What would you do? School related

FBaby

I'm confused, why are you so sure that the ambulance was a prank call from her? There are many reasons why an ambulance can come to your door that has nothing to do with malicious intent.

As to would I be worried about my child in this situation? No, not at all. Firstly because there seem to be a lot of hearsay and assumptions made in this case. Maybe the other mum did have an affair with her husband. Who knows, and who cares. Secondly because there has already been an investigation going, thirdly because I can't see how her behaviour could have a direct affect on my children when she is serving them dinner. So what can happen? She starts losing it and screaming at my daughter? That could happen by any member of staff going through a difficult time, I just wouldn't know about it.

I think you should stay away from it all. Either move your daughter to another school if you are so concern, or just count the days until the end of the year.

miss_independent

Firstly, I have great sympathy for people with mental health issues, I grew up around it with both parents foremost in Psychiatry at one of the most important psychiatric facilities in the country and they later used their expertise to set up amazing rehab charities for those with mental health illnesses where I volunteered from as soon as I was old enough. Mental health issues are wide and varied and ANYONE can get them at any point in their lives. I strongly feel that people with depression should be allowed to work, in fact its key to their mental health that they do have a meaningful occupation. There should be no stigma surrounding depression. Its so common and could be due to a natural reaction or a chemical or hormonal imbalance. If the dinner lady was turning up drunk on duty then you could have reasons to be concerned but I can't see how your child coming into contact with a depressed member of staff means they are at risk. You might be surprised at how many of teachers suffer from depression but it doesn't mean their pupils are unsafe! Depressed people don't go around harassing the public!

Harassment is a different issue. And thats what you have grounds for complaint about if it is happening.

To let you know a little of what the school may be going through; A relative of mine has mental health issues and she created all havoc at her work due to extreme paranoia which is a symptom she can suffer from under extreme stress. Because she declared her illness on her application form, her employer found they couldn't sack her on the basis of what she had done because it was related to her mental health. Instead, they had to offer her support to carry out her job and they paid for specialist private psychiatric care etc but the rest of team didn't want to work with her. So her employers suggested she work alone. She felt stigmatised and got paranoid again. If they had sacked her, she still apparently had grounds to take them to tribunal and win a hell of alot of money. It took years and alot of money for them to finally get her to leave - they had to retire her whilst she was still in her 40's.

So the school may well struggle to get this lady to leave soley on the basis that she can't carry out her job due to her mental health problems if it was declared when she applied for the job.

Could you tell us why you think your child is not safe around her? What exactly do you think the dinner lady is going to do when she is serving your child? Are their other adults around at lunch also? Won't they also ensure your child's safety.

Keep a log of each incident you see as harassment or proof that your child is unsafe. Include times, where it took place, witnesses etc and keep it as factual as possible. Submit it to the school along with a letter outlining your concerns. Anything else that happens such as the ambulance being called, or if you get prank calls, vandalism or similat also keep a log of and keep notifying the police. As you know calls can be traced and if it is the dinner lady (which you do not know 100% you are only guessing), the police will know and eventually she would get at least a caution. A caution would show up on an enhanced DBS check and the school may be able to end her contract due to this.

As you can see, its not going to be easy and it could take alot of time. My advice is to keep your heads down, if you see this woman don't even look at her, if she says anything rude don't react (just put in in your log). Basically take the upper hand.

And I agree with others, if you are extremely concerned and feel your child isn't being taught properly etc all you can do is raise your concerns, and if nothing is done move your child to another school.

LannieDuck

Very hard to comment without knowing what she's actually done, either to OP's wife or her friend.

Assuming it's more than a storm in a teacup, I would write a formal letter with a list of what she's actually done (not just gossip), highlighting any instances you can evidence (e.g. the ambulance if you can tie the call to her home address), and send it to the headmaster, Ccing the governers.

Havig a mental disorder isn't a sackable offence, harrassing the parents of children attending the school most certainly would be.

