Real-life MMD: Birthday money mistake - should I ask for some cash back?

skylight

You gave a gift.

I would mention about disappointment in there being no course, but there is no way you can take a gift back.

Just ensure that it never happens again, stick to your limits and never go over again whatever reason - lesson learnt.

tallgirld

I wouldn't ask for any of the money back as you should never give more than you can afford. It may well be that she did intend to spend the money on a teaching course, changed her mind and thought an I Phone was a more attractive option.

The thing about monetary gifts is that you can not expect to control how it is spent. It would have been better to pay the money straight to the college when/if she decided to enrol. I am assuming it's an I phone 5 which retails at £500.

Let the mum know you are disappointed that the money did not go on a course as you were led to believe and in future just give a LOT LESS or NOTHING AT ALL!!!

MoneyHoneyBunny

I think you will have to let this one go and put it down to experience. You should not let yourself be pressured into giving any more then you can comfortably afford to anyone. If the subject is brought up by your friend then you could mention your disappointment that the money wasn't used as you had expected, but other than that I wouldn't make an issue. Just think carefully next time.

sugarbaby125

Remember you should never give to receive. You may have felt pressured by your god daughter's mother, but you gave the money willingly and with no strings attached. calmly ask the mother what is happening with regards to the proposed course, but do not mention the money. A gift is a gift, money or otherwise and the recipient is free to do what they want with a gift

Tiptaker

You can't ask for gift money back but I would make a comment about "what happened to the planned trip?". However, I wouldn't give any further birthday or Christmas presents - 18 is an age to stop expecting handouts - and perhaps buy her something a bit larger for engagement/wedding presents when the time comes. Being a godparent is more than being expected to give big presents, it is being there to offer sound advice and moral backing. Sounds like you have been taken for a mug:(

pennypinchUK

You're kidding, aren't you? You're really saying you're thinking of asking for some 18th birthday money back because you've changed your mind?

Get real - it's entirely your fault for giving more than you could afford in the first place.

elizabethhull

skylight wrote: »

You gave a gift.

I would mention about disappointment in there being no course, but there is no way you can take a gift back.

Just ensure that it never happens again, stick to your limits and never go over again whatever reason - lesson learnt.

Absolutely agree here. Gift is what it says - you no more control what it is spent on than a wedding present (possibly spent on a meal out these days rather than household items), or a christening gift used for a bit of plastic tat rather than something more permanent.
I am incidentally interested in what other people think of an 18th monetary birthday gift, put towards a vehicle which was only insured TPO (didn't even know that was still possible), the vehicle caught fire & all money literally went up in smoke. I didn't send more money, but would other people have done so ?

gosport

the fact that your god daughters mum felt it was okay to ask you for more money for her daughter , tells me exactly what kind of family you are dealing with (not very nice in my book)

Because you have given the money after being told it was for something else entirely, you could i suppose say it was a verbal contract between you and your goddaughters mother, and sue the mother. but im guessing this may not hold up. I dont know.

You say this is your goddaughter and her family, well my advise to you would be to cease contact with them after telling them why you are doing it, because as far as i can see you were well and truly conned. and it is a sad reflection of our times that people like your goddaughters family can be so devious and sly.:(

onesixfive

Gifts cant be reclaimed.
Fancy phones usually come as part of monthly-pay packages, so she's likely saddled with a higher monthly debt too.
I'd make a point when admiring it, of asking if she paid for the phone up front to keep her monthly phone charges down - if so, then maybe she was being quite savvy.
By simply asking - she'd also know that you know what she spent your money on.
I'd also consider casually telling her & her mum you are ceasing presents (to all kids) at 18, (but that depends on what family precedent you've set before her).
If you can't stop presents then I'd consider 3rd world donation gifts - to both her - and her mum! - even if it's only for one year.
It may all seem rather petty, but it would teach them a monetary lesson!

qaz

many folks here are saying here that u cant reclaim gifts. agreed, except it sounds as if the women was tricked/misled into giving part of it. so, shouldn't that part be reclaimable.