The OS Doorstep - a helpful and supportive thread in these tough times

[Deleted User]

Thanks folks, KIDCAT I'm not sure honesty would work, the daughter is not very sensible, a bit fluffy and likes her own way and she's likely to say they'll bring her another week and stay themselves, I'd leave home myself if that was a likelihood. I just feel it would be a chore all round, for her as well as us, I don't know her any more and she certainly doesn't know us, we're very different prople to the people we were 20 years ago. You do grow apart after that length of time even from people you're in touch with regularly, lives take different paths and common ground is lost.

Hi CANDLELIGHT I don't think she's likely to leave anything to us, she's still got all my dads worldly goods and her son will make sure they stay in thier family, and we don't care about that I just think it would be a disastrous week for all concerned. She's OK with dogs, but unsteady on her pins and he's enthusiastic to say the least, I'm worried he'll be a hazard to her. He doesn't mind people coming to visit, he just goes behind the sofa when he's had enough!!!

kidcat

Oh MRSLW I know many people just like that, in which case I think you are going to have to say neither of you are up to caring for her. If you haven't seen her for 20 yrs she won't know how fit either of you are.

wondercollie

PIC: our hospital always schedules Diabetics for the early slots because of the fasting since midnight requirement. Insulin users get first slot then those on Metformin and the other oral hypoglycemic drugs. The fasting can cause problems. So we tend to get them in, get them out.


Either tell your patients they are diabetics and educate and treat them as such or give them the clean up your act or you will become a diabetic in the next five years.


Just had yet another patient come back from surgery and tell me she's a diabetic. "Oh, what meds are you on?" Patient say's "Oh, I manage my diet". "How often do you check your blood sugars?" Every six months!


Take her blood sugar post op as is standard and she's a 6.0. Which was pretty close to what she tested for five hours earlier when she was admitted and prepped. No, babe, you need to lose 50lbs, exercise more often, and stop whinning that you are a diabetic.

paidinchickens

Thanks WC I will check this with his Docs and make sure he's aware.

Lyn what ever you do you'll feel bad as your so kind hearted. I'm pretty much on the same lines as Kidcat.

Your house isn't set up for a visit and that your having problems and may have to dash off at a moments notice perhaps? but you could arrange to meet for coffee?


It's very strange though isn't it, I mean a whole week? not just stopping by for lunch......... a week :eek: No one drops an 80 year old off for a week to someone they haven't seen for 20 years.

I once to attend a course and part of it was the art of saying no. Apparently the best approach is to say

No thank you but thanks for the offer. No apologies or explanation as that gives the person wiggle room to negotiate their own way, I've never managed to say it myself.

Take care and don't let it worry you too much

PiC x

mardatha

MrsL it sounds to me like she's becoming a problem, the daughter is at her wits end trying to cope with her and has run out of people to dump her on..

Floss

Or daughter wants a holiday and thinks its time you "did your share". Whatever the reason, I think PIC said it best: "no thanks but thank you for the offer". Ring up the daughter, tell her your answer then perhaps you could get DH to knock at the door to terminate the call.

[Deleted User]

Bless you all, they live back in Kent where we came from and she lives in sheltered accommodation so they're a good 3 hours drive away. I don't know why she has decided that she wants to visit now as there have been 20 years when it would have been more convenient. We've left them behind and made our own lives here and they've been content for it to be that way. It may be that her elder daughter wants time off but there is another daughter and a son who all live close by to her so I'm a bit mystified as to why now. He Who Knows and I have had a chat and I'm going to write to her as it's much easier to express what you feel on paper without the emotion of a telephone conversation. I'll explain that we're doing back up for Zebra and DD2 wants us once a week if we can manage it and also that the house just isn't set up for an 80 year old to visit. It will be high summer and the plots and the growing will need our time for most of the day so it will just not be convenient for her to come at that time. I'm also a little concerned should she need to see a doctor while she's here that our surgery is extremely busy and it's almost impossible to get an appointment within a couple of weeks so that would be a problem too. I think she's a bit hazy about life these days and thinks the girls are living close by us so she'll be able to see them too and they are both 2 and a half hours away in different directions but she doesn't grasp the geography. I'm sure no is the right decision but as you say I'll feel guilty for saying it. Thanks for your help and input it's helped me clear the thoughts and come to a decision, I'm very grateful, Lyn xxx.

Jazee

Mrs LW, it looks like you've decided what to do. I have a similar situation. I just say the house is not set up to have guests, but if they want to arrange to stay in a B&B close by I will meet up with them for days out or whatever, or they can even pop by for a coffee. In fact this is exactly what is happening this weekend.

[Deleted User]

Thanks JAZEE it would be a possibility but the daughter is very hard going of the 'Oh God I've broken a nail!' variety and I would much much prefer to keep our distance as she is likely to see us as a source of free accommodation whenever they take it into thier heads to come down to Hampshire, once was definately too much!!!

ivyleaf

Lyn I agree with what others have said, you will have to say No.

Yes, you may feel a little guilty (though you really shouldn't, it's just a natural reaction) but you will also feel hugely relieved!

Love your description of the daughter in your most recent post

well, I don't know what happened to the thunderstorms and downpours we were promised would arrive in the early hours! Perhaps that pleasure is still to come :eek:
It looks a bit damp out there but can't have rained much or the cat's outside water bowl would be full up.

I've decided I'll have to get some bedding plants for the front garden, it looks so awful atm. I've done some weeding but can only manage a little bit at a time, so by the time I'm up to doing some more, the weeds are back :rotfl:

Last week I pulled up what I thought was an unfamiliar weed, only to find out later it was a cutting my neighbour had put in, from a plant I'd admired in her own garden She's elderly and had quite forgotten to tell me about it! I'm scared to pull up any more atm in case they are surprises from her too