Best way forward ?

Robinson_Crusoe_2

marisco wrote: »

Has anything negative happened to you that makes you feel this way? Sometimes people can find it very hard to take on board criticism even when it is constructive, due to being overly harshly criticised in the past. This kind of experience can also make it difficult for someone to feel at ease when people are genuinely nice to them too as they are not use to being treated with respect and kindness. Leaving a person to constantly worry about what others think and not knowing how to live up to a perceived ideal.

It has always been there. At school I was always the quiet one in the corner. Not bullied or anything, but always sensitive and very self conscious.

When I left school, I found work and always paid my way. I once got made redundant and took the opportunity (with the support from my now ex-wife) to go back to university as a mature student (I was 25 !!). I graduated with a 2:1 Honours degree - and even then, I was very disappointed that I was not awarded a 1st Class degree.

So, it doesn't even take some one else to criticise me - I'm very good at doing that myself.

Robinson_Crusoe_2

Janey3 wrote: »

Hi there.


I used to play golf, but since moving down here, I haven't played. I know it is a poor excuse, but everyone seems to be so much better at it than I am (which would seriously not be difficult). I think I would be too embarrassed to play with someone now unless they are a complete beginner.

My OH was in the same position as you find yourself, re: golf.
He booked a couple of lessons with a professional at the golf course and this is giving him some confidence back. Why not try that and see how you go?

Uncannily I have looked into this. There is one not too far away that was offering a free 30 minute "taster".

Again - it's just the monumental effort to actually do it. I would tell myself that I can't do it today as the grass needs cutting, or another day because the car needs washing, or the ironing needs to be done... It is the path of least resistance.

Robinson_Crusoe_2

Have just been reading through my replies and I do sound like a pathetic person who just makes excuses.

I know this will ultimately end up in you lot saying "Well, we tried, but we give up because only you can make a difference..."

So, I promise that I will try and make an effort.

I will try to build myself up to doing something different (and hopefully) sociable.

Part of me thinks I should give myself a timescale, but part of me knows this will simply add to the pressure and probably cause me to bottle it (how's that for a Catch 22 scenario)

I will have a think about all the fantastic replies from all you good people and try to figure a way forward. The irony of it all, is that even I realise that once the initial effort of actually getting out there is over, then I'd probably enjoy myself.

Wilma33

If you look at the "big picture" then everything seems scary and unobtainable. Just set yourself one challenge e.g. go to the golf taster or go to one of the meet up events. Then just focus on doing that. Don't think about meeting a life partner or transforming your life, just focus on the one challenge. Once you have achieved that, reward yourself, and decide what is next. One step at a time.

Janey3

Yes, I know what you mean, OP, it took OH many months before he took the plunge and go to the course. He had all the gear, but never seemed to get round to using it but one day he just upped out of his chair, gathered his clubs etc together from the shed and off he went. There is a driving range, I think you call it, attached to the course, so he spent several weeks there, practicing on his own, before he booked the lessons.

marisco_2

Robinson_Crusoe wrote: »

It has always been there. At school I was always the quiet one in the corner. Not bullied or anything, but always sensitive and very self conscious.

When I left school, I found work and always paid my way. I once got made redundant and took the opportunity (with the support from my now ex-wife) to go back to university as a mature student (I was 25 !!). I graduated with a 2:1 Honours degree - and even then, I was very disappointed that I was not awarded a 1st Class degree.

So, it doesn't even take some one else to criticise me - I'm very good at doing that myself.

In many ways being driven, wanting to achieve and be the best you can be are good attributes. It is a fine line someone treads in finding a balance between doing this and not being their own worst critic unable to appreciate all their strengths and abilities. Learning to respect, like and value yourself is important. Not in a big headed or smug way at all, it is more about developing a sense of self worth. This goes a long way to helping a person build their self confidence and to feel that others will want to know them and spend time with them. Have you ever considered counselling as a feasible option in helping you to find a positive way forward?

I agree with the poster who suggested taking baby steps. If you break things down, into ways that feel comfortable for you to approach and manage them, then you may find yourself able to attempt things that seem impossible now. Often the fear of doing something is worse than the reality of it. It is a matter of discovering what works best for you and going with it.

Pixiechic

The golf taster session and then practise on the driving range sounds like a great idea. Why don't you book it and do your best to go? Nothing ventured...............

Have you seen the film The Way with Martin Sheen? Your thread reminded me of it. It's brilliant, I want to do the El camino de Santiago, one day. Good for the soul.

I think that everyone cares about what people think of them to a certain degree, it's just when those cares stop you doing things that it becomes a problem. Have you considered counselling?

Robinson_Crusoe_2

marisco wrote: »

Have you ever considered counselling as a feasible option in helping you to find a positive way forward?...

Yes, I have.

I had grief counselling sessions after my mother died with a volunteer group person from Cruse Bereavement Care. And, although it did help immensely, and I will be forever grateful to the chap, I really did feel ridiculous. So, I only had 2 sessions.

Maybe ridiculous is the wrong word - maybe just very self conscious. Either way, I'm not sure I could.

117pauline

I don't think of you as pathetic and I am pretty certain that all the others posting here don't either. It's that nasty voice inside that is telling you that.

It is difficult to take the first step to do many things and sometimes you have to accept that it isn't quite the right time. Find something that challenges you slightly but don't worry about others being critical, most people don't have those thoughts.

Good luck for this week - remember you have made a huge step just admitting it out loud.

Take care
Pauline

Robinson_Crusoe_2

...maybe just very self conscious...

I do think this is my main problem - an over heightened awareness of myself.