MIL in residential home

good_advice

Some lovely replies here

My idea's that no one has said - tissues pen and note book. Bath mat.

If she is on the ground floor a bird house outside her window with nuts and seeds.

Errata

Debbie - if you know what toiletries brands your MIL uses but you can't get at them, buy some replacements for her. Tesco value stuff is deeply depressing.
I made scrap books for both my oldies when they moved into residential care, they're easy to browse through when concentration is shot.
If you're going to visit at least once a week, keep an eye on her clothing and chuck back at the staff any that isn't hers. Underwear and socks are the things that seem to emigrate to outer space, so make sure she always has a good supply even if you have to stock up at Primark.
Does she wear glasses? When where her eyes last tested? She may need them now, or her current ones may need to be changed. Prepare for them to go walkabout too!
What's her footwear like? Is it adequate - check this with home
manager.
Don't buy towels, the home will have lots, and definitely don't buy a bath mat or take in a rug - they pose significant dangers for older people !
Check with the home if she can have any of her own furniture eg occasional table, a small visitors chair.
She's lost interest in the telly? This might be temporary whilst she's settling in, but do make sure she can easily remember how to use the remote and take her the Radio Times every week so she can find out what's on if she wants to.
Some homes will have bird tables in the garden, but many don't because they can ecourage vermin.
As she's had her hip replaced, her chair at home may no longer be suitable but the home will ensure she has the right armchair.
Has the family contributed to her Care Plan, if so how will it be monitoed and reviewed?
If I can think of anything else I post again.

DebbieR

Thanks for all the really great advice. Errata, I know what you mean about the TV remote, she had problems even at home remembering how to use one, she's not in the least technically minded. She had a very basic mobile phone which was never used because "it's a waste of electricity charging it up" lol.

She's wearing slippers at the moment because her legs and feet are very swollen so the shoe issue isn't a problem.

I have no idea about her Care Plan, part of the problems we've had with step FIL is that he doesn't want anyone else involved in "his wife's" care. We all went to a family meeting with her social worker while she was still in hospital and he made it quite clear to the rest of the family that it was his business and nobody else's. I don't know whether it's his pride that's stopping him from accepting help or whether he feels we're prying. The home knows the situation though, so my SIL is kept in the loop if there's any problem.

kingfisherblue

What about a china cup and saucer or mug? My mum is almost 80 and much prefers to drink out of a china cup. She also likes green tea, so maybe something nice for her to drink.

Also, I would hate the thought of other people using my face flannels, so what about a couple of weeks worth? That way, if you are visiting weekly, you can leave clean ones for her to use, and take the used ones for washing instead of leaving them for the home to wash. She could pop them into scented nappy bags during the week to prevent any odours when they are a couple of days old.

A notepad and pen would be handy, then if she needs anything she can write it down for you - better than trying to remember when you visit.

On the days you visit, you could take in a good homemade soup or something similar. I know it isn't quite the same thing, but when friends of mine were staying in hospital with their young daughter, they were delighted when I brought in veggie soup as it was better than hospital food.

A pack of cards might be handy if she enjoys a game of patience, or wants to play card games with other residents. A large print pack would be a good idea, as many residents are likely to have poor eyesight.

Does she knit, do puzzles and crosswords, or enjoy jigsaws?

What about an address book, calendar and a selection of notecards, birthday cards, envelopes and stamps so that she can keep in touch with family members or friends?

Would she like a nice lamp by her bedside?

Does she have enough coat hangers? A decent mirror?

DebbieR

Wow kingfisherblue, you've given me plenty of ideas there! Coat hangers are definitely a good idea. Not sure about the soup, I'll have to see what the arrangements are for reheating stuff. She loves my home made spag bol so I could take some of that. She used to knit a lot years ago but I don't know whether knitting needles might be a bit of a safety hazard? I've just bought a lovely pack of vintage style notebooks from Home Bargains so I'll take one round tomorrow.

Perryl_2

As others have said, have a word with the home to make sure with what they do and don't mind. My mum manages a home and encourages families to make rooms as homely as possible. One resident was more at home in his office than at home, so the family turned part of it into an office-style space for him. Another lady was a huge collector of china dolls and they were all put into her room on proper stands and in cabinets. As long as she feels at home there, I think there is very little limitations on what any home would say you can and can't do.

There's no issue with knitting needles, at worst they put it in the care plan as a risk assessment, but plenty of those living within the home my mum runs spend part of their day knitting. One of the residents quite often knits things for the staff, for fundraising events etc. She even taught a couple of the staff how to knit!

Perhaps some nice pictures for the walls, paintings as well as photos. The home will usually get the handyman to put them up for you where you want them without fuss. I think other than that, most of what has already been said are fabulous suggestions. I'll pop back on if I think of anything else for you!

podperson

My grandma was in a home for about 6 months. We got her some pretty fleece type blankets which she really liked as they could be thrown over the bed to brighten the room a bit or she could have it across her lap if she was a bit chilly.

Also she loved plants and flowers so she had a pot plant for the room and a vase for when people brought her flowers in. A few of her favourite ornaments from home and her bedside clock. What kind of thing does she like? Could look at books, music, puzzle books etc. My grandma had never been a big fan of the radio either but she did start listening to the little one we brought in as when she got a bit confused she didn't like it being 'too quiet'.

Clothes-wise, some clean nighties and a cosy dressing gown were really useful. Also lots of 'basics' like undies and socks. I think someone has mentioned above but do keep an eye on them as well, things do tend to wander off and other random items appear!

We would take her a few snacky foods like biscuits and choccies. I would perhaps check with the home though before taking her proper meals as I know in the ones she was in the staff would check and record how much she was eating for her meals to make sure they were having enough etc.

azzabazza

My Mum had to go into a care home at the beginning of this year due to dementia. She hadn't knitted for years but I took her some wool from my stash and I bought several pairs of knitting needles from a charity shop. She tends to only knit in garter stitch strips but she says she finds it calming! The care home have what they call 'knit and natter' once a week which she seems to enjoy.

pmlindyloo

I would second the knitting.

My mum is 91 and in a nursing home. Knitting keeps her busy and truly has a calming effect.

Just a 'heads up' about iron on labels. We've been advised not to use them as they come off in their industrial sixed washing machines! If your MIL has any cardies that are hand wash only then you need to take them home and wash them yourself as homes haven't the time to hand wash and they get bunged in the washing machine.

Also re: the TV. Remotes can be a big problem. Also if she has hearing problems she may like to be introduced to the sub title button Sometimes they find it embarrassing to have it on really loud so don't put it on at all!

kingfisherblue

I know it's a bit pricey, but another idea is a Kindle with plenty of books on. You can adjust the size of the print, so it is easier for her to read. I've had mine for almost two years, and the only two books I have paid for were Life of Pi (20p), and a book by Robert Swindells (£3.79, for my son for school - not enough books to go round, so he can take in his Kindle when they are reading).

You could download a number of books, and MIL would only need to turn the pages. You can add more books and just have them downloaded when you're in a wifi area.