How do I get things back on track?

kelpie35

The question you really need to ask yourself is...........Am I really happy in this relationship?

If the answer is yes, just carry on with it.

If the answer is no then you need to take steps in changing it.

Have you asked her if she is willing to make a go of your new life?

I think if the answer is no then I think you would manage to live a better life on your own, at the moment, and concentrate on doing your exams etc and having a peaceful life.

You are being asked to do everything in this relationship and that seems very unfair.

A partnership is a two way thing.

Good luck with your future.

LannieDuck

Not much to say that hasn't been said already. Why does your OH not do the housework/get the dinner ready while you're out at work? Then you might have more time to relax with her in the evenings.

Seems like a no-brainer to me. What's her POV?

jetplane

Wow how incredibly lazy is she? Has it always been like this even before your move when you weren't so busy? Is this a habit that she has been accustomed to? Does she resent the fact that you are studying?

There's no easy way to say it to her but relationships are about compromise and she must be prepared to share the load. If she spent just 2 hours a day she could do most of the housework, laundry, shopping and sort dinner. That would still give her plenty of 'me time' and leave you with more energy and time to spend together.

As for your nightmares you say these become worse when you are very tired and stressed. That is more reason for her to share the load. You might not need extra counselling you might just need some relaxation time and then once you're not so tired maybe try a short meditation routine before you go to sleep?

She needs to wake up and take some responsibility rather than laying the blame with you.

Gigglepig

- if wife finds a more demanding job or studies she will have less time to miss you, or to feel lonely and isolated. Sounds like she is lonely and bored due to relocating somewhere remote. If it is hard to find more hours work, what about open uni? It can be really hard to relocate due to a partner's job.

- in laws need to butt out, it is out of order to suggest their little princess moves back home to them. They probably meant it well, but I hope she laughed them in the face.

- you can ask for support/counselling, it is better to address your trauma and stress now than struggle with it and potentially end up on sick leave

fluffnutter

Pseudonym1983 wrote: »

I had counselling after my neighbour killed himself, and it seemed to work, however when I get stressed / busy, I find it's very hard to turn my mind ioff for want of a better expression. I then end up replaying events in my head - I don't do it deliberately and I wish I knew how to stop. The nightmares cause arguments as I disturb her sleep as I thrash around etc, but when I go to sleep in the spare room, she also gets upset that I'm not in with her. There are time I just want to find a corner, curl up and cry! Sad, I know.

I'm no expert but these are classic symptoms of PTSD. I don't know what type of counselling you had but there are very particular techniques that are useful for PTSD sufferers which concentrate on 'resetting' the brain to switch off the continual replaying of the traumatic incident. Please think about trying this again.

tayforth

I can't suggest anything that hasn't been said, but just wanted to send you a big hug. Your gf needs to contribute more in the way of housework, but more importantly she needs to be more supportive and less selfish.

Counselling will help, please do seek help for the trauma that you have suffered. You did an incredibly brave thing, my heart goes out to you.

miss_independent

OP, you need to sit down and speak calmly and honestly with your GF about dividing things more fairly.

I am a little shocked that she does pretty much nothing all day and I'm concerned about the shape of things to come. Do you intend to stay together long term/have children? You are doing too much and it seems very one-sided. You need support and you aren't getting it. This is the kind of stuff that makes or breaks relationships but if you can't be honest with her now and if she can't step up to the plate at this point then you have to decide if you are right for each other.

BUT I don't want to be harsh on GF - can I ask OP, is there any chance that she is depressed?

I'm trying to understand why she does so little...

geoffky

Kick the lazy cow into the long grass....Move on...

FBaby

The way you describe the situation portrays your fiancee as a very self centered person? Is she? Could there be more to it from her perspective?

You sound like the perfect partner and she like a lazy madam. Either she is and in that case I would think twice about marrying her, or you are seeing your relationship from very different eyes to hers, in which case, it might help to try to see from her perspective.

katie1812

Blimey I can't believe your fianc!e does nothing or very little round the house. I work less than my husband and although I probably have about an hour and half each night before he's home I tend to do something round the house most days, hoovering, washing, cleaning, ironing etc. and every night I start and prepare our tea so that its cooking for when he gets home. It's not because I feel I have to its because I want to! I'm proud of our house and want to look after it and my husband. Plus I'd be so bored if I just sat on my bum all the time. You need to tell her that you can't carry on, I would never expect my hubby to do everything!!