How do I get things back on track?

barbiedoll

I'm sorry to hear about your dreadful incident with your neighbour, I'm not surprised that you are still suffering, what a terrible situation.

A close member of my family experienced an identical scenario, in his case, he found his best friend hanging and did as you did, sadly to no avail. He also had years of nightmares, flashbacks and eventually his girlfriend sent him for counselling.

He said that the counsellor made him realise that he was carrying a lot of guilt for two reasons, firstly that he hadn't noticed that his friend was in such a bad place, and secondly, for failing to resusitate him. He managed to face his feelings and realise that ultimately, he wasn't responsible for his friend's death, nor could he have done more to save him.

You would probably benefit from seeking help, it sounds as though you are trying to block your emotions by working hard and not stopping until you fall into bed. Where you don't get much respite either by the sounds of it. Your GF may be lazy (like me!) she may be depressed by the move and being away from her friends and family or it may be that you have taken over the running of the household and she thinks that it's what you want to do. You need to speak to her, if she's just lazy, tell her that she's not pulling her weight and it's not fair to leave the housework to you.
If you're dashing around the house, finding things to do so that you don't have time to sit down and think, then only you can make the changes you need.

I hope you find some peace, and I hope your GF makes you happy, but you need to speak to her and you need to face your demons too. And good luck with your studies.

Georgiegirl256

I feel for you OP, I went through a similar time (regards the nightmares etc) after my Uncle hung himself. I was off work for about 2 months, I was having panic attacks, it was awful. I didn't find him (my Aunty did), I don't know what I'd have been like if I had like you did with your neighbour

My Uncle left a note telling my Aunty not to go into the shed, but she still did anyhow, probably in her mind, she still thought she might be able to save him or something? So don't feel guilty for doing what you did, trying to help, you'd probably be suffering alot more guilt if you'd have done nothing.

As for your OH, like someone else says, she needs to get off her lazy !!!! and do more. How she can sit around doing nothing and then say to you that you don't spend enough time together is unbelievable....

catkins

OP, I cannot even begin to imagine the horror of finding someone hanged - I am not at all surprised you have nightmares. Your girlfriend should be proud of you for trying to help and have sympathy for what you have gone through not get annoyed with you.

Is there a reason why she only works 2-3 hours a day? Is there no full time work where you live or does she have health problems?

I don't understand why she thinks it is perfectly ok for her to do nothing around the house and you do everything on top of a full time job and studying.

I don't work because of health problems and I am a lot lot older than your girlfriend but I still do almost everything in the house although it means doing things slowly and taking long rests. My OH doesn't expect me to do everything even though he works long hours because of my health issues but I feel guilty if I don't. There are days when I can do little but I almost always cook even though I know he would be happy to come home and do it. We just have something quick and easy on my bad days.

Did you live together before your move to the Hebrides and, if so, did she do more in the house then?