Struggling :-(

securityguy

Jasminder wrote: »

I love him with all my heart, but would I be better cutting my losses now and finding someone who could be in a better financial situation.

One gets the impression that for women in their mid-30s, the market in available, financially stable, non-psychopathic men who also want to start trying for children almost immediately is, shall we say, somewhat constrained?

FatVonD

lostinrates wrote: »

Not so uncommon. I live about an hour and a half train journey outside London and many people daily commute. Once in their mainline station they have to get the tube connection they need, then the bit beaten him and train and tube and office.....

For us its a no brained its cheaper for DH to lodge in London (and a requirement of his employer he remains roughly within m25 mon to fri)

Yes, I know they do, I worked with someone who commuted from Brighton to London every day and Hastings seems to be proving very popular with commuters at the moment.

From the point of view of affording childcare and spending quality time with a child it would be better for the OP to reduce her commute!

lostinrates

FatVonD wrote: »

Yes, I know they do, I worked with someone who commuted from Brighton to London every day and Hastings seems to be proving very popular with commuters at the moment.

From the point of view of affording childcare and spending quality time with a child it would be better for the OP to reduce her commute!

Yes, it seems sensible to me too, to look at that option. Her SOa will be the key to seeing if doing that, raking a salary cut reducing horrific travelling costs could make it affordable for her.:).

Blackpool_Saver

Just do it, you will find a way

MEM62

Its easy for a guy to be blase about not having kids but its is a different issue for women. In my opinion (and it is only that) if you accept not having children now because you husband is not prepared to do what it takes (ie Sort your finances and get on with increasing his earning potential) then you will resent him for it in later years. But this won't be resolved if you are not honest with him - and you are not being so. You need to have a proper conversation with him, explain how important having a family is to you and give him a kick up the backside so he can man up and start getting his sh*t together. Be bold - sometimes that's just was us blokes need.

At that point, if he really isn't interested the you have a choice to make.

Good luck. I hope it all works out for you.

piglet74

Kitiara wrote: »

OK .. question for you ......

What would happen if you were to find out tomorrow you were pregnant, how would you cope then? While I don't advocate having children you really REALLY can't afford, if we all waited until we could afford children, there would be far fewer members of the human race.

i was just about to post this, if we all waited until we could afford to have babies...the human race would have died out,

good luck with it all,

silly_moo

Jasminder wrote: »

And without me working we wouldn't be able to pay the mortgage after 3 month stat maternity leave.

Statutory maternity pay is for 9 months not 3. You also accrue holidays while on maternity leave which you can use to extend your maternity leave.

GoldenShadow

What about OH being stay at home dad and working part time evenings/weekends? Not ideal but doable.

I work in retail part time whilst doing my degree and we have a range of people working in my store. One guy is basically a stay at home dad with his 2YO as his wife is the main breadwinner and had a better salary than he did, so logically it just made sense. He works mornings where grandparents can care for little 'un for a couple hours until he's done, evenings and weekends. Its not amazing but he manages to bring home a few hundred a month. They have a mortgage etc, don't rent. We live in the south east so its not overly cheap here either.

ETA: Just seen you work in London. If you really want kids can you not consider rearranging life so its cheaper ie. where you live and work? I don't know where you live ie. what house prices are like but I can't imagine a 4 hour commute is cheap.

sukysue

Have you thought about becoming full time foster parents am not joking. It would give you an income you would be at home and you could become pregnant then also look after your own children, think of how lovely it would be helping those kids !At least look outside the box this is only one idea I'm sure there are many others.

marisco_2

Jasminder wrote: »

The biggest problem is that we both want children.

So we came to the conclusion that we wouldn't have children and we would carry on as we are. But I am hurting and mourning the family I thought I would have but my husband thinks I should just accept this and get on with it.

A real post in contradiction over an extremely important matter in your relationship. You really need to talk openly with each other about whether you do or don't want to start a family at some future point. To carry on as you are and to not properly address this issue, could cause huge problems in your marriage further down the line.