MIL interfering and spending money (ours) for party

TheWaltons_3

halia wrote: »

feeling really upset here, its two weeks to go to our anniversary do and things have been strained for a while with my MIL but this takes the cake.

The reason I'm posting here is not just to let off steam but also because i'm getting very concerend about the financial aspects to this. read through the stuff below but basiclaly I planned and budgeted for a low key party with a top limit of 40 people, because of variuos things MIL has suggested/done we're now doing far more food etc for 70 people! and possible paying of professionals for variuos services.

I've no idea how to manage this so that a) things go smoothly and b) so we dont' end up in debt because of costs MIL has committed us to.

Situation, we’re having the party at MIL/FIL place – they have a large garden and orchard we are using.
Our aim throughout has been to minimise hassle and create a friendly, relaxed, mini chill out festival type vibe.
So we were going for food on big trestle tables, hay bales to sit on, music, bit of dancing and red wine/beer.
I spend 4 years doing events as a large part of my job, plus 3 years doing food related events/workshops/tasting so I knew we/I could rustle up a picnicky type supper for guests given 2 days to work with on site and a bit of preordering.
No fancy food, no big cake my menu was cakes and tea in the afternoon, chicken and sardines grilled on BBQ with salads and potatoes in the evening.

I WAS looking forward to this and then things went form bad to worse;

Initially I set numbers at 40 but then DP said MIL wanted to invite others so numbers rose to 70 – of these I only know 15 people, the others I haven’t met. I kept asking for names and assumed these were relatives as we had said this would be a ‘family gathering’ to help our little boy get to know his whole family. And of these 70 about 30 are ‘just dropping in’ with no idea of times so I’m STILL not certain about who will be there when and for the meal or not.

I finally got names two days ago and half the people are random acquaintances from all over the place – MIL doesn’t even know some of their last names?!?

We described the meal etc and said it would be a simply picnicky/BBQ type supper
Before I knew it MIL had spoken to 3 acquaintances who are professional caterers and was emailing/ringing me with cross questions and saying my food was all wrong and it would cost a lot to cater for etc etc

Neither me or DP asked her to cater, or to buy anything but she has apparently (only just found this out) ordered several large quantities of food and booked a caterer to work on food for the day

I sent her a worked out menu (based on my experience) and carefully put next to items – I will buy/make or DP to buy/make – I just got an email back form her saying she’s gone and bought other stuff and overridden what I asked for

Every time I suggest anything she says its too much hassle but then she goes off and does things which are very expensive and difficult to manage.

For example – we said we would get real ale to serve, I found a good online site that could deliver it in nice sized ‘kegs’ to add to the festival/BBQ feel. They did my home beer – i.e. the local real ale were I grew up and I thought it would be really nice to have that there. Reasonable price as well.

Next thing I know FIL has (quoting her words) “had to have several meetings with the publican you know, and we’re having to put aside room in our garden to store the beer, and the beer will have to settle so we don’t’ think it will be drinkable anyway” – FIL egged on by MIL had gone down the road to their local pub and ordered large quantities (amount unknown) of beer (type unknown) at cost unknown.

This was the final straw today. Her reply to my email was a list of all the things that were wrong with my food AGAIN, plus a list of people who I don’t’ know who are apparently doing various thing s- and no indication of whether these are to be paid for or not.

This is a section of the email
My email:
Vegetarian option – mushroom parcel thingy from tesco as it’s a hassle to make and we only have 2 veggies.
Cups and plates: I will buy plastic ones in bulk from online supplier now I know numbers for the meal.

Her comments:
“many non veggies also enjoy them, I shall make them, I have the tins and don't like Tesco’s”
(she isn’t veggie to start with and both veggies have said to me personally that they DO like these pastry thingies, secondly we had discussed making the flans ourselves but she said it would be too much hassle and did we have any tins because she didn’t?!? – hence decision to buy, thirdly I don’t care if non veggies like them – this is the veggie option for those who have said they don’t’ eat chicken and we’re providing plenty of food for the meat eaters.)

“Y who is a professional caterer is supplying us with GLASS and china, I really don’t;’ think plastic is a good idea. The crocks and cutlery arrive Tuesday, all that tea (and coffee) will need cups and washing up....... don't remember discussing that.

(who is Y? full name was given btw but don’t’ know her, why not plastic – snooty cow, if she is professional caterer then do we have to pay for this?)
“All of the above has been e-mailed to you since the party was first mooted, I like to be organised well in advance. Years of practise catering for all eventualities, stroppy teenagers, bewildered parents, and those who want to help but need loads of showing how in words of one syllable.”
(no, nothing that was in her comments was emailed to me at any point – I double checked in case I was being stupid. If she liked to be organised well in advance how come she was still adding in additional invites this week? With two weeks to go?)

“now please read this. I get a very strong impression from your e-mails that you are not reading what I send. I won't let myself believe that you are just ignoring them, that would be rude”
??????!!!!!?????????

Tell her if she wants it... SHE pays for it!

halia

Just thought I'd update,
party was good but incredibly hard work - part of me is a bit annoyed because I had hoped family would help out more - ie give me chance to get ready. I didn't even manage to put any make up on let alone shower/ do my hair before guests arrived.

At no time in the 4 days did MIL or anyone else offer to babysit DS or help out in the early mornings so I got a sum total of 4 hrs sleep a night - working on prep and cleaning up til 1am, then up with DS at 5am

We had LOADS of food and booze left over - none of the extra people MIL invited ate much of anything and the food she said we 'needed' because people 'expect' meat etc - didn't get eaten

MIL friends had been told they were coming to a garden party - so they turned up in posh clothes expecting a very different kind of do - we had asked people only to come early (2/3pm) if they were going to pitch in and help with tents etc, otherwise to arrive at about 5/6pm, At 2pm 10 of MIL friends arrived and expected refreshments etc - I was still trying to put up tents!

MIL promised a cheque for half the amount - guess what? it didn't arrive.

DS slept badly the whole time we were there because MIL believes that children should be able to sleep through any noise. So anytime I tried to put him to bed or for a nap she would bring people into the house and stand outside his room talking or burst in and start 'tidying' the bedroom.

It was good to get to meet people but I am NEVER again having a party with anyone elses input, neither will I believe DH's statement that 'oh my mum will help you and take DS off your hands so you have time to get ready or have a lie in'

Mumstheword

Glad you almost enjoyed yourself!! That was about the best outcome you could have hoped for I suppose!

Where was DH in all this tidying up, getting ready, and DS care? !!

wendym

halia wrote: »

Just thought I'd update,
I didn't even manage to put any make up on let alone shower/ do my hair before guests arrived.

My younger daughter got married in April last year. When the florist arrived to pin on my corsage (as a favour cos we know her slightly) with 20 minutes to go, she was horrified to find me still in my gingham shirt and pinny. We had spent the morning with my other SIL and the 2 small granddaughters/ bridesmaids, and somehow the arrangments had built in time for SIL to return to hotel, shower and change!

Glad your day was kind of OK. You do, as they say, have to laugh......

halia

mumstheword, DH did loads as well - he got about the same amount of sleep!

Errata

Halia, now you can have a wonderful time planning and plotting on getting your own back !

halia

Errata, I do anythign like that and OH will kill me. I'm just glad its over with

Errata

The joy of plotting and planning is in the thinking. I've planned all manner of horrible things for certain people, but haven't carried any of them out :cool:
I find letting my imagination riot is very therapeutic, and if anyone knew what I was thinking I'd be locked up