help - rows over money

Sky_of_Amethyst

My husband and I have a joint bank account and have treated all income asjoint since our marriage 7 years ago. He has been the sole wage earner sincethe birth of our first son, 6 years ago. We have an old car that needsreplacing. Up until now it has been 'his' car as he is the driver. I amcurrently taking lessons in hopes that when I pass my test it will help me backinto employment that I can fit around our son's school hours. Last year my mumdied and left me around £10k in her will. This has been in an ISA and savingsaccount until now. I want to use some of it to buy a car, my husband wants tospend about £5k on a new (2nd hand) car that he will use to go to work andwants me to use the old banger that I really don’t like. He says he deservesthe new car after driving us around for the past few years. I feel like hewants to use my Mum's money to buy himself a car. He thinks I am being unreasonable.It’s causing huge rows. We do need a new car and soon as we have a holidayplanned and don’t think the banger will make the journey. Advice appreciated.

justme111

As you will be just recently passed your test (hopefully) you better have a banger , that's a mo brainer. In a years time you may review the situation . I guess you.could.drive.his as well if circumstances allowed - he did mot.need it at the.time , you needed a reliable.one.for.whatever journey etc

marisco_2

When I had just passed my driving test, I drove around in an old banger for the first couple of years or so. At this stage you will still be relatively inexperienced at being behind the wheel and it is possible you might have a few minor knocks and scrapes. Best to do that in an old car than to damage a new purchase. Maybe this has crossed your husbands mind and explains where he is coming from.

I do think that he could have put his view point across in a better way. There appears to be a bit of a build up of upset and resentment between you both. My advice is to talk things through and clear the air, start to see things as 'ours' rather than 'mine' and 'yours'. The current discord in your relationship could set a bad tone for your holiday. I hope that you can sort it all out with him.

Rottensocks

Hmm, well if he is the one that works and brings in the filthy lucre to the house, while your contribution is childcare, he does need a safe car to get there.

Totally understand that you will want a car, so if you don't want to drive a banger, look at if a diiferent way: How much will you get for the banger if you sell it? That forms part of the pot.

Look at the type of car you DO fancy - get some ideas on Autotrader of the make and model etc, and then get some insurance quotyes. As a newly qualified driver, you may want a lie down afterwards! I think you should investigate the costs of what a car will cost you before being adamant about it: it can end up much dearer than you think

I can understand why you see it as your Mum's money, and therefore her gift to YOU in particular, but your husband works as a team with you provide a roof, comfort, and a decent life for your kid(s) and you...so certainly he deserves to share in your good fortune to some degree. I think I'd be miffed if I'd worked full time and shared my wage for 6 years to help raise my kid, but my other half wouldn't share her windfall.....

I suppose look at it this way: If you row and row and row about it till you end up getting divorced, he'll be entitled to half of your [STRIKE]Mum's [/STRIKE] money anyway....:o

barbiedoll

Spend what you're happy on for a newer car but make sure that you are both insured on it. Use the banger for practising before your test and for when you pass, you won't want to take the newer car out too much at first, especially if it is more powerful, you will end up scraping the wheel trims on the kerb or dinging bollards etc, we all do it!

The new car will be for both of you, he may well use it for work but when you pass your test, you will both be able to use it at weekends, for days out, holidays etc. Don't let your inheritance come between you, a new car will eventually benefit you both. After a year, you will feel much more confident about driving and if you're insured on the new car, he won't want to stop you using it, especially if he has been driving you around for the past few years.

If your current car is irrepairable, spend £600-900 on another banger and just spend a little less on his new car. £4000 will still get him a nice reliable runaround for work, have a look on the Motoring thread for tips on buying a car.

msb5262

Sky_of_Amethyst wrote: »

My husband and I have a joint bank account and have treated all income asjoint since our marriage 7 years ago. He has been the sole wage earner sincethe birth of our first son, 6 years ago. We have an old car that needsreplacing. Up until now it has been 'his' car as he is the driver. I amcurrently taking lessons in hopes that when I pass my test it will help me backinto employment that I can fit around our son's school hours. Last year my mumdied and left me around £10k in her will. This has been in an ISA and savingsaccount until now. I want to use some of it to buy a car, my husband wants tospend about £5k on a new (2nd hand) car that he will use to go to work andwants me to use the old banger that I really don’t like. He says he deservesthe new car after driving us around for the past few years. I feel like hewants to use my Mum's money to buy himself a car. He thinks I am being unreasonable.It’s causing huge rows. We do need a new car and soon as we have a holidayplanned and don’t think the banger will make the journey. Advice appreciated.

I'm just wondering how the OP's husband would express his side of this if he were to come onto the forum...

KME91

Why exactly do you not like the old banger? is it unsafe? unreliable? Too big/small? Or is it just that it's a bit rubbish looking and old? When I first passed my test I drove a cheap old car for a couple of years, just because it was cheap to insure, small and cheap on petrol, and easy to maintain (therefore cheaper to maintain) It also didn't matter if i put dents in it because it was a long way from perfect, and I did have a couple of scrapes in it, which would have cost a lot to repair if it had been a newer shiny car.

TBH if I were in your shoes I'd take the banger, let hubby buy the newer car, but make sure the new car is something you'll both be happy driving, and something that's a good investment for your family - a car that will last a few years, allow you to put plenty of safe reliable miles on it etc. I wouldn't see it as him buying himself a new car, but making a purchase for the family, which initially he is going to get the most use from. And then, when you pass your test, and hopefully find a job, you can use some of the extra money you'll be earning to replace the banger with something a bit nicer in a couple of years time perhaps, when you have some driving experience and no claims bonus to apply to your insurance.

For what it's worth, I learned to love my little old banger, it gave me my independence and took all the crap I threw at it, and made me very happy.

princeofpounds

In also in favour of compromising with him here. The guy has been an unpaid taxi driver for years (I say that as someone who 'uses' my own unpaid taxi driver!). To suddenly reserve the good car only for you is selfish. Not crazy-bad-person selfish, just inconsiderate.

I'd suggest something like he gets priority on the car during the week, you on weekend after you have been driving regularly for 3 months, or something like that.

littlerat

Crazy compromise. He spents say 3500-4000 on a newer car (should still get him something half decent for work and back), you spend £1000-£1500 + whatever the banger is worth/sells for on a half decent old car and get something that's decent enough to get you around in.

That way, you both win.

I am assuming here the banger is a £500 or less car.

Blackpool_Saver

littlerat wrote: »

Crazy compromise. He spents say 3500-4000 on a newer car (should still get him something half decent for work and back), you spend £1000-£1500 + whatever the banger is worth/sells for on a half decent old car and get something that's decent enough to get you around in.

That way, you both win.

I am assuming here the banger is a £500 or less car.

yes, compromise

Netwizard

I agree about a new driver not having anything too expensive. Like others have said, it will pick up the odd dent, and scratch or kerbed wheel when you misjudge a gap or parking space!

What car do you have currently and why does it need replacing? Sometimes its better the devil you know and if there is nothing really wrong with it apart from the fact its old, then learn to drive in that, and as someone else posted above, maybe spend a bit less than £5k on a new motor.

You can get some cracking cars for £2-£3k. No need to spend over that unless you want some newer digits on the numberplate

However, this is coming from someone that has a 16 year old (and very reliable) motor