Can someone help please? :( VERY long post.

Bennifred

Lou67 wrote: »

UPDATE on the teen daughter issue. She has been working in her p/t job 4 days a week for the last 4 weeks, as most of her pals are working, and she got bored LOL! And she got a big fat paycheck this week, (a month's pay,) and offered us half! I said it's OK, but did take a fifth of it towards petrol, for running her around. And at least half a dozen times now, she has asked if she can help with what I am doing; I keep saying no though!!! Hard habit to break.

She said that she will more than likely work the summer hols next year, as she has been told her uni will arrange work for her connected to her degree. OK, mountains may not have moved as she is still untidy and isn't offering to do stuff as often as I would like, but things are improving. She has taken all the hours her work has offered and has helped me put washing out, do shopping and carry shopping and also a bit of housework.

That's good news! Always accept offers of help, though, and be suitably thankful so she gets that nice warm glow of being approved of>:)

Lou67

Thanks Bennifred.

[Deleted User]

LOL I have one who is about to start uni this September and we keep having this hotly debated topic. I can't afford for my eldest not to work and he keeps doing his best to avoid it! Like you I really can't afford to keep supporting him because his dad doesn't help now he's 18 and there are no benefits available to kids in this bracket. I've been making him do surveys etc against his will.

Problem is finding the jobs in this day and age as much as anything and I've heard some awful stories of kids working in freezing temps during the night for delivery companies for a fiver an hour

Good luck to you.

Lou67

Thank you Beremy Good luck to you too. It's hard going, especially when you lose your child tax credits and child benefits, but once she is gone to uni, at least we will pay less for electric and gas and food too! Also, we won't be giving her an allowance either.

I have made it abundantly clear that we will not be supporting her anymore once she starts uni; not even next summer, so she best make sure she holds some money back from her maintenace grant, for next summer hols as she will not be having an allowance. No 18/19 year old should expect pocket money FGS!

Wyre

My lass has finished her first year at uni and she has no 'homework' to do over the summer. She didn't work this year - although she had worked up until she left for uni. We didn't provide her with any money. We just couldn't afford to. We did do a few big shops for her at the start of each semester though.

I am so proud of her as she didn't get into debt - no credit cards, no going over her overdraft (only £200) or having to get the overdraft extended like one of her friends.

She has found it very hard to get holiday work, but has done a few days for an agency so at least her overdraft and her phone bills will be paid and she will start the new academic year on an even keel.

She has already said she will looking for work straight away when she goes back and will be signing up for internships for next summer.

jenhug

Instead of waiting for her to offer to do a job, why not give her a list of jobs that you expect her to do throughout the week?

jenhug

Also, I would be tempted to tell her you expect a 1/3 of her wage, expect her to save 1/3 and that leaves her with 1/3 to spend. I know it sounds a lot initially, but it will teach her a hell of a lot about working with a budget, and you can always put the 1/3 you take from her as emergency money should something unexpected crop up throughout the year?

Don't tell her you are saving it though!

paulineb_2

Progress, well done

Do whats right for you as in how much you take of her wage, no one else.

Lou67

Thanks guys

MakeupAddict_2

Lou67 wrote: »

UPDATE on the teen daughter issue. She has been working in her p/t job 4 days a week for the last 4 weeks, as most of her pals are working, and she got bored LOL! And she got a big fat paycheck this week, (a month's pay,) and offered us half! I said it's OK, but did take a fifth of it towards petrol, for running her around. And at least half a dozen times now, she has asked if she can help with what I am doing; I keep saying no though!!! Hard habit to break.

She said that she will more than likely work the summer hols next year, as she has been told her uni will arrange work for her connected to her degree. OK, mountains may not have moved as she is still untidy and isn't offering to do stuff as often as I would like, but things are improving. She has taken all the hours her work has offered and has helped me put washing out, do shopping and carry shopping and also a bit of housework.

Umm.... contradiction!!! If you keep saying no, she's going to think her help genuinely isn't needed or wanted, so she's going to stop offering or offer less often.

I understand that as a parent you're torn, especially at a time of transition like this - do you want her to be an adult and pull her weight as such, or do you want her to have some fun and freedom? But mixed messages aren't going to help either of you. It sounds like reality has hit her, sooner than you thought at the start of this thread, and she's matured enough to see what life is really like.

I'd let her help. As well as it showing that you accept her as an adult, it will mean less work for you, a good opportunity for mother/daughter bonding, and you can teach her skills that will help her when she's away from home on her own.

Win-win!

MuAx