Can you ban someone from a funeral?

POPPYOSCAR

I have read that you can stop them from entering a crematorium but not a church?

Anyone experienced this or have any knowledge.

Thank you.

NAR

Both are public places and people cannot be banned. All that can be done is request the person(s) do not attend as it will cause offence and hope that request is respected.

bongonaut

NAR is quite right about not being able to exclude people from public buildings, and 'banning' folk only tends to make a bad situation worse.

It isn't always possible of course, but differences can sometimes be put aside just for the duration of the funeral service. The affected parties can then go their separate ways afterwards having paid their repsects but without having to speak to each other.

POPPYOSCAR

It is the wish of someone and they feel very strongly about it.

They have told the person concerned they do not want them there but they have said they will still go.

I feel it important that the wishes of the person concerned are respected and I intend to do whatever I can in this respect.

Thrillho

It is very easy to focus anger towards someone you don't like when you are grieving.

My uncles second wife wanted to "ban" his first wife and her family from his funeral. We all told second wife that she was being ridiculous and very selfish as his children (all from the first marriage) needed the support from both sides of their family on the day. So they all attended the funeral, stayed away from the second wife for the duration and that was that.

A funeral is about people saying goodbye to the deceased, not petty squabbles between the living. Unless the deceased emphasized they really did not want the person at their funeral or the person was involved in some terrible crime against the deceased/close family of the deceased I'd say just leave it.

pukkamum

My mil banned dhs dad from her dads funeral even though they were great friends, he stayed away so as not to cause a scene but was terribly upset, she on the other hand insisted on attending his mothers funeral even though she made her hatred of her known and had completely ignored her when they passed on the street a week earlier.
She then proceeded to sob loudly all the way through!
Funerals are for the living to grieve regardless of anyone elses feelings.

duchy

My brother didn't want my cousin at our Mother's funeral. He had good reason -she had upset my Mum badly by bringing up a topic with her at a family get together despite both my brother and I seperately telling him to avoid the topic with her -as we knew due to her state of health at the time it was too close to the mark.

Lucky me got to deal with the other cousins - his brothers and sisters who were attending-and disagreed with my brother's decision.
I told him we didn't have a date for the funeral yet -and persuaded his siblings not to tell him where or when it was -as he'd have shown up regardless. It added an awful lot of stress for me to an already difficult situation but probably a better scenario than my brother blowing up at him at the funeral or after....or worse deciding to remove him before the service.

Families eh !!

securityguy

http://www.itv.com/jeremykyle/be-a-guest/

POPPYOSCAR

The person concerned is still alive.

They have asked me to make sure a certain person does not attend, I fully understand why and I feel the same.

Torry_Quine

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

The person concerned is still alive.

They have asked me to make sure a certain person does not attend, I fully understand why and I feel the same.

Just don't inform them of when the person dies and or when the funeral will take place. Of course they could find out from someone else and then there is not a lot you can do.

elsien

Looking at it from another perspective, we had ructions in our family over an elderly relative. If I had been asked not to attend (and the possibility was there), I would have gone regardless to say goodbye to my relative. On the grounds that my feelings and relationship to the deceased person were just as strong and valid as those next of kin who were organising the funeral.
Obviously how everyone feels very much depends on the circumstances and relationships in any particular situation, but if someone genuinely wants to say goodbye to a loved one at their funeral there are ways of managing it without causing a scene or further ill-feeling.
And if someone does want to find out when a funeral is, they can do so fairly easily by phoning round the crematorium, local funeral directors.
Regardless of the rights or wrongs, trying to ban someone isn't that straightforward.