I finally did it

dontknowwhattodo2

Hi all

I posted a thread a little while ago saying that I was unhappy with my OH and didn't know what to do.

The (brief) backstory is that we got married young, got into a metric f-ton of debt and have been on a slow, gradual descent into mediocrity and unhappiness. I realised a little while ago that while I cared for OH immensely, I wasn't in love any more.

Last week I finally lost my patience and ended the relationship.

OH has been consistently in bits, alternating between crying, yelling, screaming and threats of suicide.

Now OH is calming down and while they're still sad, the moods have settled and I think the situation is sinking in.

The problem is now, because of our reckless spending in the past and the fact that we've only owned our home for less than 2 years, we're in an awful situation where we have to live together for the next few years.

Neither of us can afford to run the house alone and service the debt, though without the debt, we could both afford to run the house on our own.

I moved into the spare room at the weekend and we're each sleeping alone. How on earth am I supposed to get through the next couple of years? having to see OH every day? I can't move on with my life and meet someone else while I'm stuck in a house with my ex.

Any advice would be appreciated

onetomany

is your name on morgage?

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow

Can one of you buy the other one out?

Why will it be ok to sell it in 2 years time if it's not OK to sell it now? I don't understand.

dontknowwhattodo2

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow wrote: »

Can one of you buy the other one out?

Why will it be ok to sell it in 2 years time if it's not OK to sell it now? I don't understand.

My name is on the mortgage

We're in negative equity on the house, so we need to build up some equity before we can sell. OH can't get the mortgage transferred to their name, they don't earn enough. I haven't spoken to the mortgage lender myself yet. I need to speak to them soon.

Bangton

What sort of debt do you have OP? Credit cards? Loans? Overdrafts? All of that? (Don't worry I'm not judging - I have had in the past too!)

dontknowwhattodo2

Bangton wrote: »

What sort of debt do you have OP? Credit cards? Loans? Overdrafts? All of that? (Don't worry I'm not judging - I have had in the past too!)

I have a loan and a CC, OH has a smaller loan and a couple of cards.

We have about 25k between us (yeah, my loan is STUPID)

ognum

Could one of you take a lodger in the spare room and the other move out into rented.

dontknowwhattodo2

ognum wrote: »

Could one of you take a lodger in the spare room and the other move out into rented.

Unfortunately, OH is stubborn. They won't move out to rented and let me get a lodger and my debt is too much per month to move out. I've already thought of that

Primrose

There are probably quite a few couples like you who are breaking up but their financial situation is forcing them to live under the same roof until debts are reduced or they can afford to physically split.

It's a difficult situation but you may simply have to make the best of it, sit down calmly and agree some fair rules of engagement for living separately under the same roof. . As neither of you can afford to move on until your finances improve, it is in both your interests to have a plan of campaign to reduce your debts. You are asking how on earth you can move on and hope to meet somebody else under these conditions. I suspect the straightforward answer is that at the moment you can't because you are not in an emotional or financial state to do so. So use this time "in quarantine" to try and sort yourself out mentally and work with your partner as conscientiously as you can to clear your debts as quickly as possible. If you can work together amicably on this project it will put both of you in a better situation to start afresh with a clear conscience.

CH27

You need to change your mindset from couple to housemates.

Sort out the bill splits & stick to it.
Negotiate bathroom & kitchen use times. Don't touch his stuff.

Don't nag him, just be polite & distant.

princeofpounds

Are you both on the title of the house? If it's just you on the mortgage is it not just you that owns the house?