Advice please.....

paulineb_2

But every family is different. What seems odd to some people wont seem odd to another.

I think really the OP has to ask her partner if and when shes going to meet the kids and take it from there.

Lou67

Just giving my opinion. It wouldn't do for me at all. Not having met my OH's family/parents/kids after one and a half years or more wouldn't sit well with me.

burnoutbabe

Does he never see his parents/brother without his kids around? I'd expect to meet them at some function before the kids as i could understand the kid reason for not meeting more than other people in his life.

Have you met his mates? Work colleagues? If I had met no one, i'd be very suspicious.

marisco_2

Your partner appears to have a need to feel totally secure within your relationship, before he can consider introducing you to his children. There could be a number of valid reasons for him being so cautious. Part of his approach comes down to him not wanting them to meet a string of girlfriends, which I think is something to be respected. He may be a slow burn kind of guy who takes his time to get to know someone, feel able to place trust and consider a partnership to be rock solid. His past experiences in relationships could have had an impact on how he feels about his judgements now and may have made him extra careful.

His children might have been very negatively effected by the breakdown of his previous relationship. As a loving and responsible dad he may be going out of his way to avoid that happening again. They are at tricky ages and his priority at this time may be to look out for their welfare and keep their lives stable and balanced. My advice is to focus on and enjoy the relationship between the two of you for now and not worry about meeting the children or extended family. See how things evolve over the next few months and then raise the possibility of moving things forward again then.

74jax

vodkachick68 wrote: »

I have got a time limit in my head as a guideline so will wait till that time and then will seriously have to think again about this relationship. Its easier said than done as i really love him.

So what happened to this serious thinking plan?

zzzLazyDaisy

He loves YOU, that doesn't necessarily mean that he wants to merge your two families. Some men have a remarkable capacity for compartmentalising their lives and putting different parts/people in different boxes in a way that women tend not to do in quite the same way (apologies for generalising).

Are you in any way concerned that he may still be involved with his former wife, or ambivalent about the ending of his marriage? Do you feel insecure about the fact that he is shutting you out of part of his life? Are you allowed to phone him at home, or does he shut you out when he is not with you?

In other words - is it not meeting his children/family that bothers you, or the that you feel he is not willing to commit to you in the same way as you are willing to commit to him?

meritaten

I would think if you have been a couple for over a year then its time to introduce you to the kids. The thing that worries me is - you say your boyfriend is 'separated'. is he waiting for the divorce to be final? is he getting divorced - or just 'separated'. because the word 'separated' means different things to different people.

Tenyearstogo

If I was a teenager and knew my dad had been seeing someone for over a year And I hadn't met them, I'd think that

• There was something wrong with her
• Something wrong with me
• She was imaginary

I don't think this is you moving too fast. He's holding back for some reason.

FBaby

This thread is very similar to the one about the OP's partner not going ahead with divorcing and providing no more explanation for it then 'it will happen in time'.

Whatever the reasons, valid or not, the issue is that the above response is not good enough. It is not an explanation for doing something that doesn't seem logical to most and that is what will unnerve and create tensions.

zzzLazyDaisy

Tenyearstogo wrote: »

If I was a teenager and knew my dad had been seeing someone for over a year And I hadn't met them, I'd think that

• There was something wrong with her
• Something wrong with me
• She was imaginary

I don't think this is you moving too fast. He's holding back for some reason.

It is highly likely that the teenager does not known that her father is seeing someone.