What would you do? School related

Krayzee

What would you do if the school your young child went to, employs an alcohol-dependant, manic depressive with a history of failed suicide attempts, to serve children their lunch every day?

I am painfully serious and the background is thus: said dinnerlady's marriage recently fell apart and she blamed one of the school mums (she was convinced there was an affair going on, the alcohol and depression was probably the reason, it sounds like a vicious cycle, but I digress). She, and two of her friends (also employed by the school) began harassing this mum in various ways and no amount of calls to the police, headmaster or Ofsted has changed the situation.

Unfortunately my wife is now the target as she is a friend of this mum (I know, it's like we're 12 years old in the playground again... although no other friends have been targetted) and I can confirm there has been no provocation on her/our part. This morning (Sunday 07:15) two ambulance paramedics turned up responding to a phone call from an hour earlier (can't imagine what happened during the phone call for there to be an hour's delay but I'm thankful they didn't turn up at 6am) and confirmed that the address was correct. Obviously they can't confirm to the general public where the call originated from, but I'm in the process of confirming it. They reported it to the police, as did we, but we were told they weren't going to do anything about it.

Now, if said dinnerlady (or her friends) don't care about waking me and my children at 7am on a Sunday, then I'm concerned for their safety at the school. Maybe it's a stretch, but I err on the side of prudence. Can I trust her to safely deliver lunch to my child. Can I trust her friend to teach my child without bias - this is rhetorical, I know there is bias, not long until my child is out of that class thank goodness.

So, despite these issues, this dinnerlady is still being employed by the school. I honestly don't know why, it's a well respected school with a great reputation. What can I do about it? Write to the headteacher? Arrange a meeting to discuss my concerns? Go to the council, Ofsted. We are keeping all records in case none of this works and ultimately feel like we have to expose what's happening to the press, but we won't go there just yet.

I'm writing this because, up until today it was nothing to do with us. It still isn't but I have to think of the safety of my children above all else, whilst still trying not to over-react.

Thank you

C

balletshoes

who is the dinnerlady employed by? If its the school, then yes, give the factual information you have (not opinion) to the head of the school, copied into the governors.

paulineb_2

Well, speaking as someone who had a relative who was schizophrenic and later killed himself, someone who was very well educated and had a professional job (he was a teacher and a very good teacher as well), all I can say is I am very sorry if you feel harassed but people who suffer from serious mental health problems tend to be more of a risk to themselves than to anyone else around them.

1 in 3 people will suffer from some kind of mental health problem in their lifetime, your only issue here is that you know what issues this woman has, your children could have been served dinner by people who had mental health issues and you just dont know it.

People with mental health issues have the right to be employed the same with people who dont have have the right to be.

Your issue is the harassment and that might stem from this womans issues but what are you going to do the next time you encounter someone with mental health issues, alcohol issues, depression?

Ask for them all to be sacked? Real life doesnt work like that. You have to find out the people who can deal with any harassment you are suffering.

But going to the press and naming and shaming this woman? How would you feel if she actually went ahead and killed herself because of that and if you think that isnt a possibility, someone killed themselves earlier this year because a group of parents went to the daily mail.

Getting the press involved would be the last thing I would consider in this whole scenario.

paulineb_2

What would you do if the school your young child went to, employs an alcohol-dependant, manic depressive with a history of failed suicide attempts, to serve children their lunch every day?

I am painfully serious and the background is thus: said dinnerlady's marriage recently fell apart and she blamed one of the school mums (she was convinced there was an affair going on, the alcohol and depression was probably the reason,


So, despite the mental issues, this dinnerlady is still being employed by the school.


I suffered from work related stress, which manifests itself in very similar ways to anxiety and depression, for a long time. Because of my working conditions.
Anyone can suffer from depression be it mild or severe for many different reasons.

It doesnt mean they have "mental issues". I can absolutely understand why you feel aggrieved, but from your post I have to say you seem like you have nil tolerance to anyone with depression.

I sincerely hope that you or anyone you love never has to go through any depressive episode, because you sound beyond judgemental.

And you may have the right given that you seem to be on the receiving end of some pretty awful behaviour.

But anyone in your life could end up with drink issues, drug issues, alcohol issues, have a relationship breakdown, no one is exempt.

I hope you consider that at some point.








You have no idea why this womans marriage failed and as such I think its wrong to speculate. Or why she drinks.

Krayzee

Paulineb this is obviously a very painful subject for you, but as I put at the end of my original post, I don't want to over-react, hence the post and asking for advice. I fear you yourself have over-reacted, due to the nature of the subject it seems.

>I am very sorry if you feel harassed
A prank call caused an ambulance to turn up at our house early this morning. "Feeling" harassed is irrelevant when it's fact

>going to the press and naming and shaming this woman?
I never said I would name and shame, that's an assumption on your part. Look at the steps I've taken in this post to protect everyone's anonymity.

