I cannot do this anymore - anyone can offer advice or kind word?

Lala789

Hello, I have been reading this forum for a while and decided to post myself after seeing how much good advice others can get here...

I am going through a very acrymonyous divorce and now all this has started to affect my small children, which I feel so guilty and upset about.

I put up with my husband's bullying ways and abuse for years but now have had enough because it is unbearable. He stopped being physically violent because of me reporting him to the police but the emotional abuse has got much worse and the children are caught up in the middle. He does not do anythingh with them, does not take them out, has never done homework with them, has not been on holidays with them, does not even tell them where he is going or when he is back. Sometimes, they ask him something only to find out he has gone out without even telling anyone bye. When they are opening their Christmas presents, he is lying on the sofa plaing games on his PC, completely ignoring them.

I have asked him many times to move out of the family home (he has his own flat nearby), but he refuses. He even refuses to discuss anything. He spends a couple of nights a week at home and a couple of hours at the weekend. He does not play with the kids, when they bring something to show him, he does not look and carries on what he is doing. He does not want to help me with anything as as I do not have any family around and also work, life is incredibly stressed. To add to all this, he has been sleeping with other women even before our first child was born, which I have only recently find out about and has children elsewhere.

He takes the kids to school once a week because I work but because he goes to sleep at 3 or 4 in the morning (I do not know where he is), he is so tired in the morning that the kids are late for school and do not have enough time to even eat their breakfast.

I have not been able to hold the anger in for long so have told the kids a few times he is a bad parent and that daddies do not behave like this. I know it is wrong but the stress is too much.

He now calls the police on me for anything - i.e. I say to him he is a bad parent, I want to tidy up when he wants to sleep on the sofa. He says he is recording everything on his phone and is going to involve the social services because I am trying to turn our kids agains him. How can I live with this mad man who is making our lives hell and will not move out?

Sorry about the long post, I am just so tired of all this and want to protect my kids but don't know what more I can do...x

RAS

HAve you spoken to Women's Aid?

Is the house owned (mortgaged)? or rented?

Whose names are on the deeds? or rental agreement?

Gigglepig

Go get legal advice. If you have already reported him for violence it should not be that hard to get an occupation order so he can't return to the house? In the unlikely event that you can't force him to move, you can make arrangements to leave.

In terms of practical advice, Get together all the important papers like passports, birth certs, financial papers, store them at your parents house or somewhere else safe like a bank box. Women's aid is a great idea. There are also many threads on here with practical advice and stories of how people get by step by step.

You don't need to put up with it any longer if you don't want to.
Mediation/counselling may help communication regarding access and childcare during access.

tea_lover

Have you spoken to Womens Aid? They might be able to help give you some suggestions as to what to do next.

dragonette

*hugs* I don't have much practical advice I'm afraid, but lots of posters will be able to give you pointers and ideas. Please don't be too hard on yourself; you are trying to do the best for your children and you will be able to get this sorted.

Don't worry too much about him phoning the police, its him it will count against in the long run. Keep your chin up hon

Lala789

The house is rented. I have tried to look for somewhere else to live but nobody wants to rent me a house/flat because I work part-time and have two small children. And I am not eligible for social housing.

Also, the flat is his and in his name. I have thought about moving there but the flat above has been rented out as social housing and for years (when we lived there) it was a nightmare because of the noise, drugs and several flat flooding.

I haven't spoken to women's aid. The abuse is not physical so I don't know if their services would apply to me...

tiernsee

A lot of abuse is emotional rather than physical and Women's Aid are most definitely there for this. Please get in touch with them asap and get yourself some sound advice and help. Wishing you all the best, sounds horrendous.

dragonette

Women's Aid applies to you. Call them

pigpen

Yes their services apply to you!! Get on that phone!!

He sounds unpredictable and a very volatile place for you all to be.

((hugs))

Pixiechic

Is your name on the rental agreement?

sukysue

Ronaldo_Mconaldo wrote: »

Just out of interest, at what point in your life with this man did you decide that it would be a good idea to throw some kids into your lives. What were you thinking?

That's not being very helpful as you well know RM but that is you all over.

OP a friend has been experiencing emotional abuse from her oh
she phoned domestic abuse and they are going to help her get rehoused . HTH hang on in there my dear .