Nasty old bag!

Dimey

Thank goodness the MIL is in Australia. Can you imagine the problems if she lived nearby!

I'd go the route of starting a new Facebook page for everyone excluding her. I'd keep the old page going with pics of her and grandchildren only. Just dig out old ones. And keep the news up so that will keep her happy. While everyone else happily gets on with the new pages.

The "fake pages" could become a bit of a game.

Or just close Facebook entirely and just Skype.

Dunroamin

Saturnalia wrote: »

Yep, I know she isn't my MIL and isn't my problem, but she's slagging off my sister, my parents and my nephews and that does upset me. Luckily the boys are too young to see it and the adults shrug it off as "nasty person says nasty things". Let her show herself up.

Your parents have the right idea - take a leaf out of their book and act like an adult.

Tiddlywinks

Saturnalia wrote: »

I haven't spoken about this with my sister or anyone else IRL and I am not going to - I came on here because it is an anonymous safe space where no-one knows me or any of the others involved and their feelings aren't going to be hurt by me blowing off steam here. So how is that "adding misery" then?

I guess you like making unfounded accusations designed to wind people up.

... but you have mentioned it 'a few times'...

Saturnalia wrote: »

I've suggested a few times that Sister block & delete MIL from FB, I can't see any advantage in having her on there, all she brings is grief. However Sis takes the tack of MIL is the kids' Gran, she's not going to stop her seeing pics...

I understand that you feel your sister's MIL is behaving badly but I think you need to take a step back...

Saturnalia

Dimey wrote: »

Thank goodness the MIL is in Australia. Can you imagine the problems if she lived nearby!

I'd go the route of starting a new Facebook page for everyone excluding her. I'd keep the old page going with pics of her and grandchildren only. Just dig out old ones. And keep the news up so that will keep her happy. While everyone else happily gets on with the new pages.

The "fake pages" could become a bit of a game.

Or just close Facebook entirely and just Skype.

Nope, sister is keeping her page as it is and keeping MIL as a friend on there. Her choice, her decision, for reasons I've already explained.

The very first time MIL was rude on a pic of the newborn eldest, I suggested blocking, defriending, letting BIL be her friend and take the nonsense instead of Sis having to... but no, family politics being as they are, MIL would kick off even more if Sis did that so not excluding her is damage limitation, and I completely understand the logic. Up to Sis what she does with her account so I don't mention it.

I'm not friends with the MIL on FB (she tries adding me but I don't want her and don't need to pander to her) and didn't realise I could block her comments, I'll do that. She adds nothing I ever want to see.

Don't worry about any of us! It's one of those things that when it happens is a bit of a GRR! moment and then you forget it happened pretty quickly.

Dimey

Ah well. As your sister has rejected your ideas then she must be content with matters as they are.

I understand why you get Grrr with it but there's nothing you can do except have as little to do with it as possible.

As you say, don't have MIL as a friend and don't read her comments.

At least she's not your MIL :eek:

Prothet_of_Doom

My parents feel a bit left out, because we live near my in laws and they choose to live in the middle of wales 2 hours away. If they ever complain, I remind them that a) I pleaded with them to retire near us. and b) there's a house up the road that they could afford and c) they can come and stay anytime they are not too busy with whatever makes them so busy.

Saturnalia

I'm getting an impression from some of the posts that I'm being judged as the one causing the trouble. I'm not involved in this in any way.

I didn't comment on the pic.
I didn't say anything to sister's MIL either in public or privately.
I am not going to talk about it to sis, mum, dad or anyone else unless they bring it up first in one of our phone calls (which sis sometimes does, if MIL has really upset her, she'll talk to me about it.)
I have no contact with the MIL apart from when we are at family dos, and she's always nice to my face and I get on okay with her, she doesn't appear to have issues with me, strangely enough. So I'm not deliberately blanking her as we don't have contact anyway.
And (thanks Duchy!) I learnt I could block her comments so they don't show on my FB, so from today on I'm unaware of anything she says and can see pics of my nephews in peace.

Why am I being told I need to step back, act like an adult, etc. when I haven't done anything at all?

Apart from moan on a forum where as far as I know, none of the others will see this?

SuzieSue

Saturnalia wrote: »

Why am I being told I need to step back, act like an adult, etc. when I haven't done anything at all?

Apart from moan on a forum where as far as I know, none of the others will see this?

Because you will find that a lot of people on this forum always think the worst of people. It is always decent, caring people like you who are told they are in the wrong, so just ignore it. In fact, you should be pleased that you are being told to do that by these people because it means that you are decent and not like them.

SuzieSue

And don't bother to justify what you are doing as they will just twist everything you say because they have nothing better to do.

Saturnalia

I'm realising I've left a lot out as well, being annoyed about catty comments on FB sounds silly but that was just yesterday's incident and is only a tiny fraction of the tale. I haven't gone into the behaviour at weddings, christenings, any family occasion - the bigger the audience the bigger the performance. Followed by the grand flounce. The threats of "If you don't [do what I demand] I'll [do something you won't like]" that no-one ever calls her bluff on. And even when they do exactly as she asks, there's still a tantrum + flounce. The constantly trying to engineer rows between her grown-up children and their spouses, who thankfully now all see straight through her, but she's still their mother. Worse, turning her grandchildren against each other. Now they are all in their teens (apart from BIL's 2) and none is stupid, they all know the score now. But the youngest two have all this to come.

It would probably be simpler to negotiate with terrorists. The only way of dealing with her is either giving into everything for a quiet life (which they do & it doesn't work) not giving an inch and bearing the outburst (but the outbursts come regardless) or complete disownment. Which I can see happening in the future, if not from her children, definitely from the grandchildren once they are adults.