My Partner said she has lost her feelings for me - what can I do?

fashionlover10

Don't forget all those little things like telling her she looks beautiful/her perfume smells nice/that new jumper suits her etc. Those things don't take much but I know a lot of women who would really appreciate hearing them.

paulineb_2

Im not surprised there are some issues if youve had sex a handful of times over a 2 year period. Im aware some people have a lower sex drive than others, but what you have been having is basically a platonic relationship.

The thing is, sex hasnt been naturally happening and even though your working hours have increased lately, you dont work 7 days a week I presume.

I hope you can work it out but I think you might have a tough job ahead because how can you explain not wanting to have sex with your partner for 2 years?

Its a long time to be without a physical relationship. How could you think that having hardly any sex over that period of time wouldnt affect you both and affect your relationship?

If she hadnt said anything what would have happened?

meritaten

I agree with balletshoes - I don't think your relationship is broken beyond repair, but, you will need to work hard to fix it.
you need to regain the closeness you once had and unless you are psychic your partner needs to help you realise how to do this. so TALK! ask her what she loved about your dating days, what she liked (and didn't like) about your early years together.
You cannot recreate them - but you can recapture some of the feelings if you can both work together on this.
I don't think its just the lack of sex - for most women its the feeling of being loved and cherished which comes WITH the sex.
I do wish you both, luck and happiness and hope you can get it together again.

DiiFMaritime

Thank you all for replying with advices and being supportive. I will continue to work on it and stay positive:)

paulineb wrote: »

Its a long time to be without a physical relationship. How could you think that having hardly any sex over that period of time wouldnt affect you both and affect your relationship?

My problem was that I wasn't thinking and that's what led to this . I totally accept it is my fault my relationship is where it is now and if only I had a time machine.......I have now learnt my lesson which has been and still is very painful to bear but as they say, no pain no gain - just hope the gain is a stronger relationship by the end of this:o

tea_lover

DiiFMaritime wrote: »

I totally accept it is my fault my relationship is where it is now and if only I had a time machine.......

It's great that you're taking responsibility and that you want to improve your relationship. Just remember that it takes two - two of you to get to where you are now, and two of you to improve things again.

Your OH also needs to take responsibility for not communicating her issues sooner. I do this too - get quietly more and more annoyed at my OH for something he has no idea is even a problem.

I think making time to really communicate with each other again will work wonders - probably more so than planning lots of activities.

Mojisola

DiiFMaritime wrote: »

My partner and I have been together for over 6 years now. I felt that she is increasingly distant of late and when I tried to make a move on her a few days ago, she said she was uneasy and refused. Alarm bells started ringing and we had a long chat and I finally realised the problem - for the past 2 years we have only had sex a handful times. She cried as she said why have I just realised the problem. She felt I was no longer attracted to her and didn't love her anymore. She said she has lost her feelings for me and felt distant.

It broke my heart to hear it as I had no idea I neglected her and the damaged I had done. I love her very much and I want to make amends but she said she need some time.

I know I can't push her into accepting me as I can imagine it had been very hard for her and it is completely my fault that our relationship gets to this stage. What can I do that won't alienate her but will help repair the relationship?

It's good that you both have the chance to mend your relationship but don't take on all the responsibility for putting things right.

Why hasn't she said something over the last two years?

Has she been caring and loving towards you during this time?

Has she really not tried to initiate intimacy over that time?

You're planning things to show you still love her - what is she doing to express her feelings for you?

System

More than anything I think you both need to work on your communication with each other.

Never a truer word spoken. How can you tell what each others thinking if you don't talk to each other? This is where openness and honesty comes into place with the right heart attitude.

On a personal level I need a lot of physical contact to feel secure. Not just sex necessarily but touching and feeling as well as cuddles and hugs.

tayforth

Has your partner not tried to initiate sex in that period either?

I agree with those who say that you both need to take responsibility for working through this. I wish you luck, you sound like a nice person and I'm sure that your issues can be fixed.

Stephb1986_2

I think relationships get like this when two people have been together for so long you get comfortable and begin to take each other for granted.

Maybe suggest a date night once a month or what ever where you go to the cinema or what ever?

Relationships aren't easy it's give and take and something that you can't just leave to grow you need to work at it. Think of it as a garden you have to tend to it etc.

I hope that everything works out for you.

Steph x

Netwizard

Mojisola wrote: »

It's good that you both have the chance to mend your relationship but don't take on all the responsibility for putting things right.

Why hasn't she said something over the last two years?

Has she been caring and loving towards you during this time?

Has she really not tried to initiate intimacy over that time?

You're planning things to show you still love her - what is she doing to express her feelings for you?

This is exactly what I was thinking while reading through the OP. Im single so take no advice from me! BUT as said above, why is it always up to us blokes to make the first move and be romantic?

We are dammed if we do, and dammed if we dont. Ask for sex too often, and you get the cold shoulder. Dont ask for it enough and you get the cold shoulder. A relationship is a 2 way thing, so surely she should be putting just as much effort into rebuilding things as you are OP.

If she has felt like this for a long time, why not say something 2 years ago? Why wait until it gets to this stage? Women confuse the hell out of me. No offense ladies, but I dont think I will ever understand you!!