How do I get things back on track?

Pixiechic

Are you worried that if you ask her to do more she will move back to her family? Is that why you don't ask much of her and let her do very little?

Go back to the doctor and explain how you feel, it was very traumatic and PTSD can be worked on.

I think that you need to speak with your girlfriend. If she wants to spend more time with you then she needs to do more to help.

I wonder if you feel that because she moved all that way for you, against her parents wishes, that you need to provide everything for her. She made a decision to move with you and now needs to pitch in so that you can both make it work.

HeadAboveWater

Just a quick post to tell you I agree with the other posters, and also to send a *big hug*

lindsaygalaxy

No wonder you are stressed! What would happen if you had kids, would she still expect you to do everything?

I think you should sit down and say how stressed you are and finding things difficult. You have moved to a different part of the country, not mars, so its not an excuse. You need to work together to decide who is going to do what - it is meant to be a partnership.

I hate so say it, if not, I would decide if this is what you want out of life. Its not the fact she isnt doing much around the house. Its that she knows what you have been through, how much you work and how little she does, yet does very little in return.

thorsoak

Well, from what you've said, it's not for you to get your relationship back on track - you are doing everything and she is doing s*d b****r all!

Either she wants to be with you, in a partnership - which means you support each other - or she doesn't. If she wants to be waited on hand, foot and finger, she should go home to mum!

You haven't got a relationship - you've got a lazy lodger!

aileth

Sorry but I'd be hopping mad in your shoes. Even when I'm working all day, if OH comes home even 15 minutes later than me I will always make sure there is dinner on the table or nearly on the table by the time he gets home. The responsibility for the majority of chores should also rest with her as well in my opinion, as 2-3 hours a day is b*gger all.

She sounds incredibly unsupportive to be honest. If she was so bothered about time with you, she would stop 'relaxing' and helping you out so you can spend more time together.

Errata

She may want more time with you, but all the messages she's sending you are clearly showing that she doesn't seem to give a damn about you. But you're handy to have around to feed her and for her to moan at.

pebbles88

Aw OP,

I can't quite believe that someone who is meant to be a supportive partner actually thinks she has anything to whine about when it is you who is doing everything for her!!

Few hours work each day, then time to be busy doing nothing, throw in the occasional run.... Crikey .... :eek::eek: charmed life or what!!

You sound like a very responsible, grown up man, she's very lucky to have found someone who is willing to do everything you are as they're very very rare these days! :A

I echo the additional counselling that has been mentioned, it was such a traumatic thing you went through, it'll take a long long time to heal. (((((HUGS))))) so please don't feel bad about still having bad feelings & nightmares. It's completely understandable.

As for her not being happy about her sleep being disturbed... Or you sleeping in another room so her sleep doesn't get disturbed... & she then whines about being on her own!!! Excuse me... But !!!!!!!!
Why on earth isn't she realising that she should support you with this, being there for you when they do happen? She seems very cold & uncaring. I've even stayed over with friends for similar reasons when they have needed it. It's a basic thing you do for people you care about.

With her parents offering her to move back in & you visit them.... I think I can see where her behaviour stems from. I'd let her move back, you deserve much much better. If she can't realise that, then it's her loss.

Sorry if that came out a bit muddled, I'm not the best at getting things out at times.

X

SavingPennies_2

I dont want to get into criticising your GF to much until we know the full story. Why is she only working 2-3 hours a day? That seems very odd I assume from what you see she has no children and it fit and healthy. Does she do so by choice? If she works 2-3 hours a day and your are working full time plus studying without a doubt she should be doing more around the house, that way when you get in from work you can spend the evenings and weekends relaxing together. Im not saying she should do all the housework, but given her working hours she should do the majority.

Fluff15

I definitely think you should try counselling again, and also maybe look into getting something to help you sleep? Try home remedies first - yoga and meditation, warm decaffeinated drinks before bed, St Johns Wart etc. Failing that, ask the doctor for something stronger. You won't have to be on it long term, just until you can really deal with what happened.

Your career prospects sound fantastic - even if you don't stay in that job, your qualifications will open loads of doors for you. With such a fantastic outlook, you should have a partner who is willing to support you and help you grow. But by the sounds of things, she's not doing that at all.

You need to have a proper chat with her, and discuss how you're feeling. For some reason, I feel she might say she resents the fact that your new job made her move away, but don't let that guilt trip you. She didn't have to move, she wanted to be with you and so she should be making the effort with you now also.

Tell her she needs to be helping out more. It's not fair for you to be doing everything. I'm not saying you should tell her to do ALL of it (although I think she should, lazy mare), but compromise and make her do the majority. For example, you do the housework at the weekends, she does it in the week. If she agrees to this, make sure it's evenly spread out and you're not left with piles of it at the weekend. Relationships are meant to be equal, and yours isn't.

As you are so busy, suggest a date night, where you two dedicate an evening just to each other. No phones or laptops, just doing something you both enjoy doing. Going out for a meal, cinema, etc. This will benefit both you and her.

You've been through so much, and it's nice to know there's people like you out there willing to do anything to help somebody. You should be proud of yourself, and so should your partner. Do not let her walk over you any more. She needs to work on your relationship, and if she doesn't, I think you need to find somebody who deserves you.

vanessav

If your GF is putting away £100 a month for a pension; then she must have some understanding of making sacrifices today for a better tomorrow. It is the same with all of your studying. She needs to understand that you being temporary snowed-under with courses requires her to step up and do the stuff to help. It will create a better future for you both (if you stay together). She sounds very immature in her lack of empathy for the trauma you have suffered. I agree that counselling could help. I have read that the brain keeps reliving a trauma until it has 'integrated' or 'mastered' it. Then it can be stored away and stop hijacking you so much. So I am sure that it is normal to keep thinking about it and having a companion to help you through it will help (in this case sounds like it has to be a counsellor as your GF is not interested).