Suffering with emotional abuse

Justme29

Please forgive me if I ramble on, but I just want to get it off my chest.

I'm 32, and will have been married for 2 years this Sept, and been with him for 5 years, and I really don't think I can cope anymore.

I'm sitting here in tears after him shouting at me yesterday, after I asked what he had brought, and we haven't spoken since.

It is always like this, I ask him a question, and the shouting, name calling, and threats start. We don't go out anywhere, the last time we went out properly together, was last April on his birthday, where he engineered an argument, so when I ask him about us going out somewhere he says we always argue when we go out, so we won't.

I want to be like other women and their husbands, going out together, even for a drink or a walk.

I can't talk to him about anything, as he always think I want to start an argument, I don't.

I was married before when I was 18, and left him after 2 years as he was extremely abusive, both physically and mentally, and I know he would've killed me if I had stayed. This led me to having severe depression, and even ending up in hospital, though I haven't been on anti depressents for about 10 years.

My husband knows what I went through before, and when we argue, he says it was because of me, my ex was abusive.

I don't know what to do, he has gone out again, and I just feel like hiding away.

We have no children, and due to previous problems, I would have to have IVF to conceive, and I know if it wasn't successful he would blame me.

I don't have much in my life, have two lovely parents, but I can't talk to my mum as she suffers from depression herself, don't have many friends, and because I used to have agoraphobia when I was depressed, still have some social anxiety, which sometimes I need to push myself to even go out the door to work.

I can feel myself slipping down again and that is the last thing I want.

CH27

Contact Women's Aid asap. They will help you.
http://www.womensaid.org.uk/

You need to get out before you slip down.

MakeupAddict_2

I don't have the time to do a proper reply now, but I wanted you to know you're not alone and send you (((hugs))).
Will reply when I can, but I know you'll have had a lot of support on here already by then.
Love
MuAx

whitewing

I think some of his comments are very unreasonable.

I also wonder if you are slightly romanticising what you think a husband/wife relationship is like. This isn't a criticism. My marriage -which I waited a long, long time for - is happy, but not exactly in the way that I dreamed and dreamed about.

Have you had happy times with him, or has there always been an 'edge'?

Janey3

Just sending you a big hug. You shouldn't have to put up with this, he's the one with the problem.

Does he have any 'nice moments' when you can tell him how he makes you feel?

Hang on, hun, you will get lots of support here.

Tiddlywinks

How is he different from the day you married him?

What has changed in his life?

Justme29

Janey3 wrote: »

Just sending you a big hug. You shouldn't have to put up with this, he's the one with the problem.

Does he have any 'nice moments' when you can tell him how he makes you feel?

Hang on, hun, you will get lots of support here.

He does sometimes have some nice moments, when I can talk to him and tell him how I feel about our marriage, and that I want him to stop saying certain things but then he just starts saying that I'll never change, I admit I am paranoid, but I used to be a lot worse.

Justme29

whitewing wrote: »

I think some of his comments are very unreasonable.

I also wonder if you are slightly romanticising what you think a husband/wife relationship is like. This isn't a criticism. My marriage -which I waited a long, long time for - is happy, but not exactly in the way that I dreamed and dreamed about.

Have you had happy times with him, or has there always been an 'edge'?

Hi I know all marriages aren't all rosy, but we literally don't do anything together. In all the time we have been together we have been to the cinema once, meals out probably 7, and we never do the general stuff like shopping together, even if we did something together like a walk every couple of weeks, that would be fine, but we do nothing, even watching tv together we don't do.

When I first met him, it was ok, I wouldn't say happy happy, but content, but there has also been an edge, I remember if we did go out, he would stare, and I mean stare at women so much, we would argue about it, he even did that the second day of our honeymoon to the extent he took off his ring, and stormed off out of the pub when we were having a meal.

marmitepotato

Have courage, don't be a victim again. It he's controlling you and he knows it. No woman should have to suffer any kind if abuse from the 'man' (coward) they live with. If you stay, how do you see the next five years with him? Sending you hugs. X

Tiddlywinks

Justme29 wrote: »

Hi I know all marriages aren't all rosy, but we literally don't do anything together. In all the time we have been together we have been to the cinema once, meals out probably 7, and we never do the general stuff like shopping together, even if we did something together like a walk every couple of weeks, that would be fine, but we do nothing, even watching tv together we don't do.

When I first met him, it was ok, I wouldn't say happy happy, but content, but there has also been an edge, I remember if we did go out, he would stare, and I mean stare at women so much, we would argue about it, he even did that the second day of our honeymoon to the extent he took off his ring.

So, in the 7 years he hasn't changed much... after 5 years you even decided to marry him.

He has said he won't change... So, all you can do is choose to live with it or end it.

All the sympathetic virtual 'hugs' on here aren't going to change anything... You need to make a choice.

Justme29

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

How is he different from the day you married him?

What has changed in his life?

I am probably more different from him instead, I am ashamed to say I used to be violent because of my anger, but I have changed that now, and no matter how much he riles me I would never raise my hand to him again, and I also less possessive than I was, though I still get quite paranoid and jealous. He has becoming less loving.