MIL in residential home

DebbieR

My 87 ear old MIL has had to go into a residential home following complications with a hip replacement op. My step FIL is 86 and can't cope as she is incontinent and needs help walking/getting up from her chair etc. She's also become a little confused since the op, for example, she sometimes thinks she's at home and asks us to fetch things from the kitchen, bedroom etc. She also forgets she can't stand without help so has had two falls in a week(not serious thankfully.)

It looks like she's going to be in there for the long haul, if not permanently, so I was looking for ideas for things I could take in for her to make it more "homely". Unfortunately we can't access her belongings because my step FIL won't let anyone into their house(long story, family niggles going back to before I married my OH!) and he's convinced that she'll only be in there temporarily so doesn't need anything from home.

I've taken her flowers and a plant and we're going through our photos so we can get a few printed and framed for her. She can't read at the moment because the home has lost her reading glasses and the off the shelf pair I bought for her give her eye strain, so she's having to wait for my FIL to order her a prescription pair.

Does anyone have any suggestions as to what I could take in to make her feel better? She's been in about three weeks now and she's getting a bit down.(although she did perk up a bit last night when we turned up with a Chinese takeaway!)

lika_86

Does she have a radio? Or maybe a CD player and audio books?

DebbieR

We asked her if she wanted a radio bringing in, but she said not to bother as they never listen to the radio at home, so she wasn't going to start now!. I could take one in for her though, it might help having a bit of background noise. She has got a small TV but she doesn't bother with it, which is strange because she was addicted to Emmerdale and Corrie before she went into hospital and she did always watch a lot of daytime TV, but she doesn't seem to be able to concentrate for long enough nowadays.

loulou123

How about a nice throw for her bed, or a cushion, if you know what tolietries she uses get some of those as they might be more comforting as they are familiar, photos are good, as is the above suggestion of a cd player for music and talking books.

How about ornaments, or a rug...

I work in a care home and we literally let relatives bring in anything to brighten up a loved ones room - eg a favourite chair, curtains etc.

building_with_lego

With regard to the confusion and concentration issue, has she been tested for a urine infection? I know they can cause this sort of symptom in older people.

How about magazines and photo albums? Familiar smells: toiletries as loulou ^ says, perfumes/ air fresheners that she used at home? Aftershave FIL uses? Anything familiar would help.

DebbieR

Thanks Loulou, I didn't think of toiletries. I noticed yesterday in her bathroom she only has Tesco value toothpaste and shower gel, so I'll get her something a bit nicer. I know she has got lots of good stuff at home that's she's been bought for Christmas, Mother's Day etc but I can't get hold of it. The same with scarves and accessories. Her OH says "Oh, she doesn't need all that stuff" but I don't think men understand. I'd be lost without my makeup and smellies.

BTW, you said you work in a care home, I think you all do a brilliant job. I didn't realise half of what carers do in their day-to-day jobs until I experienced it first hand. My MIL thinks her carers are all fab.

DebbieR

building_with_lego wrote: »

With regard to the confusion and concentration issue, has she been tested for a urine infection? I know they can cause this sort of symptom in older people.

How about magazines and photo albums? Familiar smells: toiletries as loulou ^ says, perfumes/ air fresheners that she used at home? Aftershave FIL uses? Anything familiar would help.

A urine infection was the start of the problem for my MIL. She fell at home, FIL wasn't strong enough pick her up so he rang for an ambulance(despite having two family members who could have been round in five minutes :doh:) and she was tested and found to have a urine infection which was making her dizzy. She wasn't actually hurt from the fall but they kept her in overnight just for observation. She then managed to fall out of bed in the hospital and break her hip!

She's been confused ever since, even though the water infection has been treated, but apparently this is common after an operation with elderly people.

loulou123

If you take smellies in, I'd suggest you write name or room number on them somewhere in permanent marker, as hopefully that'll enable staff to keep track of them if take out of room for bathing etc.

If you hadn't already done it, try putting her name somewhere on her new glasses when they arrive (some opticians will even engrave it on,) unfortunately glasses do have a habit of being misplaced in care homes (they usually turn up again, at some point - you wouldnt believe the places I've found them.

Can I just say a big THANK YOU, for your kind words, as carers are not often recognized for the hard work they put in, so it was very nice to read

DebbieR

I'll take a marker in with me next time. They've marked all her clothes anyway apart from a couple which didn't have labels in to mark so I've dug out some iron on ones that I used to use for the kids' PE kits and done them myself. It's weird, you just finish looking after your kids, them you have to start on your parents lol.

gingin_2

I've just been to visit my Grandmother this morning at hers. She's been there almost 3 years ( I think) and will never leave and has made it very homely.

She has her own armchair from home, chest of drawers, bedspread and blanket, a little rug by the side of her bed. She's got a pine shelf about 4 shelves high, with lots of cards, photos and books. She's got tins of biscuits, chocolates and lots and lots of pot plants on a little table from home, she's got prints on her wall. I'd make sure she's comfy with her pillow and bed covers as we all have such different preferences and what they supply might not be what she is used to. Does she have her own telephone line? At my Grandmother's home they are allowed on but it needs to be installed independently, the home don't deal with it.

I am sorry you can't access some of her personal things. I know my Grandmother couldn't accept at first that this was home for the long run but she does now and is very content there. I know my Grandmother found it hard letting other people do her washing, particularly her underwear and she started hiding it, which the family didn't realise until they found it in the back of the cupboard.

DebbieR

Gingin, thanks for such a positive reply. I'm glad your grandmother has settled in well, it gives me hope for my MIL. I'm going to try to encourage my FIL to start bringing bits and pieces from home for her. I didn't realise you had so much scope as to what you could bring from home.