Wedding present - is this a bit cheeky or am I tight

Lucie_2

I'd be tempted to send her a bill, with a line added in the bottom saying that you will generously donate the amount straight to the hospice on her behalf, once you have received it!

RadoJo

My OH is a musician and often plays at friends' wedding and parties and I think people genuinely forget that this is a service being provided to them as well as a really nice way of organising your wedding!
We are getting married next year and so are calling in a few favours from people who he has played for (works very well for me - I just have to organise him!) and they are mostly very grateful, appreciateive of his efforts, and only too happy to help in return, but you do get the odd one who makes all kinds of demands and seems to forget that they are getting a gift!

I agree that you have done enough for this couple - how would they even know whether you had donated to the hospice or not? Surely they aren't going to ask for a list of names and figures are they? Charity is a personal thing and I suspsect that her insistence is a way of drawing attention to the couple's 'selflessness' by asking for donations instead of wedding presents!

Soph

Totally agree with everyone else! I am getting married in September this year and I presonally think that what you are contributing already is more than generous!

Besides, the whole nature of a donation like this is that it is voluntarily given and down to the discretion of the giver. I agree with RadoJo that it could be to draw attention to the fact that they're asking for charity donations.

Justie

any gift should be just that, something given willingly and because you want to not because it's expected or demanded. We put a note on our invites that we'd much rather have people come to our wedding than have their presents but if they wanted to give something and needed ideas we told them who to contact. To me having friends and family there was way more important than tallying up the gifts

Jennie_2

All these lovely people above have said the same thing Welshlassie and I agree with them all.

If it were me I would be so thrilled with the gift you are "giving". Why she is asking for the donation as well is beyond me. I too would ask her if she would prefer the disco and video book or the donation. I would put money on her choosing the disco!!!!

1012donna

I totally agree with what has already been said. I think she is very cheeky expecting you to make a donation too. I would explain that you are losing money by giving them the guest book and disco as a present as it could have been used by your husbands associate so you feel that the £450 you are donating to their night is quite sufficient.

Errata

I doubt many guests will be donating £400/500 to the hospice!
Why not donate a tenner? That way you fulfil her wishes and she won't be able to comment on the amount. And if she does, you can have a very blunt conversation with her.

freebird65

Blimmin cheeky - people do shock me sometimes. Am in total agreement with everyone else and liked Lucie's idea of suggesting you'll donate the £450 cost of the disco/video diary straight to the hospice when you receive it from them. Guaranteed she'll be straight on the phone apologising.

Debt_Free_Chick

Cheeky? I think she's bloody rude. Presents are not obligatory anyway. What is she going to do - refuse to allow anyone into the Ceromony/Reception unless they can show a receipt for the donation?

I would jokingly suggest that SHE pays your fee to the Hospice on your behalf

louidog

I think she has a big cheek and I personally would withdraw from the offer of "donating" the disco and guest book and let them get someone in to do it. They would have to pay then....doubt they would like that one tiny bit. Remember, if your hubby does the disco etc that then means he will not enjoy the wedding as he will be working!
I don't know what it is lately with people telling others what gifts they expect at their weddings. When I got married we got what we were given....yes, that meant 2 toasters and some towels!