Am I giving in again? Am I doing it right? I just don't know.

sulkisu

FBaby wrote: »

It is so so rare to see a parent truly putting the interests of their children first like you do.

Really? Most parents that I know do this every day .

Mojisola

LannieDuck wrote: »

The judge has given you an unbiased decision about contact. It's binding. Why are you even considering changing it to suit your ex? He couldn't persuade a judge, so now he's trying to persuade you.

Just stick with the contact plan from the court. That's by far the easiest in the long-run. If you give an inch, he'll mither you forever for a mile. (You've already shown him that he can have more contact if he hassles you. You need to draw a line in the sand otherwise he'll push and push and push.)

Re the school - I agree with neverdespairgirl. Send a polite but firm letter explaining what the judge decided, and ask them not to put further pressure on you. You have a court order and will be sticking to it.

Agree with all this.

The judge made a ruling - both of you should stick by it.

Learn to say NO.

RAS

SunshineButterfly wrote: »

The school do not know the full story as I have been careful not to paint anyone out badly as it seems unfair on the children. Yet dad seems quite happy in having a nice negative chat about me to teachers and school staff.

SS have referred us to family group conference and they are coming out to see me next week, but I have no idea what this is really or what is supposed to happen. What I do know is that he will be yet again mithering for more contact.

You may want to talk to social services about ensuring that School do know the background.

At very least the head and the safeguarding person need to a copy of the judgement and I would consider letting them have a copy of the CAFCASS report (if SS agree).

With respect to the children, you need to develop a story along the lines of:

You remember people from Social Services talked to you and brother? They also talked to me and dad, school and nursery. Then we all went to see a judge.

The judge decided that you should live with me and that daddy should only be allowed to see you (state details). If I allow you to see daddy more often then the judge will be angry with me and with daddy. So we have to do what the judge tells us.

Would it help if we put the dates when you see daddy on a calendar so that you can see how many days there are until you visit him again?

Mojisola

SunshineButterfly wrote: »

At the final hearing the judge ordered that the children live with me and see their father for 4 nights in 4 weeks and 2 phone calls in those 4 weeks.

The childrens father has been mithering for weeks for more contact. SS have said it is entirely up to me.

In those 6 weeks I have offered an extra 3 nights in total. I have written an agreement that we have both signed, as contact order says extra "may" be given but only if agreed in writing.

I had also discussed extra phone calls once the boys were settled. He is now mithering for more phone calls and asking me about Xmas and so on.

I do not want to give too much as clearly the judge would of given him more contact if he saw it was beneficial?

Give him an inch and he's going to be in total control again soon.

If you keep giving extra visits and phone calls, what's going to happen next time this ends up back in court? He will have established that you are happy for the children to have much greater contact with him and will be going for that to be confirmed by the judge.

SingleSue

paulineb wrote: »

Shaving a kids hair when the mum has expressly asked not to shave it because they have lovely hair and she wants it to grow?

Seriously, does no one think that hes shaving the hair as a way to score points at the mum and upset her?

He might have the legal right to do it, it doesn't make it right

I can call it abuse in the context of whats going on elsewhere in this situation, because it wasn't done for positive reasons was it? Because they needed a haircut?

It was done to upset the mum. And I also wonder whether it upset the kids as well.

My ex husband did that with our boys (when he was actually having them stay overnight). It upset me, it upset the boys (especially youngest who ex hubby reported to be trying to stick his hair back on his head after the cut) and the upshot of it is that now they are older, they have been growing their hair and refusing all cuts....just to wind their father up!

RAS

Somewhat random but since you have two lively lads, you may find this useful over the summer http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/get-inspired/23342076