I finally did it

BitterAndTwisted

dontknowwhattodo2 wrote: »

If I leave, what are my rights? I know I have to keep paying half of the mortgage, I get that, but what about costs relating to the house? Do I have to provide money every month to help the running of the house?

No, of course you don't have to pay anything towards the running-costs of the house! If you move out you'll have your own CTax and bills to pay. Just ensure that any bills which are currently in your name or in joint-names get transferred solely to your OH.

My own feeling is that if they are finding it impossible to live with you any longer then they should be the one to go.

dontknowwhattodo2

OH's argument is that I can still move in with my parents, no matter how much I don't want to. OH has nowhere to go and their relatives don't have spare rooms etc.

Much as I would prefer to be the one who stays, I think I'll have to go. I wanted us to be friends and to get on. Clearly OH has other ideas on the matter. They have said however, that they will not get a lodger and if the house gets repossessed, it gets repossessed so I do believe they're just trying to stick the knife in.

I will be speaking to the mortgage company, see if we can do split payments

Claree__x

The repossession threat sounds worrying imo. I would make sure that they (you put gender in your last post btw, might want to edit) are still intending to at least pay their half of the mortgage.

Would it be managable for you to pay your half and rent somewhere else? If not I'd still be very reluctant to move without them buying you out or getting in a lodger - it's not just their decision. It's just not fair for you to move out but still pay as if you were living there.

suze200

[QUOTE
I will be speaking to the mortgage company, see if we can do split payments[/QUOTE]

Split payments wont help if your OH doesn't pay their half. You yourself would still have to make up the arrears or the house will get repossessed.

dontknowwhattodo2

Claree__x wrote: »

The repossession threat sounds worrying imo. I would make sure that they (you put gender in your last post btw, might want to edit) are still intending to at least pay their half of the mortgage.

Would it be managable for you to pay your half and rent somewhere else? If not I'd still be very reluctant to move without them buying you out or getting in a lodger - it's not just their decision. It's just not fair for you to move out but still pay as if you were living there.

Nah, I can't afford to get a place right now. I'd have to be moving back in with my parents. I'd probably have to be back with them for close to a year before I can get enough behind me to get somewhere of my own. possibly longer. Trust me, I don't want to move out, but (and this is one of the problems in the marriage), OH's will is unbendable. They can't be reasoned with when an idea is in their head. It's just too hard

thanks for the heads up too, edited.

bagginslover

dontknowwhattodo2 wrote: »

Nah, I can't afford to get a place right now. I'd have to be moving back in with my parents. I'd probably have to be back with them for close to a year before I can get enough behind me to get somewhere of my own. possibly longer. Trust me, I don't want to move out, but (and this is one of the problems in the marriage), OH's will is unbendable. They can't be reasoned with when an idea is in their head. It's just too hard

thanks for the heads up too, edited.

Then perhaps its time for you to toughen up and be the same. Don't give in. You sound like a nice person from what I've read, they must be mad being so difficult as to lose you! But, being nice often gets you no-where, so stick to your guns, and don't leave.

BitterAndTwisted

The lender will not be interest in "split-payments" for a joint-mortgage. Of that you can be quite certain. If you think there is any danger whatsoever that the ex-OH won't pay their half of the mortgage once you've moved out DO NOT MOVE!

Sitting tight when both of you want to be elsewhere but can't is a whole heap less dangerous than moving out and finding the mortgage isn't being paid in full once you've gone.

Just because they don't have family to move in with does not make it a foregone conclusion that you have to be the one who does. Do not be bullied into it by empty threats of injunctions or any other blackmailing carp

ViolaLass

It's your prerogative but why the insistence on a genderless OH? Are you trying to avoid perceived bias in responses in this thread?

dontknowwhattodo2

ViolaLass wrote: »

It's your prerogative but why the insistence on a genderless OH? Are you trying to avoid perceived bias in responses in this thread?

Kinda.

My ex reads this forum and I'm sure if they read this thread they would know it's about us, I'd rather keep it neutral.

In the other thread I was being gender neutral too and it's amazing how many people instantly jumped to a conclusion about my gender.

I know people are probably smarter than to be biased on this forum, but I just want unbiased advice, regardless.

ViolaLass

dontknowwhattodo2 wrote: »

Kinda.

My ex reads this forum and I'm sure if they read this thread they would know it's about us, I'd rather keep it neutral.

In the other thread I was being gender neutral too and it's amazing how many people instantly jumped to a conclusion about my gender.

I know people are probably smarter than to be biased on this forum, but I just want unbiased advice, regardless.

Fair enough. It makes for interesting reading from a psychological point of view. In my head, I 'know' what gender you and your partner are, which has got me thinking about what that says about me.