What would you do? School related

meritaten

You may KNOW what is going on - but proving it is another matter. if you feel your child is at risk or that your family is while your child is at that school its best to relocate your child. I know this isn't what you want to hear - but, battling a school over a psycho dinner lady is going to take more energy than you would believe. Schools close ranks with staff - whether its teachers or dinnerladies. and the hoops you will have to jump through.........it isn't worth it. Its the same format if you complained about a teacher - every level disbelieves you and its like banging your head on a brick wall.
Put a formal letter of complaint to the head and copy to the board of governers and LEA and get your child out of there.
you will have the satisfaction of knowing that if there is another complaint - they cannot say there is no complaints in the past (or can they?).

Krayzee

Paulineb:
>1 in 3 people will suffer from some kind of mental health problem in their lifetime, your only issue here is that you know what issues this woman has, your children could have been served dinner by people who had mental health issues and you just dont know it.

That's right, I don't know it because they aren't making prank phone calls and harassing our friend. It seems like the point of my thread has been lost.

>from your post I have to say you seem like you have nil tolerance to anyone with depression
Another bad assumption - do all people with depression make prank phone calls to the emergency services? I doubt it.


Janey7:
>How exactly has she harrassed your wife (other than the suspected false ambulence phone call - as there is no evidence yet of who made that call, I don't see how the school can take any action over this - at least not for the time being)? Has she verbally abused or threatened your wife in the presence of witnesses, or left disturbing phone calls etc.? What is the kind of evidence that you would be able to provide to the school or police

I can't answer these questions. As I've said, I'm after advice on where to go next should anything else happen.


Valli:
Thank you, that's a good idea. I haven't complained to the school yet as there is technically nothing to complain about. Yet.

Valli

Krayzee wrote: »

Valli:
Thank you, that's a good idea. I haven't complained to the school yet as there is technically nothing to complain about. Yet.

That's not what it says in your OP -

Krayzee wrote: »

What would you do if the school your young child went to, employs an alcohol-dependant, manic depressive with a history of failed suicide attempts, to serve children their lunch every day?

I am painfully serious and the background is thus: said dinnerlady's marriage recently fell apart and she blamed one of the school mums (she was convinced there was an affair going on, the alcohol and depression was probably the reason, it sounds like a vicious cycle, but I digress). She, and two of her friends (also employed by the school) began harassing this mum in various ways and no amount of calls to the police, headmaster or Ofsted has changed the situation.

Unfortunately my wife is now the target as she is a friend of this mum (I know, it's like we're 12 years old in the playground again... although no other friends have been targetted) and I can confirm there has been no provocation on her/our part. This morning (Sunday 07:15) two ambulance paramedics turned up responding to a phone call from an hour earlier (can't imagine what happened during the phone call for there to be an hour's delay but I'm thankful they didn't turn up at 6am) and confirmed that the address was correct. Obviously they can't confirm to the general public where the call originated from, but I'm in the process of confirming it. They reported it to the police, as did we, but we were told they weren't going to do anything about it.

Now, if said dinnerlady (or her friends) don't care about waking me and my children at 7am on a Sunday, then I'm concerned for their safety at the school. Maybe it's a stretch, but I err on the side of prudence. Can I trust her to safely deliver lunch to my child. Can I trust her friend to teach my child without bias - this is rhetorical, I know there is bias, not long until my child is out of that class thank goodness.

So, despite these issues, this dinnerlady is still being employed by the school. I honestly don't know why, it's a well respected school with a great reputation. What can I do about it? Write to the headteacher? Arrange a meeting to discuss my concerns? Go to the council, Ofsted. We are keeping all records in case none of this works and ultimately feel like we have to expose what's happening to the press, but we won't go there just yet.

I'm writing this because, up until today it was nothing to do with us. It still isn't but I have to think of the safety of my children above all else, whilst still trying not to over-react.

Thank you

C

Or is it that others have complained?

(keep the square brackets when you quote, please)

Janey7

Krayzee wrote: »

Janey7:
>How exactly has she harrassed your wife (other than the suspected false ambulence phone call - as there is no evidence yet of who made that call, I don't see how the school can take any action over this - at least not for the time being)? Has she verbally abused or threatened your wife in the presence of witnesses, or left disturbing phone calls etc.? What is the kind of evidence that you would be able to provide to the school or police

I can't answer these questions. As I've said, I'm after advice on where to go next should anything else happen.

Sorry, but I just have to pick up on this. You said that you are concerned about the safety of your children. You also said "What can I do about it?" I.e. implying you plan to take immediate action of some kind. You did not say that you are only planning to take action should anything else happen.

