Wedding present - is this a bit cheeky or am I tight

Welshlassie

We've been invited to a friends wedding in a few weeks time. They have been living together for a few years and have decided that as their house is all set up they would like people to donate to a local hospice that they both have a connection with instead of presents.

Prioir to this being decided my DH had volunteered to do their disco for them and video guest book as our present, which they willing accepted, (total cost if they had paid £450), we're also having to get one of our friends to assist with the guest book and help set up and pack up and drive so my DH can have a drink.

A couple of months ago we were out with them, talking about the wedding and the bride mentioined in passing that she was still expecting a donation from us to the hospices. Now I'm not usually tight by any stretch of the imagination, but I feel this is a bit on the cheeky side. The bride isn't overly keen on getting married anyway and has spent most of the wedding preparations moaning about the amount of money they are spending and what else they could spend it on, but she seems happy enough to take freebies and the donations from the guests.

What does everyone else think? Am I being tight or are they expecting too much?

kr15snw

I would say this was a bit cheeky. Im doing all my brothers stationary for his wedding and have had to drag my other brother in on it, as Ive worked out its going to cost quite a bit!

Maybe just make a small donation to keep her happy though and to avoid arguments? Even if its like £10?

oops_a_daisy

For what its worth I personally dont think you are being tight at all, I think she is being very cheeky to put it mildly. Why not let the couple choose if they want the disco & video guest book OR a donation and see which they prefer.
I have a wedding to attend in July of a friends daughter. The hen night has cost £30 so far and that doesnt include food, drinks and club door entrance fees then I have to pay out for a hotel and transport to get to the wedding ( not to mention an outfit ) so I am just waiting to see what they expect for a wedding 'gift'

Mizz_Pink

Yes I think its unfair. You should tell them that doing the disco and video is their wedding gift from you and your hubby. Presumably you are hiring the disco equipment etc or even if its hubbys he would normally be paid for the disco in any other circumstance.

carly

They are expecting way too much. I would not hesitate to ask her to choose between the disco and the donation to the hospice. Tell her how much the disco would normally have cost.

Welshlassie

My DH does discos and video guest books for wedding self employed so the equipment is all his own, but it does mean he's had to turn down another gig for that night because he is using the equipment at their wedding (he has a friend who helps him out if he is unable to make it to a gig due to other commitments).

Thanks for your comments, its made me feel better. DH wants to give a donation just to keep them happy, but I've said no, I suppose we'll just have to see how it goes.

Aldeney

I think she is being unfair especially since you have already arranged a gift for her. However worthy the cause a donation is voluntary & I don't feel it's right to try & push someone into making a contribution.

GreenNinja

I can't believe your friend was cheeky enough to actually drop into the conversation that she expected a donation from you as well as doing the disco!
Some people just beggar belief don't they?
I would what somebody else on here suggested, ask which they would prefer, a donation or the disco.

Good luck!

Counting_Pennies_2

Very cheeky, although perhaps in the rush of arrangements she has forgotten the huge present you are giving them already.

I would just write something in the card to say that you hope they enjoy the gift and leave it at that

bloomin_freezing

cheeky cow!

MATH

I would explain that you can either:
a: bill her for the video and disco and you will make a donation
or
b: you will give her the video and disco as a gift and make no donation
if neither of these suit her I would suggest
c: GET LOST YOU CHEEKY MARE