Shamus dfw diary- a long long road

SortingIt_2

Good evening,

Thats excellent news on the snowballing - its within the 4 year plan which is excellent and I have no doubt what so ever that you will be free of it before then!

Day off work today which was nice, OH off and we just chilled out watching few dvd's and then a nice countryside walk to blow away some cobwebs.

Paid off Debenhams card in full - yippee!! Only £375 but at least it is one completely gone and done and dusted - feels like I have been trying to clear it for so long! Now onto the next, Halifax just over £3000, aim is to clear this before christmas whilst maintaining all other payments aswell.

Ex hasn't paid up - will deal with that over the week. A trip to his parents house if he doesnt answer my calls or texts.

Right better get back to sorting flat, kitchen full of dishes after dinner to be washed and don't think I can face them at 5am in the morning! xx

shamu95

Morning- had a bad night last night. never got my free night out as had to work due to 2 people not coming in as they had plane tickets to collect??? and one person just walking off shift-end result finished at 3:45 this morn.

Had a major row with Oh before i went to work-told him i didnt want to be here and to be honest i didnt. He wants me to stop putting my mess before everything else and to be a proper mum.

Really really upset me.Never have i felt so bad-i really wanted to end it but i dont wanna. I just want some support from him- and i doubt i wil get the money transferred now.

Oh has told me that i either cut my hours or cope without getting tired and stressed. Dont know how to do it alone (i know im not completly alone) i am going to speak to the doctor tomorrow though as i hate being on such a short fuse and i hate bursting into tears over nothing.

Sorting it-well done on clearing a debt! Im certain you'll get that halifax cleared in no time.
Glad you enjoyed a day off-you deserve that after all the extra hours you've been putting in.xx

SortingIt_2

Good afternoon,

I am sorry to hear that you had a bad night last night. When is your doctors appointment?

I don't understand why your OH doesn't realise with a little support from him it would really help the situation? Has he said much more today? How he can expect you to cope without being tired I don't know .... you work abnormal hours and have 2 children to look after too!! If you don't mind me asking, what hours does he work?

Re the stress - it is a combination of everything that is making you stressed. I think the best thing for you to do is go to the docs if you feel it is overwhelming you know and sit down and try and work out a plan for everything so you have something to stick to (i will have a good look at your SOA again tonight see if I can make any suggestions) and go from there. Once there is more structure I would imagine you will feel better and it can take a back burner for a while until you feel a little more settled - any further in cashing in your savings? I really think this will make a big difference in freeing up some spare cash towards payments.

xxxx

shamu95

I wish i could make Oh understand- the argument started as id left my mail on the cabinet and heaven forbid the paper aswell-so he said i was a slob and lazy.
at docs at 2:50 tomorrow-i know i need to go but im sure its more sleep than anything else or at least i hope so.
Havent heard at all from OH today and i didnt expect to- i asked him for a hug before he went to work and he said nah you're ok.
Oh works mon-fri. Mn & FRi its 5am-3pm the others is 6am to 3pm.
i am having a week off work 23rd july so hopefully that should help me out.

SortingIt_2

Blimey if your OH came into my flat he would probably end up passing out - paperwork everywhere! Sometimes we just don't get time to sort it as I am sure is the case with you, and so what if it was lying around it's your home too!!!

I would imagine, infact I am positive it is just sheer exhaustion and stress for you my dear and everything might just be getting a little too much. A week off will be good for you, try and get some proper you time aswell I think you need it.

Am I getting it right that you guys work alternate shifts - I think I remeber you saying you work through eve etc? Any chance you guys can change shifts?? So you can do the day shifts and he the night - get you back into some kind of life and routine?? Just a suggestion, although you may prefer your shifts but he may realise then having the kids at home is like a full time job too and you have them all day etc and then work all night. Apologies if I am speaking out of terms, I am just thinking of you as worried you might be doing too much. Run passed me again what hours you work?

How is the e-bay items you posted coming along? Any more sales?

xxxxx

shamu95

how many times do you think i and i might add my collegues have tried to get him to swap even for a week so he would understand? he wont do it- not even for charity fundraising as many collegues want to see him work an evening shift as he quick to critise yet never done 1. I have also asked him if i could do the late late night closes fri& sat which would mean i start work at 8pm and fin at 4 or 5am but he said no as he would have no social life then.
He also says that i wanted the kids so i should be prepared to change- which i am.
Only 18mths before i can work sociable hours again. That is also why i cant get promotion as OH wont change shifts and i'm a mother first.
At the mo i work mon 4-11pm Tues- thurs 4-close (about 2am but varies) then sat 6-3 and extra sun 6-3. obv playgroup on a tues 9:15-12:15. and extra as and when along with the other stuff.
9 out of 12 items are selling on ebay but not for much but better than nothing.
I dont want anyone to worry- but if someone could wave a magic wand and get OH to understand why i am tired etc i would be eternally grateful.xx

SortingIt_2

Right, I understand that you are a mum first but it works both ways... he is a dad!!!?? Surley he should sacrifice a little of his life too - so what if he doesn't get to go out every fri and sat night?? Or his social life stops - thats what happens when you have children and priorities change, surely it was his decision too! Sorry it just makes me mad when he could just do one little thing like change a shift to help you out and won't because of his social life?? Seem wrong to me, give and take in a relationship. Sorry I am not having a go as don't know the man but it seems unfair on you. Yes you have debt etc but you are in a relationship and its not like you are asking him for any money just a little help and support.

Right ranting over - apologies if I went too far. It is not surprising you are so tired with the varied hours that you do, your body clock must be totally out of sink. On average how much sleep a night do you think you get??

I really don't know what to suggest. I think the visit to the docs is a good move and then speaking to OH - do you think writing it all down so he can see how he is really making you feel will help?? Or is he not that way inclined?

Keep smiling - things will get easier.... they must!! xx

SortingIt_2

Good morning,

How you doing today?

Have looked at your SOA and I can only assume that you have more money some month due to OT etc that is keeping you on top of your payments.

Re essential outgoings.... are you any further on stopping pension? Gym? How about savings as the extra £40 a month would help not to mention what you have in savings being paid off something!

Your income protection - have you checked your policy to see exactly what it really covers? Is it really necessary as I looked into some and unless I paid a reasonable fee I really wasn't covered by much at all! Might be worth thinking about.

Also I have forgotten - but what is your emergency fund?

Anyway better get back to work, hope you are feeling better. Hope that the docs goes ok today. xx

shamu95

afternoon all- im really stroppy today am so so tired- think it will be pro plus tonight.
I recon i get an average of 5 hours a night over the past couple of months. Which would be fine if some nights i got more than 2 or 3 they normally few and far between just seem a lot of them nights recently tho.
Income protection covers me for a wage if i cant work for over 30days. and i only started that recently so i could get rid of all payment protection. In light of the fact that i massively struggled when ill i am totally not budging on that expense.
Emergency fund is my savings that has a grand total of £9 in there at the minute.
Positive note- everything on ebay has sold. No idea of exact money earned but def over £50 so am well chuffed there. Must get more on.
Have had an offer off sil to look after my son whilst my eldest is at school if i want to work days,not sure if i would be better off financially but am going to try and figure it out.
Think that i have managed to keep on top of payments due to bank charges being claimed and my birthday money mainly.

hope you well.xx

SortingIt_2

Stroppy is a good sign of being tired - I am like it a lot due to the travel etc!
Hope you are feeling better.
Excellent on the old e-bay - def put up some more posts there!
Hope docs went ok.