The OS Doorstep - a helpful and supportive thread in these tough times

fuddle

I thought it was just living doon here Lyn. We have eaten all the strawberries and nothing left to flower now. The conkers are forming well out the back. The berries on the tree in the front are orange and soon to be turning red and that is a worry because they were red in November when we moved here! (that may be the norm but it certainly doesn't look right)

boultdj

paidinchickens wrote: »

And what a lovely "scrubber" you are to
Was the course useful?

PiC x

fuddle wrote: »

I've done a couple of training courses boult but no training can help you when a service user refuses help with personal care and begins to get angry if you push the issue. In that situation I am in someone else's home and alone so I back off.

Not everyone with dementia reacts the same way. I have ladies who go down the anxiety route and worry obsessively about food stocks or don't think their home is their home but a hotel or even a care home. I have a lady who resents the fact that she needs care and is verbally abusive 80% of the time and wishes to stab each of us with a sharp knife. We have to adapt and understand in order to keep ourselves safe while ensuring the person feels safe so therefore if someone refuses any kind of help then I stand back and allow the person the right of feeling control, not threatened in their own home and avoid heightened emotions that can force a behaviour that is not safe for anyone in the situation.

Not realy PIC, as shown by fuddle's reply underneath, at least in the nurseing home you'v got other people to help distract them when they try and hit you.

savingqueen

Morning all,

glorious sunshine here, great getting washing dried so easily. DH has an exam this eve (and one tomorrow) so please can I ask for some positive thoughts. He looks a bit like a mad professor, surrounded with papers and books, hair sticking up a bit and jabbing away at his calculator like his life depended on it!

DS7 has a school trip today to a local nature reserve to do pond dipping and other nature activities - very DS7 so he was bouncier than normal this morning. DS10 also up full of the joys of summer and for first time in a long while (ever if feels like ) our morning went very calmly, even traffic was minimal and we were early to school. Also first time ever I have had some relief from my back pain (still there all these weeks) DH and friends starting to nag me a little to go to GPs and I will make an appointment if no improvement by Monday. Usually it just gradually gets better on its own but this is dragging on. I'm sure the relaxed start to the day helped my back also, everything is linked when it comes to health and wellbeing.

I looked at that cost of living article. DH's wages are a fair bit less than that and that's not taking into account his commuting costs by train which cost well over £200 a month even with him walking both ends to save bus/tube/parking fares. Also we live in SE (albeit a comparatively cheap part) where housing costs can be higher. He works so hard and provides well for us all and if I mentioned he was earning less than average his pride would be dented so I never mention those sorts of stats to him.

Glad to hear Mr LW is ok this morning, hope you both have a calm day today. Take it easy if it's hot as it is here. Hope your BP appointment goes ok Lynn.

Shegar you are right to prioritise your health, don't you dare feel an ounce of guilt for being pro-active. Hope the appointment goes well and your feet as sorted asap.

Congrats to Miss Pooky with her art results. :T
Lovely to hear about DD's playdate stilty I dropped DS10 off at (his most sensible) friend's house the other day so they could walk to school together. Felt a bit deal for me, but not for him it seemed. We live a very long walk away but most of his friends don't, so letting him walk a shorter walk with friends is great practise for secondary school. My lad is growing up fast!

Could chat all day but really need to brave the heat. Need scripts for 3 of us and pop into town. Then back to do a few chores and wash my hair, save doing tonight when my back will ache and both boys need baths too.


sq

ivyleaf

:hello: Hi everyone, sorry i haven't posted for a while but I've been reading along.

Sheila - You'll have had the MRI by the time you read this, so I hope it went ok and that the doc can help you. So pleased your husband like the home

PIC ((HUGS)), so hard for you re the boys but I think you're wise to just leave talking about her up to them when and if they want to.

Monnagran - Huge sympathy to you re the packing. Do you have a definite moving date yet? i hope the people at the other end are getting the manse looking nice for you and the Rev x

Lyn What a worrying time for you with HWK and the Dockling both not 100% I hope your BP isn't too bad this morning.

Stilty - Glad you are safely in your new home and that DD is doing so well Do the children both like their new home?

Possession - So sorry you have had to make this hard decision about Lottie, but it does sound as if it's the right one for all of you x

Sorry I haven't replied individually to everyone, I can''t remember what was said

I'm a bit anxious atm because my brother is coming to visit us in a few weeks - he lives abroad and i could tell by his behaviour when we visited him last year that he is suffering with depression and anxiety. He is like my DH was before being diagnosed with depression - he is very cynical about everything, and can be talking quite normally but then veer off into a "rant" about something unrelated. He did it when we were out at a restaurant having a nice evening with some some friends (well, it had been nice up until then!)

He is visiting several friends and relatives while here, and will only be with us for one day, so he's asked if as many of the local family as possible can come out to lunch (which he and we will pay for between us). I'm dreading that someone will innocently say something to start him off

It's such a shame, I love him but I'm really not looking forward to him coming. I've asked him to get some treatment, but he's been like this for so long that for him it's his "normal" so he doesn't think there's anything wrong with him! Hopefully he'll be feeling relatively cheerful as he'll have seen all the family and some of his grandchildren.

