Am I being selfish?

procrastination_over

I would like to know peoples views on this please. My husband, who I have been with for 18 years has never surprised me with anything, before you get the violins out I have a good life it is just that I organise absolutely everything from holidays to days to to eveings out so nights away in a hotel.
I once surprised him by taking him to the Maldives, I organised the trip, searched for the best price, checked reviews etc etc like the rest of do on here and also organised his time off from work all without him knowing or getting suspicious as I wanted it to be a complete surprise.

Anyway my point is I have been hinting that I would like to go and see Grease a the Theatre in London. I say it in a jokey manner to him as I always do when I would like him to arrange something because I know he never does I think he has good intentions he just forgets. He is very much you decide it, sort it and I'll agree and turn up.

Any today he has just said to me what sight do you go on to review hotels? So I said so obviously you are planning something and now you've had to involve me? Its bugged me.
Am I being selfish?

Aliss

Yes and no! I think we have a lot in common!

Some people are just like that, including my OH! I organise everything and when I hint at wanting to be surprised he looks at me in horror :rotfl: . Are you naturally very organised and good at doing stuff? If so, your friends/partner often end up worried they'll do things the wrong way or their efforts just won't be as amazing as yours so they think it's "easier"- as in more likely to please everyone, you included, if you take care of it yourself!

It was a bit insensitive of him to ask you to help if it's meant to be a surprise but it shows he really wants to get things right so you have a lovely time. If you help him this time round, he'll develop the confidence to do it on his own next time! Provided you love each other and he isn't blatantly selfish in other ways just let him off this time!

frivolous_fay

I tend to organise most holidays and so on, train travel recently (because I have the patience to shop around) I kind of accept that it's more my forte to do these things than his, although sometimes I coudl use a bit of cooperation and input.

That said, O/H did get brownie points one year when I asked 'shall we take a day off for Valentine's day?' and he replied 'I thought we could go to Paris for the weekend instead'

Ok, so that time it was totally last minute and we couldn't get flights and stayed up to the small hours arranging the eurostar and a hotel and we paid a small fortune, but I appreciated the thought!

Smashing

I wouldn't say selfish...hard to please perhaps?
He's trying - it's obviously his first time trying to organise something like this and he may well be concerned about screwing it up. I wouldn't say anything - it'll only lead to him thinking that he can't do anything right and make him less inclined to bother again.

tosca5

procrastination_over wrote: »

Any today he has just said to me what sight do you go on to review hotels? So I said so obviously you are planning something and now you've had to involve me? Its bugged me.
Am I being selfish?

If my other half asked what site do you go on to review hotels, i would have simply shown him and left him to it.
Any hotel he picked in any country would have been a surprise.
I don't see it as you being involved by simply directing him to a site.

tosca5

Smashing wrote: »

I wouldn't say selfish...hard to please perhaps?
He's trying - it's obviously his first time trying to organise something like this and he may well be concerned about screwing it up. I wouldn't say anything - it'll only lead to him thinking that he can't do anything right and make him less inclined to bother again.

I agree with this.
If it was the other way around i wouldn't bother trying again.

pinkshoes

procrastination_over wrote: »

Anyway my point is I have been hinting that I would like to go and see Grease a the Theatre in London. I say it in a jokey manner to him as I always do when I would like him to arrange something because I know he never does I think he has good intentions he just forgets. He is very much you decide it, sort it and I'll agree and turn up.Am I being selfish?

I would LOVE to go and see Grease in London, but never in a million years, not even for all the computer games in the whole world would my OH ever agree to go and watch a musical! :eek: In this case, you are very lucky to have a husband that will sit through 3 hours of singing and dancing!! :rotfl:

Maybe he thinks you're really good at organising stuff, and if he organises something, it wouldn't be as good as what you could do, so why not leave it to the pro...

Justie

there's the old addage of you can't change a person... what you can do is communicate clearly rather than dropping hints and then getting annoyed because it doesn't work out as it did in your head. If you want him to take you somewhere then you have to say 'I want to go and see Grease it'd be great if oyu could organise it for me'. If necessary with a list of hotel websites or preferred hotels. Men and women, in general, work differently if this is how your man works then you have to learn how to get the results you want and that's not by changing him it's by changing how you communicate with him. He's obviously trying, give him the credit for that at least.

kr15snw

Dont know worry, I know where your coming from. This year for my birthday I got a card from my OH and he said he would get me a present but hadnt had time to think about it, and wasnt sure what I wanted.

A month later after continuously showing him the sunglasses I wanted and getting no where I asked him if I should do it myself. He loved this idea and so I ordered the glasses using his credit card. Yeh I got what I wanted, but Id rather have a nice surprise I guess. In the past hes got me some great stuff, so he is capable of it.

ailuro2

Say what you mean and mean what you say and you will have more chance of being heard. You would know by now if your DH was psychic and could read your mind.;)

Sometimes when people are trying really hard and have never done something like organising a surprise- your DH is probably trying his damndest to impress you- sometimes it is better to pretend you don't know why he is asking you- and then be really wonderfully surprised when he shows you what he has come up with- he might not go ahead and book it all , but just surprise you with the idea for the surprise.hope that makes sense... Be suitably impressed i.e.'that's fantastic I love it go ahead and book it,darling!'-and he will have confidence in his abilities and try again.

If, on the other hand, you moan he can't do anything without asking you how, then he'll likely end up thinking 'she thinks she can do it better, so may as well let her'

Dumyat

I so know where you are coming from. I have been with my husband for 23 years and not once has he ever organised anything. I am not talking big stuff like holidays, I am talking even just going out for a meal.

I think what annoys me is not that he doesnt do that, but in my mind it's that he doesnt care enough for me to do something "nice". we have had endless chats about it over the years, and nothing is ever going to change.