Social Support

top_drawer_2

pebbles88 wrote: »

Because sometimes you have to accept things, whether you want to or not, & whether it may hurt, be uncomfortable, initially add additional pressure etc.... In order for you to move on from it or deal with it in the best way for you.

It's not always easy.... But acceptance of things of things, can also bring the biggest reliefs. Xx

How patronising.

top_drawer_2

I am excessively harsh on myself. It comes through spending much of my life being criticised and being unfavorably compared to others. I expect a lot from others and often find them wanting. I am a good listener and am good at noticing details. I read The Reluctant Fundementalist earlier this year, Changez notes that the american notices details and states this comes from feeling that one is an outsider. That rang a bell with me.

I guess what I would like to work on is building conversational style - not the beginning bit of just speaking to someone but the maintaining a conversation beyond asking questions / gaining skills on making comments through the day. I tried to explain above about someone I know who negotiated a white elephant in knowing what to say. I watched afterwards as those two people seemed to find something in common and have become "friendly."

There are some useful comments. I've seen a number of professional counsellors over the years but it isn't something I can afford at the moment nor do I think it warranted but more someone to discuss things such as the OP situation.

SuzieSue - You may be right. I'm not actually that wrapped up in the why of it to be honest - its no impact as I will continue just being friendly to her when I see her and see how things develop. I was more looking for advice on developing conversational skills and any related skills.

pebbles88

top_drawer wrote: »

How patronising.

I disagree... Nothing there was patronising, just a difficult truth that I've also been hit with.... however I'm sorry if you felt it was patronising, as I honestly didn't mean it like that.

But life isn't easy, it's a really hard slog to get to where you want to be a lot of the time. I'm speaking as someone who's gone through a really pants couple of years, had everything I knew & loved pulled from under my feet.

I've only gone along the same lines as other posters.

Everyone deserves to be happy.

There's a saying.. 'Unless your change the way you do things, things will never change'

I apologise for offending you, I just truly hope you start listening to all the advice being given, as I fear you will be in the same place years from now. I would say the same to my closest friends & family.

Pixiechic

top_drawer wrote: »

I expect a lot from others and often find them wanting.

I think that you might have hit on a good point here. In your search for acceptance, it might help you, to try to be more accepting of others too.

When you speak to people face to face, are you quite direct, maybe a little blunt?

lostinrates

Pixiechic wrote: »

I think that you might have hit on a good point here. In your search for acceptance, it might help you, to try to be more accepting of others too.

When you speak to people face to face, are you quite direct, maybe a little blunt?

This is a really important point,the perfectionism and OP I think you are doing well to have recognised that.


It's also happens to more than the socially awkward among us.

meritaten

top_drawer wrote: »

I am excessively harsh on myself. It comes through spending much of my life being criticised and being unfavorably compared to others. I expect a lot from others and often find them wanting. I am a good listener and am good at noticing details. I read The Reluctant Fundementalist earlier this year, Changez notes that the american notices details and states this comes from feeling that one is an outsider. That rang a bell with me.

I guess what I would like to work on is building conversational style - not the beginning bit of just speaking to someone but the maintaining a conversation beyond asking questions / gaining skills on making comments through the day. I tried to explain above about someone I know who negotiated a white elephant in knowing what to say. I watched afterwards as those two people seemed to find something in common and have become "friendly."

There are some useful comments. I've seen a number of professional counsellors over the years but it isn't something I can afford at the moment nor do I think it warranted but more someone to discuss things such as the OP situation.

SuzieSue - You may be right. I'm not actually that wrapped up in the why of it to be honest - its no impact as I will continue just being friendly to her when I see her and see how things develop. I was more looking for advice on developing conversational skills and any related skills.

If People talk TO you and seek out your company I really wonder why you feel inadequate? Have you been told you are? because Top-drawer, what I see is a person who really listens to other people and are not just silent while thinking of what THEY want to say. Which is a really nice trait. if you really want to keep the conversation going then think like a journalist and remember the Ws! Who, What, When, Where and Why - any of those will provoke further discussion. if they have all been covered then possibly there is no more to say.
Like you, I don't think its essential to have a diagnosis - I think you know pretty much whats going on with you. far more important to have coping strategies and there have been some good suggestions on here.
It doesn't matter if you are Aspergers/Autistic or any other label - You are YOU.

[Deleted User]

Hi Top drawer - I am a Meetup organiser!! ( don't get scared! lol )

I have noticed over the years that these events attract a WIDE variety of different people , some outgoing , some not and I like to make everyone feel relaxed and comfortable with no social pressure at all really

It is up to you how much ( or little ) you want to 'open up' ... Just being out of the house in a different enviroment with a good atmosphere and buzz of just 'being out' is good for a start..

I don't really open up to the members myself ( am usually too busy and like to keep it 'professional' ) but if I felt COMFORTABLE enough with someone , then I would , funny thing is I have TONS of aquaintences now and on Facebook etc yet am still quite a private person when it comes to personal matters , but on here it is a good place to share and you get some good and wise feedback

I only share when I feel comfortable even though people would probably describe me as an outgoing person - I still have my human struggles too like we all do really and I like the 'fun' aspect of simply ''being out together'' with other people without disclosing TOO much about myself or my life as majority of people are still pretty much strangers to me as there are new faces all the time

I'd say keep doing what you are doing - I honestly wouldn't like to see you being ''used'' for your ears as that lady seemed a bit selfish and too absorbed in herself to be honest and it would be nice to find people who are interested in you and what you have to say about things , not just wrapped up in themselves alone!

I hope we could have a conversation if we met up - I have a few events coming up over summer you are welcome to join in , and I hope you have some good experiences through Meetup and in your own development as a person , but always do what is best for YOU and no need to even REPLY to Mr ''it was good to see you'' , so what? LOL x