If I get married - do I have to adopt my own son?

Mossop93

Apologies if this is in the wrong place.

Sorry if this sounds silly but I can't find anything online (could be that I'm googling the wrong thing haha) and what to know how true this is.

Basically I had a baby, he has my surname and his father isn't on the birth certificate. He has no contact with him (his choice). I was told by a couple of people including my old health visitor that if I were to get married in the future and take my husbands name I'd have to adopt my own son.

My old health visitor was a bit two faced and was always saying one thing to me and another in front of witnesses and would play up the fact I've got mental health issues saying I don't listen/understand her etc.

At one point even telling me that my son should go up for adoption (and asked why I didn't abort him!) Because people with mental health issues shouldn't have kids! (Not saying I agree, but would be different if I say had a multiple personality disorder! But I don't!) And then denied it when I mentioned it.

Yes I made a complaint and its been dealt with BUT I totally forgot until now one of the things she said.

Short version of question starts here!

She told me that if I were to get married in the future and take my husbands name, I'd have to adopt my son. And that I may not pass criteria and he'd go into care.

The second bit sounds a bit far fetched to me, but the whole thing has worried me a little as I'd like to get married one day.

Is any of this true? And could anyone kindly link me to more information about this?

duchy

No it is NOT true

You can call yourself by any name you like -it makes no difference to your parental responsibilities.

If you marry - nothing changes whether you choose to continue using Miss Mossup or use Mrs Smith as your chosen name.

If your husband wants to adopt your son -it gets a little more complicated. The law used to say the mother had to give up her rights as a birth mother and both halves of the couple had to go for joint adoption but my understanding is that is no longer the case.

So stop worrying about your rather odd ex health visitor. She's barking !

shegirl

No it's not true hun and that health visitor needs a good old slap!

wifeforlife

It's not true, this is the same as my situation.

My daughter has taken my husbands name even though he is not her biological father, this is incredibly simple. In NI I went to my local council office, got an application, a solicitor signed it and returned it, cost £58, my daughter and husband are delighted.

If he wanted to be on her birth certificate, then we as a couple would have to adopt her, this costs thousands. Instead we are applying for my husband to have parental responsibility through a court. The part of her birth cert where her bio dad should have been will remain blank.

flutterby_lil

Hello, wow what a crazy lady!

My OH recently adopted my son (took 3 years to get there, finally). I have not had to adopt him and am still his birth mother, not adoptive mother. I am so glad my OH wanted to adopt my son, the judge at court was lovely and said it was the best thing for him good luck.

flutterby_lil

cathy2702 wrote: »

If he wanted to be on her birth certificate, then we as a couple would have to adopt her, this costs thousands. Instead we are applying for my husband to have parental responsibility through a court. The part of her birth cert where her bio dad should have been will remain blank.

Why does it cost thousands? My partner has just adopted my son, hasn't cost anything apart from the court fee. My son now has a new birth certificate showing me as mother and my OH as father.

wifeforlife

flutterby_lil wrote: »

Why does it cost thousands? My partner has just adopted my son, hasn't cost anything apart from the court fee. My son now has a new birthe certificate showing me as mother and my OH as father.

I don't know why. We have spoken with two different solicitors and both quoted £3500 to go through the process, this was only in April this year. This is why we're going down the parental responsibility route instead

flutterby_lil

cathy2702 wrote: »

I don't know why. We have spoken with two different solicitors and both quoted £3500 to go through the process, this was only in April this year. This is why we're going down the parental responsibility route instead

Go through your local council, we didn't need a solicitor. We applied to Lancashire County Council almost 3 years ago now, they were very busy and were contracting the "non urgent" adoption cases out such as partner adoptions/step adoptions to a company called adoption matters. The social worker was amazing, visited my family, my OH's family, me, my OH and son together and separately, then filled the books out, applied to court, got a direction hearing, a court date and hey preston he now "belongs" to both of us. The only cost was the lodging at court fee.

Voyager2002

cathy2702 wrote: »

I don't know why. We have spoken with two different solicitors and both quoted £3500 to go through the process, this was only in April this year. This is why we're going down the parental responsibility route instead

Sounds as if the lawyers were trying to rip you off! Seriously, the process whereby the partner of a child's biological parent adopts that child is really simple: ask your local council (children's and young people's services) for a leaflet on step parent adoption and do what it says). I adopted my wife's daughter and the legal stuff was just a question of filling in forms, so no need for a solicitor. Yes: it was necessary for a social worker and then someone from CAFCASS to interview us and I had to write a few letters to answer their questions, but none of it was complicated.

Mossop93

Wow, quick replies.

Thank you so much. As I said it sounded far fetched but made me worry.

I'm not sure I'd have the OH adopt him, not until he's much older at least. Mostly because his father has valid reasons for not wanting contact. I still think he's a twoddle for it, but I don't want to do anything to risk my son thinking I pushed his father out his life I guess.

I think that spurs for my own childhood though.

Thank you so much for helping me stop stressing. I've had one of those days today where you feel a bit like the whole world is against you.

And yes, quite tempted to give her a slap. I admit to being a bit childish and calling her a liar in front of witnesses lol. So wanted to say/do more but knew it would only bite me on the bum.

shegirl

Mossop93 wrote: »

Wow, quick replies.

Thank you so much. As I said it sounded far fetched but made me worry.

I'm not sure I'd have the OH adopt him, not until he's much older at least. Mostly because his father has valid reasons for not wanting contact. I still think he's a twoddle for it, but I don't want to do anything to risk my son thinking I pushed his father out his life I guess.

I think that spurs for my own childhood though.

Thank you so much for helping me stop stressing. I've had one of those days today where you feel a bit like the whole world is against you.

And yes, quite tempted to give her a slap. I admit to being a bit childish and calling her a liar in front of witnesses lol. So wanted to say/do more but knew it would only bite me on the bum.

What on earth could ever be a valid reason for not wanting contact with your own child?