Can someone help please? :( VERY long post.

Pollycat

MakeupAddict wrote: »

Umm.... contradiction!!! If you keep saying no, she's going to think her help genuinely isn't needed or wanted, so she's going to stop offering or offer less often.

I understand that as a parent you're torn, especially at a time of transition like this - do you want her to be an adult and pull her weight as such, or do you want her to have some fun and freedom? But mixed messages aren't going to help either of you. It sounds like reality has hit her, sooner than you thought at the start of this thread, and she's matured enough to see what life is really like.

I'd let her help. As well as it showing that you accept her as an adult, it will mean less work for you, a good opportunity for mother/daughter bonding, and you can teach her skills that will help her when she's away from home on her own.

Win-win!

MuAx

I'm glad things have improved, but I do agree with the above post.

The girl must be confused if you say she's not doing enough but when she offers you turn her down.

If she's offering to do 'stuff' that you really don't want help with but you want help with something else, why not discuss it with her and maybe explain that (for example) 2 people trying to stack the dishwasher doesn't really work but you find it hard to put the super-king-size duvet cover on all by yourself.

olibrofiz

I work at a Uni, dealing with both design based and academic courses. On the academic ones the students are given reading lists in preparation for the next year of study, the design students generally get a summer project or two (do 20 x A3 sketches of something, visit museums/art galleries etc). Nothing at a level to prevent them working over the summer.

The maintenance loan/grant is designed to cover sept-sept, and paid out in 3 instalments - approx. Sept/Jan/May (ish, I think). There is a catch to this if a student on a 3/4 year degree decides to withdraw at the end of their 1st or 2nd academic year (July-ish) - SLC will claw back a %, which often comes as a surprise.

Glad your DD is doing some work now OP and your chat wasn't as difficult as you'd imagined it would be

cutestkids

Well done for the progress so far but please remember to say yes when she asks if she can help you.

Better still give her a list of things that are her responsibility around the house that way she knows where she stands.

I have two boys aged 12 and nearly 8 and they have always helped me in the house and now have specific jobs to do for example the older one washes the dishes most evenings, brings the washing in off the line and empties the kitchen bin every evening.
The younger one dries the dishes in the evening and sets and clears the table.
On top of this they have to keep their rooms tidy and sweep / hoover their floors and once a week strip their beds ready for washing.
It works well in our house and they don't really complain as they have realised that it has to be done.

hannerrbabes

Crikey, she needs a kick up the bum! Yes, she may have a lot of studying/stress with her education, but this doesn't last all summer.
A friend of mine completed her A Levels a year ago. Whilst doing them she had to cope with running a house of her own, working every weekend, running her own business, stressful family situations and breaking up with a long-term live-in BF. And yet despite all of this, she came out with AAB in her results!!
But I am sure this will come if she moves away from home for uni (you should encourage it! lol). Hope the chat goes well x