I cannot do this anymore - anyone can offer advice or kind word?

pigpen

I think social services see so many malicious calls from venomous spiteful partners they can spot them a mile off .. while they have a duty to check things out so long as you remain truthful and show a true representation of your parenting you have nothing to be worried about. I had this when my childrens dad got his gf to ring SS and my story was backed up by the nurse and consultants my children are under at the hospital and by staff at school.. SS now have a log that he has made a malicious referral which will be a negative towards him should he try anything in future.

A lot of your story is very similar to mine before he left.. it is a horrible place to be but it is one you will not regret escaping from! The sooner you get the children out of there the less damage is done.

marisco_2

Lala reading your first post sent a chill down my spine because there were so many similarities in it to the life that I was living just seven years ago. You are in an emotionally abusive relationship and despite all your best efforts your young children are being exposed to this destructive way of life too. It must be heart breaking for you but you are not trapped and you can find a way forward. The advice given to contact Women's Aid is really sound, their advisors are trained to help people in your situation.

Your husband is showing signs of trying to tighten his abusive grip on you, by threatening to record your behaviour and report you to social services. He is arrogant and manipulative enough to think that he can control you by scaring you. His refusal to move out is linked to a desire to maintain power and control also. He knows full well that once you have some space and time to yourself, there is a good chance you would see the situation you are in for exactly what it is and not want him back. I don't think he realises just how astute you are and that you already fully understand the awful predicament you are in.

I don't want to scare you but to not spell this out would be irresponsible of me. Abuse always escalates. There is a good chance that yourself and your children will experience physical abuse at some point if you stay in this relationship. I got to the stage where the police were advising me I was at their highest level of risk and if I didn't leave my ex it would only end one way. Please do not allow yourself to ever be in that position. Take steps to ensure the safety of yourself and your children.

It wont make for easy reading but I suggest you google the terms narcissist and gaslighting.

Rottensocks

marisco wrote: »

Your husband is showing signs of trying to tighten his abusive grip on you, by threatening to record your behaviour and report you to social services. .

Yep, and to be honest, if he keeps ringing the police about you saying something to the kids, or about a row, or whatever else, the police record will reflect worse on him than upon you: he will look like he's crackers!

Lala789

Rottensocks wrote: »

Yep, and to be honest, if he keeps ringing the police about you saying something to the kids, or about a row, or whatever else, the police record will reflect worse on him than upon you: he will look like he's crackers!

The problem here is that when we row and I say to him he is a useless parent, he tells the police I threatened him with violence and abusive language. Last time, he pushed me and I crashed into the doorframe which was witnessed by my daughter. I rang the police and when they came, he said to them that I pushed him! My daughter kept asking: Mummy, why is Daddy lying to the police?

Protecting myself and my kids from a nutter whose mission is to destroy me takes all my energy. It is very hard. Thanks for your thoughts. x

ecgirl07

Lala789 wrote: »

The problem here is that when we row and I say to him he is a useless parent, he tells the police I threatened him with violence and abusive language. Last time, he pushed me and I crashed into the doorframe which was witnessed by my daughter. I rang the police and when they came, he said to them that I pushed him! My daughter kept asking: Mummy, why is Daddy lying to the police?

Protecting myself and my kids from a nutter whose mission is to destroy me takes all my energy. It is very hard. Thanks for your thoughts. x

do you have family you can move out to be with? if you work part time you would get lha it must be worth keeping at it to find a landlord who will take you. sounds like you and the kids need out the house asap. good luck.

spiritsfree

Lala...can YOU record these events as a back up for yourself and proof of his hateful behavior ?? Ultimately, for your own safety, that of your children, and for your sanity, you do need to put distance between you and this excuse for a man !! Time to think of only yourself and the children. You WILL survive and grow stronger as a person once you act.....(Hugs)

tayforth

Lala789 wrote: »

Thank you Tayforth, I feel so ashamed to go to CAB because I should be able to get out of this mess by myself since I have allowed for this to happen/carry on for so long.

My children are well loved by myself, my family and my friends and I am so scared he is going to get Social Services involved. He is a pathological lier, even invented a fictional name he gives to people who are not close to him and he has threaten he will "tell the Social Services and the police the whole story". Basically, he is going to make things up and lie and it really scares me. He has called me and the mothers of his other kids parnoid, crazy, evil and the rest. How do I fight lies when I was brought up in an honest family and my friends are the same as me?

Do go to the CAB, there is no shame in seeking help xx

Lala789 wrote: »

The problem here is that when we row and I say to him he is a useless parent, he tells the police I threatened him with violence and abusive language. Last time, he pushed me and I crashed into the doorframe which was witnessed by my daughter. I rang the police and when they came, he said to them that I pushed him! My daughter kept asking: Mummy, why is Daddy lying to the police?

Protecting myself and my kids from a nutter whose mission is to destroy me takes all my energy. It is very hard. Thanks for your thoughts. x

:eek:

I agree with the others - you need to get away from this man and fast. Check out what help you'd be entitled to, I'm sure that you'll be able to afford it. In the meantime,is there anywhere you can go?

How old is your daughter?

sukysue

LALA How are things with you today my dear ? I hope you are alright. Even if you are not strong enough to do anything about it at the moment you will in the end, good luck and take care. I hope just by telling us on here it has helped to clear your mind.

Lala789

sukysue wrote: »

LALA How are things with you today my dear ? I hope you are alright. Even if you are not strong enough to do anything about it at the moment you will in the end, good luck and take care. I hope just by telling us on here it has helped to clear your mind.

Sukysue, THANK YOU for caring about how I, a complete stranger, am today.:)

I am making a list of things I want to discuss with the Women's Aid and yesterday had a bit of progress with the divorce process. Yesterday I had an argument with him and he would not let me take my daughter to school. He normally takes her on Mondays but my daughter who witnessed the argument said she would not go with him and wanted me to take her. He got angry with the situation and took her car seat from my car so that she would have to go with him! She cried and hid behind me and refused to go with him. He said she is not going if he cannot take her to which I replied ok, that is fine with us. After about 10 minutes he gave up and returned the car seat. My daughet never wanted him to pick her up and other parents comented on how she does not hold his hand, frowns and walks in front of him because she is the complete opposite with me, always smiling and affectionate. My daughter asked me to always pick her up and drop her off. Very sad.

With the progress in the divorce, when he finds out, he is going to be more difficult then now so I need to at least tell somebody about his lies and false accusations in case he goes ahead and fabricates a story about me...

But after receiving so much good advice here on the forum, I feel much better and my head is less muddled. Thanks everyone! x

Lala789

Lala789 wrote: »

other parents comented

Sorry about the typo, I meant commented.