Edit: Having read Nicki's post below, I agree there's going to be a difference between things the dinnerlady does during work time and things she does out of work. If all the harrassment has gone on out of work, then maybe I was a bit pre-emptive when I said it would be a sackable offence...

Nicki

I'm a school governor (Chair of Governors indeed) and have had situations like this a few times.

If the dinnerlady has a history of mental health issues and suicide attempts, provided this does not impact on her ability to work whilst on school premises, there is nothing the school can do about this (rightly so, as mental illness is not a valid reason to discriminate against someone).

If the dinnerlady has alcohol abuse problems, provided she is not drinking on school premises or turning up for work whilst under the influence of alchohol, again there is nothing that can be done about this.

If the dinnerlady is engaged in antisocial behaviour outside the school premises and outside school hours, in the absence of any suggestion that there is abuse against children, then there is nothing the school or the governors can do about this.

To be able to take ANY action at all, either the dinnerlady needs to be charged with a criminal offence (and even then it depends on what that offence is), or behave inappropriately whilst carrying out her job, or be accused of a serious offence against a child (when she would be suspended pending an investigation but permitted back if no evidence that the offence took place).

From the headteacher's point of view (and also the governors) what we have here is a member of staff whose marriage has broken down who is potentially being subjected to a hate campaign by the other woman in the breakdown, with unverifiable accusations of mental instability, alcoholism and harrassment.

So my advice would be: if there is reason to believe that the dinnerlady is behaving illegally or engaged in a campaign of harrassment then involve the police. If you are concerned about your children's safety, as others have said, move school. There is no mileage in making complaints to the headteacher or to the governors about behaviour outside of school, and in fact you are leaving yourself open to a slander claim if you do make allegations which you cannot substantiate to anyone other than the police, and if this lady is part of a union she may well be financially backed by that union to bring legal proceedings against you if you do any such thing.

sassyblue

paulineb wrote: »

It doesnt mean they have "mental issues". I can absolutely understand why you feel aggrieved, but from your post I have to say you seem like you have nil tolerance to anyone with depression.

I sincerely hope that you or anyone you love never has to go through any depressive episode, because you sound beyond judgemental.

I suffer from depression and have had it pretty bad in the past but l think the OP has some valid points, l'm not getting the same impressions as you have.

Bad mental health isn't an excuse for bad behaviour.

OP, l would put my complaint in writing to the headmaster and the board of Governers as suggested.

sassyblue

FBaby wrote: »

I'm confused, why are you so sure that the ambulance was a prank call from her? There are many reasons why an ambulance can come to your door that has nothing to do with malicious intent.

Really? The OP wasn't ill or expecting an ambulance to turn up so how could that happen?

Nicki

sassyblue wrote: »

Really? The OP wasn't ill or expecting an ambulance to turn up so how could that happen?

The dispatcher mistyped the house number or the postcode for example. Or misheard part of the address.

aliasojo

Valli wrote: »

In the first instance (and this is not a flippant remark) I would be sending my child with a packed lunch in order to minimise contact with this person.

This.

IF (and at present this is a big IF), there is an issue with woman and she is perhaps not acting completely rationally, then I would want to avoid any situation where she may affect my child directly (as in person) or indirectly (as in through the food, unlikely but you do have to consider the potential irrational aspect I think).

A packed lunch therefore does seem to be something to consider.

Anything else may largely be outwith the school's jurisdiction imo, at least going on present events.

little-spender

OP, where do you get all your info i.e: marriage breakdown due to alcohol/depression.....The phone calls to harass.

I take it you got it from your friend....which isn't really a unbiased view . Have you/your wife spoken personally to this lady as there are always 3 sides to a story or are you just going on hearsay....

What has actually been done to your wife by this lady.? What form of bullying has been done by her.... As for the Ambulance , as you don't like her , you instantly think it has to be her.

You cannot go telling a school all hearsay things. If your friend wants to do it then so be it...........I think the easiest thing would be to stay out of it totally, nothing at the moment to do with your wife.

FatVonD

I'd be going down the packed lunch route too.