I am rightfully concerned for the sake of my children. You are attacking me for this.

>You have no idea why this womans marriage failed and as such I think its wrong to speculate. Or why she drinks.
I do know why it failed, I just didn't state it on her as it's irrelevant but I was trying to make it clear that her suspicions were false. I made no speculations.

>Your issue is the harassment and that might stem from this womans issues
Not might stem, they have stemmed.

Please read what I write, I choose my words carefully and with purpose. Forgive the directness, but maybe this thread is not the right one for you to be commenting on.


Thank you balletshoes, I will try and find this out. It's ok, I'm aware that if things need to be made official, facts are the only things that will matter but I wanted to give as much information as I could initially, in order to get the most appropriate advice and help.

Janey7

How exactly has she harrassed your wife (other than the suspected false ambulence phone call - as there is no evidence yet of who made that call, I don't see how the school can take any action over this - at least not for the time being)?

Has she verbally abused or threatened your wife in the presence of witnesses, or left disturbing phone calls etc.? What is the kind of evidence that you would be able to provide to the school or police?

Valli

In the first instance (and this is not a flippant remark) I would be sending my child with a packed lunch in order to minimise contact with this person.

Have you already complained to the school? -

Krayzee wrote: »

She, and two of her friends (also employed by the school) began harassing this mum in various ways and no amount of calls to the police, headmaster or Ofsted has changed the situation.

So, nothing is being done. I'm assuming the harrassment is happening outside school hours and not on school premises?

I would keep a record of all instances of harrassment; if your wife has a mobile phone and is able to record sound/video I suggest she has it to hand to store evidence if she's harrassed again.

meritaten

Do you have any PROOF this dinnerlady is targeting you?
if not then I would just relocate your child as the school is not going to take your word against an employees.

I would just change schools hun - it isn't worth the hassle proving this.

Krayzee

>The school should not discuss their concerns with you at all.
I don't understand where this sentence came from. It's not their concerns, the concerns are mine and parents are free to discuss their concerns in the appropriate manner.

I'm an intelligent human being, I have to consider that being an alcohol-dependant depressive doesn't stop during the hours of 9-5, then start again when you clock out. What happened today to us happened outside her employment, and if this is the first and last of it then great, but as I've said, I'm one to be prudent, and I'm finding out my options. Or trying to anyway...

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

paulineb wrote: »

What would you do if the school your young child went to, employs an alcohol-dependant, manic depressive with a history of failed suicide attempts, to serve children their lunch every day?

I am painfully serious and the background is thus: said dinnerlady's marriage recently fell apart and she blamed one of the school mums (she was convinced there was an affair going on, the alcohol and depression was probably the reason,


So, despite the mental issues, this dinnerlady is still being employed by the school.


I suffered from work related stress, which manifests itself in very similar ways to anxiety and depression, for a long time. Because of my working conditions.
Anyone can suffer from depression be it mild or severe for many different reasons.

It doesnt mean they have "mental issues". I can absolutely understand why you feel aggrieved, but from your post I have to say you seem like you have nil tolerance to anyone with depression.

I sincerely hope that you or anyone you love never has to go through any depressive episode, because you sound beyond judgemental.

And you may have the right given that you seem to be on the receiving end of some pretty awful behaviour.

But anyone in your life could end up with drink issues, drug issues, alcohol issues, have a relationship breakdown, no one is exempt.

I hope you consider that at some point.











You have no idea why this womans marriage failed and as such I think its wrong to speculate. Or why she drinks.

Did you harass and intimidate people as a result of your illness, or because of any other difficulties in your personal life, though?



If she's behaving in such as way, she is either so ill that she needs to be compelled to seek assistance and is in no fit state to be working - or she is simply a nasty, aggressive bully who has no business working anywhere.




I'd go and see the Head and let them know you wish to know their plans for dealing with the situation whilst you seek legal advice both regarding the school's responsibilities towards the staff working in their premises AND regarding the woman herself. And that you will be bringing the matter up with the Governing Body following the meeting.

balletshoes

Krayzee wrote: »

>The school should not discuss their concerns with you at all.
I don't understand where this sentence came from. It's not their concerns, the concerns are mine and parents are free to discuss their concerns in the appropriate manner.

I'm an intelligent human being,
I have to consider that being an alcohol-dependant depressive doesn't stop during the hours of 9-5, then start again when you clock out.
What happened today to us happened outside her employment, and if this is the first and last of it then great, but as I've said, I'm one to be prudent, and I'm finding out my options. Or trying to anyway...

lots of functioning alcoholics manage it, 9-5, 5 days a week (or even longer possibly).