Funky_Bold_Ribena

I'm just wondering what would happen if you and all the other concerned parents rucked up and took your kids out of school until it was properly investigated.

paddedjohn

Sounds like a storm in a tea cup to me, I havnt heard one bit of evidence that any child is in any danger.

amyloofoo

The problem is that you can't actually give any specific evidence that your wife is being harrassed, or that this woman is a danger to anyone except possibly herself. Having an ambulance turn up at your door must be very annoying, and an expensive and potentially dangerous waste of time for them, however there's absolutely no proof it was this woman rather than some neighbourhood yoof being a little !!!!! (we used to get this a lot). I think it's all probably a bit fresh today, and perhaps in a couple of days you may not think this is as serious as it currently seems.

You've said that there is another woman involved who is being harrassed, and presumably it's her that's made the phonecalls to the school. I know she's your wife's friend, but are you confident you're getting all the story? If this is a well respected school which seems to handle things well then perhaps there could be more to this than she has shared? Either way, if she feels that her concerns are not being listened to and that she is being harrassed then she needs to be taking the next steps - not you or your wife, although I am sure you would continue to support her as any good friend would.

You seem aware that the situation is "like being in a playground again", and unless something further happens I would suggest that the best way to deal with this is by behaving like the adult in this situation - ignoring both the temptation to gossip about this woman's misfortunes and any more childish behaviour from the others involved. Of course if you do have genuine concerns about your child's health and education then you need to approach the school and possibly consider moving to another school, but going to the press seems incredibly petty at this stage unless you've been holding back some very serious information.

The problem with these situations is that a small childish arguement soon escalates into lots of others becoming involved and can get out of hand very quickly. You've said that you and your wife weren't involved until today - to be honest it doesn't sound like you should be even now. Unless you're sure that she sent the ambulance to your home, that it was malicious and that you have genuine concerns she may do something else in the future (all of which seems like a long shot from the limited information available, but you may know better) then I'd suggest you and your family stay well out of it.

Harrassment is very serious, and not acceptable from anyone, particularly those working with vulnerable groups such as children. Having said that, I'm not sure why you felt the need to include details about her mental health and past history of self harm? There are thousands of people working who have current or past mental health issues, and unless this is directly impacting on their ability to do the job (which is something for the individual, employer and medical professionals to decide) it shouldn't be up for discussion. I'm sure you felt that including this information would help to present a fuller picture, and that you didn't mean any harm by it - however presenting her in this way makes it look as though you are the ones trying to harrass her out of a job and I would be wary of including this in any correspondence with the school.

MarilynMonroe_2

I used to work alonsgide a man like that and he got worse and worse. He would turn up stinking of booze on a morning eventually, go out at lunchtime to the pub every single day. Before I left there was an incident of him hitting me rather hard over the back, as in jest but gone too far and it bloody hurt. WOuld I have wanted him around my daughter or working close to kids? no way! Too unpredictable at times.

Can't really help with your situation but from what little experience i've had of working with an alcholic I wouldnt like to do it again and I dont think people should be intoxicated in a school environment ... but then alcoholics never appear drunk.

mum2one

being a parent who has had 2 years of hell from my daughters school - long story - i got my daughter out of therem shes in a new school, ok we still have to face the people concerned sue to our living arrangements, but you need to put the children 1st,

You may well find that the school will close ranks and look after its own, and if your right in saying other parents are getting harrassed will they actually do something about it, or are they what I call playground gossips!

Sorry to sound so blunt, - but for the 1st time in 2 yrs I have slept like a log in my own bed, not worrying about what my daughter is going to face at school.

Savvy_Sue

meritaten wrote: »

Schools close ranks with staff - whether its teachers or dinnerladies. and the hoops you will have to jump through.........it isn't worth it. Its the same format if you complained about a teacher - every level disbelieves you and its like banging your head on a brick wall.
Put a formal letter of complaint to the head and copy to the board of governers and LEA and get your child out of there.
you will have the satisfaction of knowing that if there is another complaint - they cannot say there is no complaints in the past (or can they?).

Actually, sometimes schools KNOW there is a problem, and are very glad to have formal letters documenting things which have actually happened ... The head actually invited me to write in after I'd mentioned some very unprofessional behaviour and serious breaches of confidence from DS3's class teacher, and that teacher had resigned by the end of term.

But you have to limit yourself to things which you know for a fact - "my wife says that her friend says that the milkman's boy saw ..." doesn't quite cut it.