Where is the love

loulou26

Thank you everyone for your kind words and advice.
We are going forward with the two week trial but I am going into it with my eyes wide open to what it could be

CH27

Is he willing to get a job at home or could you move to be with him if you do stay together?
Is he home for the two weeks are are going to try to salvage things?

loulou26

He will be home for all of it apart for one night. That was per booked in and cannot be changed

neverdespairgirl

Sorry to hear that OP - it sounds a horrible shock for you. Have you thought about Relate or similar?

I'm afraid that my cynical side also thinks that when a man says, "I don't love you any more" the bit he isn't adding is, "because I've got another option".

Kynthia

There's a real possibility there's someone else or he's had a fling or two, but you can't do anything if that is the case and need to act like it isn't for now. First thing I'd do is book in a couple of relate sessions so that you have proper communication that is led by someone professional and independent.

I like the comment above about showing yourself to be a beautiful and confident women who can handle this and won't fall apart. I'd suggest even going out a couple of nights without him so that he can see you having fun independent of him and even have the chance to sit in a miss you. The problem is he's been the one who's away and it's always the person at home who misses them, so don't always be home. Also I'd try to rekindle the old feelings by reminding yourselves of the good times. Could you look through photos of when you got together, go to restaurants or places you went to when dating, watch you wedding video, etc. Then also discuss the practicalities of separating as it might give him a shock and make him want to try to avoid it.

paulineb_2

loulou26 wrote: »

We are staying together and trying to rebuild the relationship together. After those two weeks if he still feels the same we will seperate.
People keep saying he must be seeing someone else and I have asked him. To be honest it would help me move on if there was someone in the background.
I don't think there is hope of a positive resolution at the moment

Id ask him to leave now, dont be in the same house while hes trying to work out if he still loves you. Its mental torture and Ive been there, not with someone I lived with but with someone who fell out of love with me and then took time to decide whether he did love me again.

He did, bully for him. He then left me a few months later, never gave me peace, wanted me back, I went back to him but it fell apart a few months later and then he was on the fringes of my life for a long time, as we had mutual friends, he never quite got over me or what he had done.

But being with someone who doesnt love you anymore, its horrible and if I had my time over again I would say, if you dont love me anymore, fair enough but just go and work out what you want from your life without me in it.

zzzLazyDaisy

loulou26 wrote: »

Thank you everyone for your kind words and advice.
We are going forward with the two week trial but I am going into it with my eyes wide open to what it could be

Good luck loulou. I know it's hard, but try to put your pain and hurt to one side for this two weeks and help him to remember the girl he fell in love with. If he leaves at the end of it, you will have plenty of time to grieve when he's gone.

Hugs

xxx

paulineb_2

loulou26 wrote: »

Thank you everyone for your kind words and advice.
We are going forward with the two week trial but I am going into it with my eyes wide open to what it could be

Its even a horrible phrase. Two week trial. You've been with this man for how long, ten years.

What are you going to do for this two weeks? How are you going to behave? You cannot make someone love you if they dont and believe me even if he works out at the end that he does love you and does want to be with you, it wont take away the fact that hes done this and you could end up feeling incredibly resentful.

He sounds selfish and incredibly immature and if he is set on the fact that he really doesnt love you anymore, let him exit your life and allow you to move on, either on your own or with someone else.

I have to be honest and say I cant see this working out for you in a positive way at all. I think you'd be better of working out your feelings and taking some proper time away from one another.

And yes, he could very well be seeing someone else or have someone else in mind.

mucklebones

paulineb wrote: »

Its even a horrible phrase. Two week trial. You've been with this man for how long, ten years.

Could not agree more, a trial after 10 years, even suggesting it would have been enough for me.

All or nothing in my opinion.

Good luck OP!