Best way forward ?

marisco_2

Robinson_Crusoe wrote: »

Have just been reading through my replies and I do sound like a pathetic person who just makes excuses.

I don't think most people if any, would view you in that light at all going by your responses on this thread. Despite suffering from depression, which is recognised as a condition that leaves a person feeling unable to open up and express themselves, you have managed to do just that in a very honest way. You are not making excuses, just explaining where you are at and how you view things.

That you can see that you would enjoy participating in many activities, if you can overcome the initial fear of going out and trying them, also indicates that you are astute and aware of what would do you good.

None of this goes to show you up as being pathetic at all. You come across to me as a cautious individual, trying his best to alleviate his worries and concerns so as he can find a way to approach life, that will bring him happiness and a sense of emotional security.

kelpie35

Hi have you tried any meetup groups in your area? Or there might be a ramblers club as you enjoy walking.

I know in my area there is a lot of men attending these groups and it has led to them having great social times.

Hope you manage to find something that will make you content and happy.

Robinson_Crusoe_2

Hi all

Sorry to bump an old thread but I promised to update with any news. It still seems like a blur, but 3 major things have happened in my life since I posted.

First and foremost - I have come to realise that friends take all forms, and, without the support of every single person who responded to the thread as well as through IM's, I don't think I would be where I am now. So, an absolutely massive thank you to each and every one of you... :beer: :T

Secondly, I plucked up the courage to sit on a motorbike after a very, very long time. I booked a refresher course (as I already have a full UK bike license) and thoroughly enjoyed it. So much so, that I bought a bike. Am still taking slow steps and have only rode her once which was to get her home from the private seller's house. But, I will get out when the weather is good and the roads dry. I am secretly hoping that this may lead to a few more social situations like a cup of tea in a cafe somewhere with other bikers.

Finally, and by no means least, I am dating. :eek:

I am still a little shell shocked by this myself, and am taking things slowly. Thankfully, she is extremely understanding and so wonderful that she makes me feel so at ease. Don't want to say much more in case I jinx it (I know, I know....) but, so far, so good.

But, once more, thank you all you fantastic people. Please be very proud of yourselves and know that you did make a difference and helped a total stranger.

:T:T:T

pukkamum

I too suffer from anxiety about meeting people, even people I know!
As a stay at home mum with a toddler and 2 at school I have had to force myself to deal with these situations, I still feel sick walking into the school gates knowing I might have to talk to other mums, going to playgroups is even worse, even after being a mum for 12 years I cannot go to one where I know nobody, so I don't, I place importance on situations, if I can aviod them I do.
However, there are times when I have no choice and I am gradually getting better at dealing with it.
People who know me would never believe that the night before a simple coffee morning I don't sleep, that for an hour before I am crippled with stomach pains and diarrhoea, sweating and on the verge of passing out.
I put on my game face, I think ahead of time of interesting news stories or films, t.v or booksi can talk about but on the whole I am the listener, I have found that everybody likes to talk about themselves and a few careful questions about family, work and interests can get a person talking long enough for me to feel comfortable.
This has led to me being a kind of agony aunt but I prefer that.
DDon't get me wrong it is still hard and I have 2 very old friends that have been trying to arrange a meeting that I keep putting off.
A few weeks ago a women who l looked after when nannying wanted to come over, I cannot tell you how many times I picked up my phone to cancel but I was determined to overcome my fear and had the most wonderful time.
I now ask myself whats the worst that can happen, I will be ignored, I will feel stupid, well none of those things will kill me and is yet to happen.
Yes I've come across people I don't get on with or I have nothing in common with but I just accept that and move on.
Good luck it can be done with a lot of bravery, a good few deep breaths, a few bits of small talk subjects under your belt and bachs rescue remedy, for me a god send.

pukkamum

Sorry didn't read the uodate didn't realise it was an old thread, well done things sound good.

DKLS

Have you considered dancing classes?, I go to a local tango class with my wife, there is often more women than men. For us its more fun than the gym, much cheaper and the social side is great. I honestly wish I had discovered it when I was a shy teenager but I was one of those dont dance kids.

You get to dance with all the women, as long as you:
have mints, deodorant, and your hand doesnt wander under the bra line you would be made most welcome.

I have seen a number of relationships form at the classes and if you can lead a lady around a dance floor you will find yourself becoming very attractive to the opposite sex, as they say Argentine tango is a vertical expression of a horizontal desire.

rebeccatom

I know exactly how you feel, I am a serial no-show'er. I am really trying to work on going out socially so force myself to say yes to everything when invited (haven't quite go to the place where i invite others, lack of confidence). But then when it comes to the actual time of the event I panic and don't go.

I have been working through it with my CBT person, I don't know if you have had any therapy but I find it helps.

Now when my head is telling me not to go, i have to tell myself i need to go to help my depression. It is like taking medication, it is a tool to help my depression. It takes a lot of effort, but when i do managed i feel proud of myself just for getting out of the house.

I think what the others have said about making friends first and if anything extra comes from that then great.

Good luck, I wish the best for you.

marisco_2

It is so nice to get a positive update on a thread. Really good to hear that life is going so well for you. That is down to your own strength and resilience as much as anyone's advice helping you. Be proud of yourself primarily :T