Can you ban someone from a funeral?

POPPYOSCAR

Torry_Quine wrote: »

Just don't inform them of when the person dies and or when the funeral will take place. Of course they could find out from someone else and then there is not a lot you can do.

They would find out from someone else.

I am normally a reserved type of person but even I would flip if they were there.

How do famous people keep all and sundry away from their funerals, they seem to manage it!

POPPYOSCAR

elsien wrote: »

Looking at it from another perspective, we had ructions in our family over an elderly relative. If I had been asked not to attend (and the possibility was there), I would have gone regardless to say goodbye to my relative. On the grounds that my feelings and relationship to the deceased person were just as strong and valid as those next of kin who were organising the funeral.
Obviously how everyone feels very much depends on the circumstances and relationships in any particular situation, but if someone genuinely wants to say goodbye to a loved one at their funeral there are ways of managing it without causing a scene or further ill-feeling.
And if someone does want to find out when a funeral is, they can do so fairly easily by phoning round the crematorium, local funeral directors.
Regardless of the rights or wrongs, trying to ban someone isn't that straightforward.

Even if that person had told you they did not want you there?

Torry_Quine

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

They would find out from someone else.

I am normally a reserved type of person but even I would flip if they were there.

How do famous people keep all and sundry away from their funerals, they seem to manage it!

When the time comes just concentrate on yourself and if this person makes an appearance ignore them. It's not something to worry about now and may never happen

elsien

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Even if that person had told you they did not want you there?

Wouldn't have happened - it was the other relatives who may have been the issue.
However, hypothetically, it would depend on what their reasons were. If I thought they were only saying that to keep other relatives happy, not because they really didn't want me there, I may still have gone. As I say, it depends very much on circumstances and relationships. And whether the person you're trying to ban is out to cause trouble, or just doing what they think is right for them.
I avoided speaking to the relatives I had a difficult relationship with - as we all filed out, I did a detour round the back while they were thanking others for coming. Sometimes a low profile and managing a bad situation the best you can, and looking out for you and yours is the most you can realistically manage.

Tiddlywinks

Does it really matter? Really

The loved one will be gone... I know that sounds harsh and I don't mean it to be... only to state the bleedin' obvious... whether the unwanted person attends or doesn't attend, the loved one has moved onto another place.

There are bigger things to worry about and if the death of a loved one doesn't bring that into perspective then I don't know what will.

POPPYOSCAR

elsien wrote: »

Wouldn't have happened - it was the other relatives who may have been the issue.
However, hypothetically, it would depend on what their reasons were. If I thought they were only saying that to keep other relatives happy, not because they really didn't want me there, I may still have gone. As I say, it depends very much on circumstances and relationships. And whether the person you're trying to ban is out to cause trouble, or just doing what they think is right for them.
I avoided speaking to the relatives I had a difficult relationship with - as we all filed out, I did a detour round the back while they were thanking others for coming. Sometimes a low profile and managing a bad situation the best you can, and looking out for you and yours is the most you can realistically manage.

No it has nothing to do with other relatives not wanting them there, some of them would as all they care about is appearances.

They have been told they would not be wanted there because that is feelings of the person concerned.

RuthnJasper

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

The person concerned is still alive.

They have asked me to make sure a certain person does not attend, I fully understand why and I feel the same.

I can understand your question, and the reasoning behind it, PoppyO.

I believe (happy to be proved wrong, if so) that one of the original reasons for "ushers" at a wedding was so that there were trusted, reliable friends prepared to wait at the church door, in case anyone uninvited turned up looking for a ruckus.

I'm not sure if courts could grant a restraining order against the individual(s) concerned in your specific case, but it might be worth having a few trusted and reliable "ushers" outside the church/chapel/crematorium/other venue. NOT to start trouble, or to continue trouble started by others, give the unwanted person(s) a judicious butt-whipping OR create any unpleasant scenes at all.

Just some (preferably impartial) sensible and trustworthy friends who can be relied upon to hover outside and keep the ne'er-do-wells at bay in a firm - but polite and respectful - manner.

And, if the "undesirables" do manage to gain entry, tell them that the occasion is not about them, it's about commemorating and celebrating the life of the deceased - who probably deserves a better send-off than the likes of 'xyz' forcing entry when they've been asked not to attend and squabbling over the late-lamented's body.

Whatever happens OP, best wishes to you. xx

Savvy_Sue

RuthnJasper wrote: »

I believe (happy to be proved wrong, if so) that one of the original reasons for "ushers" at a wedding was so that there were trusted, reliable friends prepared to wait at the church door, in case anyone uninvited turned up looking for a ruckus.

Weddings legally have to be open - when DH was the 'authorised person' for our church the ceremony had to be held in the hours of daylight, with the doors unlocked.

so technically you can't keep anyone out, so that no-one can be prevented from saying that there IS some reason why the couple can't marry, if there is a reason.

However, there's no such question asked at a funeral.

I'd phone the funeral directors and ask their advice.

POPPYOSCAR

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

Does it really matter? Really

The loved one will be gone... I know that sounds harsh and I don't mean it to be... only to state the bleedin' obvious... whether the unwanted person attends or doesn't attend, the loved one has moved onto another place.

There are bigger things to worry about and if the death of a loved one doesn't bring that into perspective then I don't know what will.

Yes it does matter - very much.

POPPYOSCAR

I am wondering if the same rules apply to a funeral at a Woodland Burial site as they are a private business and not a public place?