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Advice please.....

vodkachick68
Posts: 758 Forumite
I have posted about this subject a few months back,i just feel I need some advice from any posters that have been in a similar position. I am also NOT looking to end the relationship,just some advice.
I have been with my boyfriend for 14 months now and we love each other to bits. He has been separated for 3 and a half years and I came out of my marriage in April 2012. He had two kids aged 14 and 16 and I have two aged 17 and 13. He has met my kids on a handful of occasions and gets on well with them. I have yet to meet his kids or family (which consists of mum and dad and one brother) this is where I struggle a bit. We have had quite a few discussions and he says it will happen in time and as the relationship develops, and wants us to enjoy one anothers company before introducing them to me. He is very protective of his kids and wants us to forge a good relationship and be rock solid before meeting them.
He does have old fashion values and I respect that. He doesn't want them meeting a string of girlfriends and I can understand that. Thing is I sometimes struggle with this especially as I see other people playing happy families.
We do both want a future together and if anything I move a little bit fast whereas he moves a lot slower.
Any advice is welcome.
Thanks
I have been with my boyfriend for 14 months now and we love each other to bits. He has been separated for 3 and a half years and I came out of my marriage in April 2012. He had two kids aged 14 and 16 and I have two aged 17 and 13. He has met my kids on a handful of occasions and gets on well with them. I have yet to meet his kids or family (which consists of mum and dad and one brother) this is where I struggle a bit. We have had quite a few discussions and he says it will happen in time and as the relationship develops, and wants us to enjoy one anothers company before introducing them to me. He is very protective of his kids and wants us to forge a good relationship and be rock solid before meeting them.
He does have old fashion values and I respect that. He doesn't want them meeting a string of girlfriends and I can understand that. Thing is I sometimes struggle with this especially as I see other people playing happy families.
We do both want a future together and if anything I move a little bit fast whereas he moves a lot slower.
Any advice is welcome.
Thanks
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Comments
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Ive never met my brothers gf and neither has my mum and theyve been together about 6 years now. Which may sound strange but hes a very private person. She knows who I am, as my mum and I have been to watch him play football and shes been there and shes also liked posts Ive made on other facebook groups.
It doesnt affect my relationship with my brother, it doesnt affect the relationship my brother has with my mum. Ive also had boyfriends that my brother has never met. We go out for meals now and then but we dont socialise together, he has his set of friends and me mine, so unless he met me and someone I was seeing in the passing I dont even discuss anyone Im dating with him.
Theres a difference between playing happy families I think and having a happy family.
Also, I can absolutely understand why he hasnt introduced you to his kids yet, he wants to make sure the relationship is going to last before he does and given that his kids have been through their parents separation, I think thats very wise.0 -
Ive never met my brothers gf and neither has my mum and theyve been together about 6 years now. Which may sound strange but hes a very private person. She knows who I am, as my mum and I have been to watch him play football and shes been there and shes also liked posts Ive made on other facebook groups.
It doesnt affect my relationship with my brother, it doesnt affect the relationship my brother has with my mum. Ive also had boyfriends that my brother has never met. We go out for meals now and then but we dont socialise together, he has his set of friends and me mine, so unless he met me and someone I was seeing in the passing I dont even discuss anyone Im dating with him.
Theres a difference between playing happy families I think and having a happy family.
Also, I can absolutely understand why he hasnt introduced you to his kids yet, he wants to make sure the relationship is going to last before he does and given that his kids have been through their parents separation, I think thats very wise.0 -
Hi op you have posted similar threads about this problem over the last six months, and have been offered advice, have things not progressed any since then?
https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/44866010 -
19lottie82 wrote: »Hi op you have posted similar threads about this problem over the last six months, and have been offered advice, have things not progressed any since then?
https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/44866010 -
Have you reached the time limit you mentioned you'd set yourself in your last thread?Accept your past without regret, handle your present with confidence and face your future without fear0
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It's obviously niggling you & I think he is behaving quite oddly keeping his life so compartmentalised.
Question is are you happy to be sidelined indefinately?Try to be a rainbow in someone's cloud.0 -
Maybe he is waiting for his divorce to be finalised before progressing things to the next step.... sensible.DEBTFREE AND PROUD!!0
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It's obviously niggling you & I think he is behaving quite oddly keeping his life so compartmentalised.
Question is are you happy to be sidelined indefinately?
I dont think its odd at all. Ive dated men who were divorced, I didnt meet their kids, nor did I expect to
I think its totally realistic that someone knows if a relationship is going to last before they introduce a new partner.
You are having a relationship with him, not his extended family. If the OP was at the stage of getting married then I might think yes, theres something amiss
But I assume these kids were probably hurt due to the relationship breakdown. Sensible
As for meeting someones parents, that would be the very last thing I would care about
Ive been in long term relationships where my partner was welcome at my house, family house, but their family was very insular.
Its only as big a deal as you make it.0 -
My partner of almost two years still hasn't met my father - he lives the other end of the country and although we talk on the phone, work and money issues have meant I've just not seen him. However, my father knows about my partner, and I talk about my partner with my father.
My partner has met my mother. It was horrible - she's not the nicest woman in the world and she did her usual trick of belittling me and generally being mean. I was worried my partner would think I would end up like her, but instead it's actually helped him understand some of my hang-ups better.
You don't mention if your partner's family even know you exist. Meeting up can be a big thing, and he may even be a little embarrassed of his family and not want you to see them in the same way I didn't particularly want my partner to meet my mother (a family emergency forced the issue in the end). As other posters have said, physically meeting isn't a big issue, but personally I would be very worried if he is keeping your existence a secret from them.0 -
I can understand people not wanting to introduce kids to new partners to begin with; maybe even for the first 4 to 6 months together... but I think still holding off introducing the new partner to your kids after 14 months is very unreasonable, and frankly a bit worrying...
People are coming up with stories of how their parents have never met their partner, after 2 years or more, which I find very odd, even if there is a bit of a distance. I can understand both sets of parents not meeting for a while if there is distance between the families, but your parents not meeting your partner after several years; strikes me as rather odd.
I would worry about a man who seems reluctant to let you meet his children after 14 months! I would question it definately, as it would sound to me that he is not too serious about the relationship with me.0
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