Am I being selfish?

procrastination_over

arthur_dent wrote: »

Personally I gave up on my husband buying me anything or doing anything as a surprise. He is an extremely intelligent man it is just that most (not all) men lack the gene that allows you to organise anything that doesn't involve their occupation. Hubby loves me to pieces but I buy everything and arrange everything myself even down to my own mothers day and valentine pressies. What your husband is attempting to do is make you happy. Unfortunately he is obviously not too good at it and trying to ask how. He may well be doing it because he feels he has to, but the fact remains that he is doing it. You have every right to feel miffed but don't let it spoil what he is trying to do for you. I am sure he has your interests at heart in the end.

Thanks for that it makes a lot of sense. I think I will just not mention it again and see what happens and if anything does then be grateful.

arthur_dent_2

good idea:)

Christmasshopper

That's the trouble with men...they don't hear what you're not saying!

patchwork_cat

yes. I think that many women have exactly the same resposibility and are still waiting to be surprised.

He is merely asking your advice as someone who has done this sort of thing lots of times.

I once complained to my mum about my husband not taking the initiative and she said you wouldn't like it if he did, and if i am honest I am particular and things probably wouldn't be how I sould do them if he did. Take a look at yourself are you the same?

belfastgirl23

This isn't about a trip, it's about you wanting to feel looked after and loved in the way that you look after and love your DH. But I'm guessing that your DH is viewing this as just a job that needs done which is why he naturally asked the person who knows about this stuff (you!) about the website. I know in my own DHs case he would just flat out refuse to book it at all so you are a step up from there.

Maybe he has a different way of showing this caring but you don't always see or appreciate it because you take him for granted too?

Hope you enjoy the show.

procrastination_over

Awe thanks everyone...I really appreciate all points of view. I'm gonna try my best. I see myself as loyal, caring, supportive, fair etc wife but there is a shadow side to everyone I think and I think mine is being too critical. It sounds awful but it kind of comes naturally to me so before I know it I'm at it again :rolleyes: I must try harder!!

I suppose I have done things my way for so long when someone else does it its either not right or not the way I would do it etc.

scooper

yeah i agree its not just about the trip is it?its about feeling cared for,although he does care because they are still doing things and apart form that seem happy,but sometimes you want people to surprise you with things that show you care.seems to me he has got so used to you doing everything he feels he doesnt have to,because it probably gets done anyway.

he probably asked you for the website to sort of let you know that he is going to ''surprise'' you so before you start saying anything about going to see grease and hes telling you its in the bag already.

there are lots of lovely bloles out there , so its not about slagging men off for being selfish,but sometimes couples get into ruts that they wont not cant change,so he should make more of a effort
just so it pleases the other partner

let us know how you get on

scooper

yeah i agree its not just about the trip is it?its about feeling cared for,although he does care because they are still doing things and apart form that seem happy,but sometimes you want people to surprise you with things that show you care.seems to me he has got so used to you doing everything he feels he doesnt have to,because it probably gets done anyway.

he probably asked you for the website to sort of let you know that he is going to ''surprise'' you so before you start saying anything about going to see grease and hes telling you its in the bag already.

there are lots of lovely bloles out there , so its not about slagging men off for being selfish,but sometimes couples get into ruts that they wont not cant change,so he should make more of a effort
just so it pleases the other partner

let us know how you get on maybe show him this thread!!

oysterman

Some interesting replies here.

I organise nearly all our holidays/trips/days out etc, my wife lets me because i am better than her.

Now her forte is the little romantic things she does when she is shopping she sees something & thinks oh would love that. Me on the other hand never even think about things like that, just does not cross my mind when i am out.

The first/last time she surprised me was my fortieth birthday, i said i did not want anything special just us two, go out for a meal etc. We arranged to go to a thai restaurant had a lovely meal. very romantic & she then suggested going home for a early night. great i thought time we got home my ardour was definately rising. i went into the house & thought i would make things easy & as i walked into the lounge while undoing my trousers, switched on the light & there was about 40 family & friends cheering me. I nearly had a heart attack & my face was a bit red as well. Had a good night thou.

I hate surprises

shays_mum

I don't think your selfish at all!!, its nice to be thought of/surprised once in awhile. I'm in the same situation so i can understand. But look on the bright-side at least money-wise you don't have to hunt far for the best deals