Best way forward ?

Robinson_Crusoe_2

spirit wrote: »

If you feel you are not yet ready for dating but just want to get out and about, try looking on here for your local meetup group.

you put your postcode or area in and any groups within about 20 miles or so will come up.

Some are social groups who meet for dinners,walks, theatre etc and some are more specialised depending on your interests.

It was something similar to that site that I joined. Might have even been that site - but have lost the login and password (.. which actually means I have deleted it because it was making me worse looking at what I was missing)

But, I know you are right - but the effort to do it (for me) is monumental.

marisco_2

Personally I believe it takes a real man to cry. It shows that you are wise enough to not hide your emotions. As you have learnt from experience bottling up anxiety, stress and worry only serves to have a detrimental effect on your well being and state of mind. Cry when you need to, then get up, dust yourself off and do what needs to be done. That is true strength.

Robinson_Crusoe_2

Deleted_User wrote: »

OP lots of good advice by well respected posters. It makes lots of sense, well to me anyway.

Btw, you are not alone in how you feel, i can relate to what you wrote. Depression, the facade, marriage break up, feeling lost and alone.

I think others have been more helpful with advice, but I wanted to validate your feelings and say - hi, pleased to meet you, you actually belong to a group. We are just a tad more sensitive and care about what others think.

Your doing great, just keep up positive thoughts as much as possible and don't doubt yourself.

And I do think that is one of the big problems - I really do worry what other people think, and am incredibly sensitive to any form of criticism. I even get highly embarrassed when people are nice...

Robinson_Crusoe_2

dancingfairy wrote: »

Are you placing too high expectations on yourself? are you running disaster scenarios in your head?

Absolutely and most definitely.

I have a very analytical mind and always overdo things.

Hell, it took me over a year to decide what tv I wanted to buy... :rotfl:

117pauline

I hope you are having a reasonable Sunday so far.

I agree with all the other posts but my suggestion is do everything in baby steps - at least that is how I have become more involved.

I lurked on MSE for years before I actually joined. Then it took me ages to get round to posting. Now I have made myself join the 5:2 Elite diet to motivate myself to lose weight as well as starting to interact with other people. To be honest, I find it really hard but I am trying to set myself the goal of posting twice a day. So as you can see, I can empathise with you.

So set yourself some goals and work out the steps you need to get there - I am a firm believer in lists. Then try to take one or two a day/week - whatever works for you.

You have taken the first step by admitting so take some credit for that. I have a gratitude diary where I note down things that are a delight - I thought this would be a waste of time but it is a great reminder when I have bad days.

Good luck with your journey,
Pauline

Robinson_Crusoe_2

JoW123 wrote: »

One of the things he has found really helps is exercise. I wonder if that would help you as I guess its also possible to meet new people through exercise e.g. running groups, cycling, walking etc. Maybe there would be a bit less pressure with a common theme?

Pixiechic wrote: »

Activity and exercise will help the depression too

Find something that you think you may enjoy, take a deep breath, and go

Yes, exercise really does help (my GP advised that as well and took him up on his advice). I enjoy walking and often go along the network of canals round here. But I walk fast and usually have my iPod on. I do stop and take it off so I can sit and listen to the sounds of nature, or feed the swans and ducks. Many (many) years ago, I completed the Lyke Wake Walk - such happy, carefree days - seems like a lifetime ago and not even me that did it.

Pixiechic

I love the Big Bang theory, I have all the box sets and I love Sheldon even more!

Sorry, that's all I had to add

marisco_2

Robinson_Crusoe wrote: »

And I do think that is one of the big problems - I really do worry what other people think, and am incredibly sensitive to any form of criticism. I even get highly embarrassed when people are nice...

Has anything negative happened to you that makes you feel this way? Sometimes people can find it very hard to take on board criticism even when it is constructive, due to being overly harshly criticised in the past. This kind of experience can also make it difficult for someone to feel at ease when people are genuinely nice to them too as they are not use to being treated with respect and kindness. Leaving a person to constantly worry about what others think and not knowing how to live up to a perceived ideal.

Robinson_Crusoe_2

As can be seen above in my answers to various points, I am very good at making excuses and not actually doing anything.

Don't get me wrong, I do go out to the shops, etc, but I know that I need to get out in a more social aspect. But, the reality is, it terrifies me.

My house is taking a lot of my time - doing various repairs, sorting out the garden, doing the laundry, ironing, cleaning, etc - all keeps me busy (lol - says me, sat on my backside in front of my laptop)

Its only when I stop on an evening that the solitude really hits home.

Janey3

Hi there.


I used to play golf, but since moving down here, I haven't played. I know it is a poor excuse, but everyone seems to be so much better at it than I am (which would seriously not be difficult). I think I would be too embarrassed to play with someone now unless they are a complete beginner.

My OH was in the same position as you find yourself, re: golf.
He booked a couple of lessons with a professional at the golf course and this is giving him some confidence back. Why not try that and see how you go?