ex doesnt want my kid to have anything at mine

zzzLazyDaisy

When my grandchildren were that age, they had individual toy boxes at my house (cheap large plastic containers with lids that you get from home bargains and the like).

We decorated them together with stickers and marker pens, and I would pick up toys and little gifts for them so that when they came to visit, there was always great excitement when we got the toy boxes out to see what surprises they might hold. I also picked up a couple of scooters which lived in the garage and they really loved playing on them.

My eldest is 20 now and pregnant. She came to visit the other week and said 'do you still have my toy box grandma?'. I did and she spent ages going through it and reminiscing!

He is 4 years old. He won't make a fuss about it if you don't.

Kayalana99

I think thier is slight pettieness on the Mums side...but I do think out of the two parents I would see you as the unreasonable one.

He's abit young atm, so it shouldn't matter to much. Pratically if he *wanted* to bring his DS or his xbox because you didn't have one then perhaps his mother should let him because HE wants to that time.

To expect your son to pack up a bag full of a DS, xbox, bike clothes..anything he might need to spend time with you is asking to much of your SON not just the mother. (Your son will be old enough to choose what he wants to bring soon enough I know he is only four now)

As others have said it would basicly feel like a hotel. I would take things like xboxs and bikes that you'd buy double of...perhaps a game or two but its the small things he should be able to bring like the ds and xbox games but if his mother says no then thats her choice end day.

Mantence is paid for the mother to spend any way she wishs on the child, through paying bills to buying toys... its not an excuse for you not to buy the things you need for your son instead of borrowing them of your Ex wife.

peachyprice

superstud wrote: »

I have things at my house for him its more a matter of not wanting to disappoint him or confuse him.

EG why get him another DS (over £150) or bike (£100 +) when he wants to bring his 'own' from his mums; and "he doesnt no why he cant."
His words not mine.

I had a very amicable divorce, despite that my boys still had duplicates of stuff likes bikes and x-boxes at their dads, it just makes life easier.

Clothes got worn, washed and ironed wherever they happened to end up, portable things like DS's/PSP's got taken back and forth, anything bigger got bought twice, one left at mine, one left at ex's.

You can't expect your son to know that he's going to want to ride his scooter/bike at yours when he's visiting and surely you don't expect him to bring it back and forth every time, just in case?

meritaten

whats wrong with keeping his stuff you bought at yours? take him shopping for clothes etc he keeps at your place. he may enjoy being able to have 'stuff' his mum wouldn't buy him! kids are good at 'pigeonholing' in this situation.
just don't let him take or wear anything home you bought. its going to be wrong. whatever he arrives in - wash and press and he wears that home.

maman

ValHaller wrote: »

Your time will come. Just wait until he is 13.

I can just imagine him having to be surgically separated from his mobile!:rotfl:

zzzLazyDaisy wrote: »

When my grandchildren were that age, they had individual toy boxes at my house (cheap large plastic containers with lids that you get from home bargains and the like).

We have an ottoman full of toys and special shelf for books. Our DGDs don't have expensive stuff here. That's because we're in a position to spend time with them playing board games or cards or reading to them. I think a break from computer games won't do any harm.

I do think your ex is being petty and spiteful but I imagine that if/when you equip your home with toys you'd think twice about him taking them home with him.

My advice would be, don't rise to her bait and buy some cheap stuff but more importantly give him time.

elsien

meritaten wrote: »

whats wrong with keeping his stuff you bought at yours? take him shopping for clothes etc he keeps at your place. he may enjoy being able to have 'stuff' his mum wouldn't buy him! kids are good at 'pigeonholing' in this situation.
just don't let him take or wear anything home you bought. its going to be wrong. whatever he arrives in - wash and press and he wears that home.

I have a relative who does that. Their mum was sending the kids to his in really old tatty ill fitting clothes, then keeping the new ones he bought when they wore them to go back to her. (And no it's not because she can't afford new). So now they change back into the clothes they came in when they go to their other home. And the kids have their own toys, bike etc at dads. Sometimes if there's something they really want to take to their mums he says yes, but explains if they don't bring it back, they'll have less to play with the next time they come. Works for them, although the children are older than yours.

barbiedoll

I think your ex (and her charming-sounding partner) are being a bit petty, maybe they think that you're going to keep his scooter/fave shoes just to spite them? Who knows what's going on in their heads but you shouldn't make a fuss, your son needs your time, not vast amounts of money spent on duplicate toys etc.

I know that when my son was that age, he wouldn't be parted from his favourite Thomas train so when he went to my mum's, I would take a few of his toys there. She ended up buying toys for him anyway, quite a few of which she found in charity shops. He had a huge toybox there, along with a stone windmill in her garden ("Because he likes windmills!") a stone duck (ditto) etc etc.

You can pick up a second-hand bike very cheaply, scooters are around a tenner and don't spend a fortune on new clothes for him, go to Primark, Asda etc for a few spare outfits to keep at your place. As others have said, you should rise above this pettiness, he won't care too much about using a second-hand bike, he would be far more upset if you and his mum end up rowing about it.

Valli

Lagoon wrote: »

My personal thought would that he has two homes, so I would equip your house so that it 'feels' like his home.

Again, your home is his and not a hotel room.

superstud wrote: »

I have things at my house for him its more a matter of not wanting to disappoint him or confuse him.

EG why get him another DS (over £150) or bike (£100 +) when he wants to bring his 'own' from his mums; and "he doesnt no why he cant."
His words not mine.

balletshoes wrote: »

you say "you need to ask your mum". And you don't put any tone or slight on it.

This. She doesn't want him to bring stuff to yours; let her explain why.

I had a friend who was PWC of her son; the NRP and new partner gave him xmas gifts etc while he was at theirs then wouldn't let him take HIS things 'home' with him. Your son will work it out for himself as he gets older - you just need to bide your time.

Bet he chooses to spend a lot more time with you as he gets older;)

Carl31

Just be as good dad you can and ignore things like this. As your son grows older he will see the pettiness for what it is. Just be the hero he wants you to be

I went through the same, I think us dads all do, it will get better over time as long as you remain fair in your approach

Battleaxe44

He is four. Don't make this a battle. Buy what he needs, keep these things at your house, let him have two homes, where he has different treasures. if he wants or needs a bike, get a second hand one, paint it to what he wants, same as a scooter, these will be his treasures at Daddy's House and they will be there for him when he visits, same as the clothes. if he asks, just say 'ask Mum'. Sounds like she is being petty and hitting back at you. I know it galls you when you are paying maintenance, but this is the way of the world these days

Are you saying you don't have an X-Box of your own yet?

Don't sweat it. let you son have two homes with different treasures at each home.

How do I know this, I am the child of divorce and then went much the same thing with my own children and when I became a wicked step mother.

Don't let your little man become a pawn in what could develop into a nasty game.

Oh when my son went to his Dad, I never mionded what he took with him and his Dad was the same, no battles there. Sadly couldn't say the same for the step-children's mother.

Good luck