's son's marriage went belly-up just after his father died -so he moved back in with his mum - seems to be working out okay. He and his wife have stayed on good terms for the sake of their son (he is 3 now) and has seen him every other weekend and a couple of evenings during the week. Now the little boy is 3, he has started staying at "Daddy & gramma's house". And daddy has bought a toddler bed - like the one he now sleeps in at his home, and has bought toys similar to those at home too. My friend (gramma) has bought a few extra sets of clothes for him and already had lots of toddler things from other grandchildren who stay from time to time - so less hassle for mum when she packs him up to go and stay with daddy.

When daddy gets his own property the bed will go too, as will most of the toys.

brenda10

Do what my brother does for his 4 year old, do adventure things, you don't need all these bikes etc, it will be exciting to do all the unusual things. He doesn't believe a child of that age should be left sitting biggest part of the day playing games etc. His wife that was destructs any items of clothing etc he sends so he keeps what he buys, maybe your partner feels you may damage things or is just being downright awkward, after all they are her things she bought no matter what money she is paid in maintainence. Only you and her will know the truth of the matter and how complex these things are and the feelings that run deep. Good Luck in life, enjoy your child, do the simple things in life, love them and leave your positive mark for your child to remember you by. Wife is a narcissist-a parasite to her child-it is only the matter of time and a negative mark will be noted by the child, then comes the time they choose who loves them and who doesn't.

elsien

brenda10 wrote: »

Wife is a narcissist-a parasite to her child-it is only the matter of time and a negative mark will be noted by the child, then comes the time they choose who loves them and who doesn't.

Rather an extreme judgement don't you think, about someone you've never met and have only one side of the story to go on.

Funky_Bold_Ribena

brenda10 wrote: »

Wife is a narcissist-a parasite to her child-it is only the matter of time and a negative mark will be noted by the child, then comes the time they choose who loves them and who doesn't.

Or she is sensible and knows that carrying stuff from house to house will give her backache and a headache if he forgets something one time.

pinkshoes

The best thing you can give your 4 year old is your undivided love and attention when he's at yours.

Better than any toy!

Alan_T_2

Read through most of the points raised on the thread, unfortunately too many for me to respond to the posters directly. My background is that I'm a separated father of a 4yr old, sharing custody on a pretty much 50/50 basis. We've been pretty sensible about most of this, and managed to avoid most of the issues, but there are a few things that we've done that might help.

With regards to toys we've made the decision to have 2 different sets of toys at each house to save lugging things back and forward, and any moans about things being left in one house or another...My Little Pony at mum's, and Lego/Playmobile at mine. When it comes to bikes/scooters etc realistically it needs to be one at each...but neither are new and she doesn't mind at all.

For clothing we tend to get our own things for her and keep them at our own houses. However there is often a crossover of clothing ending up at each others house, usually mine going to mum's as I tend to do the wash and return of what she is wearing (in the bag she brings). The way we handle it is every so often have an amnesty of the clothing that has ended up in the others house.

From the original posters cooments it would appear that my situation and approach may not be practical re clothing, but the toys one should work, and as others have said kids are pretty good at segregating what toys are where.

shop-to-drop

Next time he comes to you take him with £20 to a car boot sale. He will absolutely love it. You should come back with everything he could need and have a lovely day out as well. Definitely spend time doing father and son stuff rather than leaving him to play with toys though. Bet he'd be dead proud of all the stuff you teach him as he grows up. Card games have always gone down well with our boys for instance and a pack of cards costs a quid.