My ill child being ignored by her father, I am so angry.

MarilynMonroe_2

The least he could have done is ask how she is. x

valk_scot

Lala789 wrote: »

I know he didn't check up on her because my kids sleep with me in the bedroom.

You're still saying my kids, you know.

zzzLazyDaisy

When is he leaving? He sounds like an outsider in his own home, and while that is probably understandable given that you are going through a divorce, it is obviously making both you and him unhappy. Unhappy people don't always do things right. You come across as extremely judgemental of him - and yes you may have your own very good reasons for this, I am not disputing that - but the fact remains that most people just don't function well in that sort of atmosphere. You are making it very clear that in your eyes he is not a good enough parent for your children. Both he, and your children, will be receiving that message loud and clear.

Lagoon

zzzLazyDaisy wrote: »

When is he leaving? He sounds like an outsider in his own home, and while that is probably understandable given that you are going through a divorce, it is obviously making both you and him unhappy. Unhappy people don't always do things right. You come across as extremely judgemental of him - and yes you may have your own very good reasons for this, I am not disputing that - but the fact remains that most people just don't function well in that sort of atmosphere. You are making it very clear that in your eyes he is not a good enough parent for your children. Both he, and your children, will be receiving that message loud and clear.

I agree with this. It's the chickenpox, not something life-threatening. There's nothing he can do about it.

I'm reading this as a situation where a mother has fallen out with her husband, and they're in quite an immature and bitter stage. You're passively fighting him, and you're doing that by implying that he's not a good father and by finding passive-aggressive ways to make that clear, such as sharing a room with your children which I'm sure hasn't always been the case.

I get that he might not have been an particularly involved father in the past, but if I were him and you were using the children as a 'pawn' to fight him then I'd be avoiding arguments by not getting involved now. It sounds like you're pushing him further away from the children so that you can use that as fuel to make yourself angrier, in order to make yourself feel better about the divorce. If you can get to the point where you've convinced yourself he's a terrible person, then you can blame him and believe that you're the victim of this relationship going wrong. The reality is that you're two people that clearly loved each other, possibly still have some feelings for each other somewhere, and are working on hating each other before he moves out. The kids are irrelevant - they're just something you can get angry about, and are the most effective 'tools' because they're living, feeling human beings.

Lala789

fluffnutter wrote: »

You can't have it both ways; shut out their father by banging on about your kids and even sleeping with them whilst he has a lonely night on the sofa then moan that he's not engaged enough with them. I'm not surprised - sounds like he doesn't get a look in, frankly.

Hi, thanks for your answer. He chose not sleep with me or the children when I was pregnant with my first child. I never understood why and thought he just needed his space. I spent countless nights crying because how lonely I felt. I talked to him about this and he just came up with different excuses. It turns out the reason why he would not sleep in the same bed or room with us is that he has been seeing other women for all that time!

Lala789

zzzLazyDaisy wrote: »

You come across as extremely judgemental of him, Both he, and your children, will be receiving that message loud and clear.

Yes, I am do think he is a very bad, useless parent. He has been physically violent in front of the children, making the older one (who is old enough to understand) cry and does not care. He never plays with the children, has never done homework with them, hardly ever speaks with them and has even threatened that if I tell his family about his behaviour he is going to disown the children. He has a daughter from a previous relationship who is a teenager now and because of how little he cares, she does not even want to see him because of how upset he makes her. So yes, I do make him know what I think of him. When we argued about him not being at home with the children, he told me if I didn't like that, I could f**ck off or go and kill myself. Would any good/normal parent behave like that? Ok, he can hate me but he should still care about the chilren no matter what.

Lala789

Lagoon wrote: »

It sounds like you're pushing him further away from the children so that you can use that as fuel to make yourself angrier.

Well, the first few years, I BEGGED him to be involved with the chilren and tried my best to involve him, tell him how well he was doing as a parent (even though it was a lie), I tried to motivate him. Then I gave up. As somebody said here before, I cannot make him be interested in our children. It used to break my heart and felt so sad for them and for me (and for him as well) but now I just feel that HE made this choice and the result is that the older daughter is already trying to spend as little time with him as she wants. And that is without me putting things into her head.

And yes, I am angry to chose a father like this for my wonderful children. He prefers his freedom to us and tells me to **** off. So I am, together with the children and I do hope he eventually realizes what he has been missing out on and tries to have a relationship with the. If not, again, that will be his choice.

Funky_Bold_Ribena

Lala789 wrote: »

And yes, I am angry to chose a father like this for my wonderful children. He prefers his freedom to us and tells me to **** off. So I am, together with the children and I do hope he eventually realizes what he has been missing out on and tries to have a relationship with the. If not, again, that will be his choice.

Why on earth did you have not one but 2 children with this man if you already knew he was a bad dad to his first child?

zzzLazyDaisy

Clearly you cannot carry on like this. It is not good for you, him, or the children.

What are you going to do about it?

ValHaller

Just added 2 words to try and capture the logic you are expressing

Lala789 wrote: »

And yes, I am angry to chose a father like this for my wonderful children.

Cause: He prefers his freedom to us and tells me to **** off.

Effect: So I am, together with the children and I do hope he eventually realizes what he has been missing out on and tries to have a relationship with the. If not, again, that will be his choice.

But the story looks completely different if you swap the sentences behind the headings 'cause' and 'effect'.

I am thinking that between you you have established a vicious circle of cause and effect.

If you continue as you are, it will be more of the same. And if that is what you want, then fine, accept it,

But if you don't want more of the same, you have to do something different.