Phew! Sorry to whinge when I know many of you have a far harder row to hoe, just needed to let it out

ETA: Good luck to your OH for the exams SQ - and yes, do see your GP about your back!

[Deleted User]

IVYLEAF knowing how your brother is sometimes 'distracted' by things in the converesation would it be a possibility to flag up safe areas of discussion to your family members who are coming to the get together and some small explanation of why? It might make the lunch go more smoothly and spare you the angst and embarassment that ensues if he's kept calm and in his comfort zone. It's understandable though love, why you view his visit with a degree of trepidation and you can't make him take action for a problem that he denies exists can you? It doesn't sound like a whinge to me, just a sharing of a problem that we as your friends might be able to throw coping strategies at to help you, that's really what this thread is about isn't it? support and and caring!!!

paidinchickens

Could I just ask a personal question.

If you starting your monthly dooh dah every three weeks, does that mean it's the beginning of the end?.........please say yes :rotfl:

PiC x

savingqueen

paidinchickens wrote: »

Could I just ask a personal question.

If you starting your monthly dooh dah every three weeks, does that mean it's the beginning of the end?.........please say yes :rotfl:

PiC x

if you are in your 40s or older, than quite likely the peri-menopause. My cycle is freewheeling all over the place, longer or shorter cycles, whatever it fancies. Don't like the unpredictibility at all. The joys of being female! I reckon it will all peak hormone wise just as my two are in the midst of adolescence (poor DH), DS10 is already showing subtle signs.

ivyleaf

paidinchickens wrote: »

Could I just ask a personal question.

If you starting your monthly dooh dah every three weeks, does that mean it's the beginning of the end?.........please say yes :rotfl:

PiC

Don't get too excited.... I'm now sixty and thought I must have finished, but no.....I get long gaps and then it all starts again! Everything's fine, I've been checked out (I have a scan every six months to be on the safe side), just having an unusually late menopause Jolly fed up with it too! I had one in early December, then just started again the other day :mad: Seriously though PIC, I know I'm fairly unusual, so just wait and see! I'm sure you'll be luckier.

Lyn (tried to multiquote but seem to have done it wrong) Thanks lovey, such a kind thought and sounds a good idea but am worried that it may be very hard to find "safe" areas of conversation, as he can manage to connect almost anything to the topics that upset him! Oh well.

As he lives abroad he reads the British papers online, but only the free-to-view ones,and of course the free ones are the tabloids (apart from the Guardian, which he finds too left-wing) so he tends to overdose on papers like the DM which tell the readers what they should be thinking and feeling.

I must try to persuade him to take out an online subscription to something like The Independent, I think, though he will probably say he will, then forget all about it.

Thanks again. x

nursemaggie

MrsLW I hope everything is OK today. Fuddle is right you must look after yourself. Hope Your BP is OK tell the nurse why if it is not.

I have read so much I cannot remember everything so all look after your heath and well being. Good luck SQs OH with exams. They never get any easier do they. Hugs for those who need them.

Monogran you have my sympathy with your move. Don't get rid of too much I took so much to CS I am finding things we had not used for a long time I really need right now.

Went to town this morning kettle blew up on me last night. Got to go again I need my cable needle but can't find it. I had a set of lovely place mats from Cornwall I took to CS as never used now I need them as we have a new table. DS20 makes as much mess as a 2 year old still.

shegar

PIC....Yea they do go all over the place when your( OTC..) on the change , I went through it at 41 and all over and done with before I hit 42 , so I was well pleased I didnt suffer at all, go see the nurse she will soon know.....

LYN ...Glad HWK is fighting fit , keep eye on him....;)

Thanks for all your kind messages , and yes I had the 2 MRI scans this morning , each scan lasted 25 minuets , I was treated very well , and even was able to choose what music I wanted to listen to through the headphones, ha ha , I chose the 80 s for the first foot, then had a 1997 hits for the second...LOL.....Time went quite quick listening to music........

I suppose now the dr will get the scans on his desk and I presume I will get another appointment sent to me.........He did tell me Monday that I will have to have both oped on , so I expect the scans show him more details......

So ive had quite a successful week so far, surprise what paying for does for your health....:)....There was another lady waiting for a scan , she said that she was told she would have to wait 18 wks for the scan on NHS so she went private for her MRI and got it in the same wekk...!! ...

My son came to see me this afternoon , and said to me " mum are you suffering from depression.?, so I told him that the last 9 wks ive upped my anti d s to 2 aday cos im not feeling too good, funny how he could see that ......So ive just phoned surgery and got a app but cant see dr until 21 July....:eek:.......I need putting back on another anti d he put me on when I had this bad 3 years ago, I told my son its all because of the pain im in , everywhere else in my life is now settled ,although we still havent had the paperwork in for hubby to be permanently signed in the home ,:eek: but this pain is destroying me , I cant move much and this just isnt me .........Plus I keep comfort eating , which isnt good cos my weight is more than it should be...........Sorry to off load all this again , but it can only be the miserable life I have at the moment with the pain, any ideas girls ?.....
Been really warm today and should hit 27 degrees tomorrow..........Take care all....Sheila...