Can you ban someone from a funeral?

Tiddlywinks

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Yes it does matter - very much.

Why does it matter though?

As punishment to the person? To hurt someone? To prevent a scene?

In the bigger picture, the loved one will have passed away and nothing will change that.

Sharing public space with someone you disapprove of - for an hour maximum - is not that difficult.... and can be a positive way of moving on from the negativity you're harbouring for the person you'd like to exclude.

Mojisola

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

Sharing public space with someone you disapprove of - for an hour maximum - is not that difficult.... and can be a positive way of moving on from the negativity you're harbouring for the person you'd like to exclude.

This only works if all the people involved can behave like adults. If one person is going to be loudly objectionable and very vocal in their complaints against the deceased and/or living family members, it could make a funeral a dreadful occasion.

Tiddlywinks

Mojisola wrote: »

This only works if all the people involved can behave like adults. If one person is going to be loudly objectionable and very vocal in their complaints against the deceased and/or living family members, it could make a funeral a dreadful occasion.

There's no suggestion from the OP that this will happen though...

LannieDuck

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

Why does it matter though?

There are loads of reasons why it might matter - some form of abuse/assault being the obvious one.

Savvy_Sue

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

I am wondering if the same rules apply to a funeral at a Woodland Burial site as they are a private business and not a public place?

Again, I'd phone them and ask.

BTW, IMO it's absolutely fine if you don't want to disclose WHY someone wouldn't be welcome. And if you know (or suspect) that not everyone would be able to behave in a civil manner then ensuring that they don't attend is probably wise.

If something very serious is the issue, however, you could see if you could get an injunction? I don't know if you could get it in advance, or how it would work.

RuthnJasper

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

Why does it matter though?

As punishment to the person? To hurt someone? To prevent a scene?

In the bigger picture, the loved one will have passed away and nothing will change that.

Sharing public space with someone you disapprove of - for an hour maximum - is not that difficult.... and can be a positive way of moving on from the negativity you're harbouring for the person you'd like to exclude.

I completely understand what you say Tiddly - but PoppyO obviously does have some private concern which is none of our business. She's not a troll (as far as I know) and doesn't seem to be asking for spurious reasons.

As an aside, one of my friends got married last week (in a church, proper notices and banns posted, etc.). Two nights before the wedding, she rang me in a right state just after midnight, as she'd just received a Facebook message from an 'acquaintance' of her ne'er-do-well "father" declaring that said father would be arriving at the church door for the time of the wedding in order to "exercise his right" to walk her down the aisle. This person, whilst my friend's acknowledged biological father, was abusive both mentally and physically to her throughout her childhood and adolescence, putting her, her mother, and other family members in seriously-injured states requiring hospital stays.

Ultimately he was properly 'removed' from the picture and my friend's step-father (a decent chap, who was loving and supportive of my friend's mum in particular and the family in general) was asked by my friend to give her away at the ceremony. My poor friend, having rebuilt her life, was almost beside herself at the idea that her abuser would turn up at the churchyard and ruin her day.

In the event, the 'father' didn't dare to show himself (on being told that the local Rozzers, to whom he was well-known, had been warned that he might turn up and were prepared to "deal with him" if he DID appear, God bless them.) and it was a beautiful wedding.

Heaven forbid, but if it is anything along these lines (and no-one except PoppyO and her family needs to know about it), then I can well understand the concern.

I'm sure it'll be OK, PoppyO - as Savvy_Sue says - when the time comes for undertakers' involvement make your concerns known to them in full. They can be relied upon to help you in whatever way you need with discretion and respect.

Your family is very lucky to have someone who cares so deeply about its ailing members. Not everyone is lucky enough to have a PoppyO looking out for them. xxx

mrcow

Is the person in question dying or likely to die relatively soon?

If so, then all you can do is request a private ceremony and keep it that way. Bouncers and a clear instruction that they are not welcome should warn most people off.

If not, then really so much could happen before the inevitable. You never know, Mr/Mrs/Miss Unwanted could even have popped their clogs/moved on beforehand.

paddedjohn

After thinking long and hard ive decided that the only person I don't want at my funeral is me

duchy

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

Does it really matter? Really

The loved one will be gone... I know that sounds harsh and I don't mean it to be... only to state the bleedin' obvious... whether the unwanted person attends or doesn't attend, the loved one has moved onto another place.

There are bigger things to worry about and if the death of a loved one doesn't bring that into perspective then I don't know what will.

Of course it matters -funerals aren't for the dead -They are gone. They are for the living. If you are the sort of person whose presence would be even the possibility of objectionable or distressing to the mourners the decent thing to do would be to err on the side of caution and NOT go. To be the cause of causing further distress to the bereaved would be a disgusting thing to do and very disrespectful to the deceased.

Perhaps it "doesn't matter" to you Tiddlywinks- but it should.